scrubs scrubs scrubs scrubs

scrubs. i love it. so i just thought i'd write a post dedicated to scrubs. it gets me through the day i'm telling you. makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me forget work! i love it. so thank you whichever genius came up with it. i love you.

Brassed Off.

I went last night with my parents to a fundraising concert for the Royal Hall in Harrogate. It's the only something-or-other left in Britain and the roof fell in a few years ago so they're restoring it now and have run out of money. The concert was a collection of brass bands, concert bands and a choir from the Harrogate area and my brother, Edd, was playing in two of them. The first one he was just helping out but they played a piece that I know so so so well. It's called Trailblaze by Goff Richards and was the 'title piece' of my school concert band. We played it for the Queen when she came to Harrogate, and also on the stage at the Royal Albert Hall when we won the band section of the Schools Prom. Edd's actual band, Tewit Brass Band were brilliant. Edd played the solo in the Post Horn Gallop, on a post horn! It was fantastic.

However, I always find it hard to go and listen to bands like that. My school concert band wasn't even there but that whole lifestyle was such a big part of my life when I was younger that I really do miss it now. I don't know if I can explain properly, but anyone who's ever been a strong and dedicated member of any kind of ensemble will know what I'm talking about. It's the most amazing feeling to sit on a stage with up to 100 other people, blow down this tube of metal and make an incredible noise. Together. There it is, that's the point. It's together. I remember at the International Festival one year I was sat next to a couple of Armenians who didn't speak a word of English and it was all abit awkward, until we started playing and then it didn't make the slightest different what language we spoke because we could all play music. Together.

Have you ever seen the film Brassed Off? It's one of my favourite films, partly because it makes me cry. Alot. But also that way of life is something I can connect with a little bit. Remember the guy who's wife moves out and he has to sell everything he owns because of the debt he's in? But he doesn't sell his trombone. That's all he has to escape from the hell he lives in. Playing in a band, performing in a concert, it's such a step away from normal life. What I mean is that you come together, all wearing the same uniform, sit down and play. Together. It's something amazing that I can't properly explain but I miss it now it's gone.

being little.

I was going to write something deep and profoundly complicated about different faces of reality and different perceptions of what is 'real' and what is not. But then I went to Tim's podcast site and heard a little 8 year old Timothy Marjoribanks reading out some poems that he wrote. You really must listen to it, it's so sweet! www.pigeonboy.podbean.com (can't remember how to make it a proper link but you're all very clever and can cut and paste it into the browser I'm sure.) It is really strange to hear this little voice (with a decidedly London accent!) and think that it belongs to the same person that is Tim today. Does that make sense? One of the comments on the site is that you don't often think of your friends as little children, which is so true! Yesterday, when I was going my usual 'chuck-out' of everything in my room that I don't need because I live in Durham without it, I found all my photos going back to primary school. To me it's the strangest concept that this image I'm holding in my hand is 'me'. It's Katherine Joy Yarborough however many years ago. Does anyone else find that strange? Maybe it's just me, but it's very odd how everything changes and yet it's still the same. Tim's voice is much deeper now, and he's got much more of a northern accent. But he's the same person. I'm much taller, have a better dress sense (at least I think I do!) and my hair is totally different (obviously!). But I'm the same person.

I know that the whole point of life is that it changes. The Circle of Life. Etc. Etc. But it never ceases to shock me just how much can change in such a short period of time. Relatively speaking. Anyway, it seems I've gone from one philosophical topic to another. How is everyone's holiday going? For those of you who are on holiday anyways. I've only been back in Harrogate for about 26 hours and I'm bored already. I wrote a list this morning of all the work I need to do this Easter and got so freaked out I had to sit down. I'm working again tomorrow with the lovely lovely children at the kid's club. I hope some of them have moved to Mongolia.

And now, after wasting time I need to go back to reading this gripping article about Julio Cortazar and the 'issues, problems, aspirations and impossibilities posed' by his novels. Oooh I can hardly contain myself. Stupid degree.
Hope everyone else is happy.

Bye. x

Corinne Bailey Rae.

So, here's a run down of last night, because it was AMAZING!!!

We had worked out that we should leave at 5.10pm to get to the station on time (Burbage doesn't like lateness!) and we were all set and ready to go. Actually no, that's a lie. We were so not ready! Couldn't get hold of Heather who'd gone AWOL, couldn't find my jacket, tea wouldn't cook quick enough, couldn't decide which earrings to wear... you know the usual. There was running and shouting and craziness until at 5.10pm on the dot, Ffion and myself left the house with Sarah (who was just hanging around because we are so cool) with our tea in plastic bowels so we could eat it on the way. Which was fun, especially when Sarah made Ffion laugh and potato went everywhere! hee hee. (sorry Ffi)

At the station. On the train. All was well and we took lots of fun photos...Then we went to O'Neil's in Newcastle for some food: yummy cheesy chips. And waited for Heather and Nicola who arrived not long afterwards.
THEN we went over to the Carling Academy. I was so excited, I kept jumping up and down! (As well as looking over my shoulder for Dracula. I kid you not, he is following me around.) We queued up and signed an Oxfam petition and went in!!!

Yay! We waited AAAAAAges for something to happen and took even more photos in the meantime, annoying the people around us. Meh, whatcha gonna do?! Then there was the support act who was so sweet! I don't think that's the look he was going for, but I just wanted to give him a big hug! I think his name was Jackson Reading or something, I'll google him later. He was pretty good, acoustic american folky etc, I especially liked the harmonica! Might bring mine next term and be all bohemian!

Then, wait for it..... CORINNE BAILEY RAE! (can you tell I was abit excited?!) She was amazing. Absolutely incredible, I can't explain it properly without hand jestures! She just sings with this awesome voice like she's not even trying! And she looked like she was having so much fun, it was like there was no-where else she wanted to be in the whole world.There she is! With her cup of tea and everything! And her band was amazing too, they were so cool to watch! I especially loved the guy who played the flute and the baritone sax (not at the same time!) and the bass player who had an electric double bass! How cool is that?! Anyways, so after the amazingness of Corinne Bailey Rae, we went off to some bar and then to another bar/club. And I think they were both gay bars... (sorry Burbage, I'm not very good at telling!) Anyways, the DJ in the second place (called Gossip) was funny. He was having a go at us because we weren't buying enough drinks! He didn't believe we were students! Oh yeah I forgot to say, it being a Wednesday, the place was practically empty. Then he called me Brittney Spears (cos of the hair!) and said I had a nice smile. Then he called Ffion a 'trainee lesbian', teased Burbage for sitting between two straight guys on her birthday and just generally made us laugh.

The train home was interesting. Do you remember that blog I wrote about the 'Durham student stereotype'? Well, all of them were on that train. A big group of boys, blatently from Hatfield, they might as well have been carrying banners, totally drunk, singing college songs and... doing drugs. I'm not joking I saw the guy snorting coke. On a train. I couldn't believe my eyes and I wish to the ends of the earth I was mistaken. For one they're ruining their lives, believe it or not I have seen what drungs can do to someone and it's destroying. And for another, that's what we all get labelled with. A small population of the student number get us this terrible reputation. I couldn't be further away from them in terms of who I am. But it doesn't matter. I go to Durham.

Still, aside from that, we all got home safe and sound nice and early in the morning. And overall had an incredible night. Today I've been falling asleep in my lectures and now I'm meant to be going out with Tim et al and really I'd quite like a night in watching a film. But I don't want to be alone and all my housemates are out. So I think I'll go and meet them even just for a little bit.

Hope you didn't get too bored of my long run down of the night! It's home again home again tomorrow... mixed feelings about that. But that's another story.

Bye.

Me again.

I've been blogging quite alot recently, and unfortunately it's not becuase I have lots to say to the world! On the contrary I'm just bored or avoiding work and this is always a good place to waffle for a while! I handed my theology essay in today *wooo wooo yeah!* but the thing is that I really need to make a start on my English because I need the library and I'm working most of Easter so I won't get much chance to do work as the delightful little children that I work with tire me out because they're such pains. I mean so lovely. lol

We're going to Newcastle tonight to see Corinne Bailey Rae which I'm very excited about, Ffion's been decided what she's going to wear aaaaallll afternoon lol, though I have no idea what I'm going to wear. I'm bored of all my clothes. Though ooh ooh exciting, I got a new top and jumper from a charity shop today which is exciting, though they smell of charity shops so I need to wash them before I wear them! lol. And that my friends is actually about it from me. I lead such an exciting life. Dripping with sarcasm.

I am very happy that it's been sunnier recently. I always think I like winter, which is true, I do like winter. For about the first two weeks. By the time we get to February and it's still bloody freezing I've had enough. But the daffodils are out and it's been sunnier and warmer recently. Yay! I can start wearing my flipflips and cut off jeans again! I live in them all summer. Yes I am boring, and yes I don't have many clothes. What are you going to do? Even if I had tons of clothes I'd wear the same ones all the time anyways. I'm a girl of favourites.

Right I think this blog is full of rubbish that no-one's interested in. And if you are interested, well you shouldn't be because my life is dull and predictable!

Bye.

Spanish Disney

Anyone who knows me will know my craziness over all things Disney. For me it's more than just stories, it's more than magic. It's a lifeline. You think I'm joking. Disney has got me through some really tough times and you know why? Because there's always a happy ending. And I don't care how unrealistic that is. For the 85mins or however long the film lasts, I am in a perfect world. The goodies win and the baddies don't. It's that simple. Throw in a wise-cracking side kick, some awesome songs, a sprinkle of magic, some nice morals, and a happy love story and what more could a girl ask for?

Last night I did discover something even better! I put the Hunchback of Notre Dame DVD into my laptop and I was given the option of Spanish or English. So I clicked Spanish thinking that the title menu would be in Spanish.... but how wrong I was! THE WHOLE DVD INCLUDING THE SONGS WAS IN SPANISH!!!! Now, you may be thinking that I am a total loser for being excited by this, and that's fine because it's true. But do you see? Do you? I was working AND watching Disney!!!!!!! It's like a dream come true and now I'm going to go and search through all our other Disney DVDs to see if any of them have a Spanish option. Otherwise I may just watch Hunchback of Notre Dame again.

Oh it's so easy to make me happy.

My new song.

Artist: Kendall Payne
Song: Scratch

It's a big girl world now
Full of big girl things
And everyday I wish I was small
I've been counting on nothing
But he keeps giving me his word
And I am tired of hearing myself speak
Do you ever get weary?
Do you ever get weak?
How do you dream
When you can't fall asleep?

I've been wondering what you're thinking
And if you like my dress tonight?
Would you still say you love me
Under this ordinary moonlight?
I'm so afraid of what you'll say.

Chorus
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To starting over from scratch
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To giving me a second chance

I used to think I was special
And only I have proved me wrong
I thought I could change
The world with a song
But I have ended up in India
With no lamp to guide me home.
The strangest place I think
I have ever been
And all this time
I thought that we were friends
My stubborn will is learning to bend.

Chorus
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To starting over from scratch
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To giving me a second chance

I'd like to know if you'd be open
To starting over from scratch
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To giving me a second chance

It's a big girl world now
Full of big girl things


This song is on my friend's myspace profile (thanks Beth!) and I fell in love with it the first time I heard it. I love the words.

Bah Humbug.

I really am in a lot of bad moods at the moment. Appologies for all these negative posts, I blame the rain personally.

Today I want to have a moan at students, with specific reference to Durham students. I want to make it clear firsts of all that deep down I do love Durham. I love the beautiful cathedral and castle, I love the river, I love the fact that you can walk everywhere and I love the special and unique climate it seems to possess. However, I hate the students. I hate the ones that drink all the time, I hate the ones that shout and scream like little children outside people's houses at stupid-o-clock in the morning. I hate the ones that vomit all over the place. I hate the ones that think they own the world. I hate the ones that think they are God's gift to education. I hate the ones that are so lazy they are growing mould. I hate the ones that are only here to put off entry into the real world.

Sometimes I wonder why I am here. I know that I am intelligent enough to be at Durham, but why am I here, becacuse intelligence really isn't a good enough reason? If I am here then that automatically brings me into common with all those stereotypes listed above. The thing is I don't know what I'm going to do in two and a half years time when I leave here. Sometimes I wish I had gone and got a job right out of sixth form because I don't know what being here is going to do for me in the long run except give me an aversion to students and thousands of pounds worth of debt. But then I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Does that make me as bad as the time-wasters who are putting off real life?

I am terrified of becoming stereotyped. A 'rah', or having a wardrobe so full of stash that it looks like a Fruit of the Loom warehouse (except without so much oppression) I am so adament not to conform to all these 'students' I see every day and yet I'm not sure I can help it. I know full well that if people look at me they will see 'upper middle class student' written right accross my forehead and I'm not ashamed of who I am I just hate the impression that that gives other people.

I guess one of the things for me is the claustrophobia of Durham. Most of the time it's nice to bump into people I know all the time, it keeps me in touch with people I would hardly ever see otherwise. But I feel so jammed in here, like I can't breath. It's almost as if being so close to so many thousands of people I don't want to be like with somehow make them rub off on me. That doesn't make sense I know but then my head doesn't make sense most of the time!

I think maybe I'm just scared of people looking at me and not seeing who I really am. I remember Tim saying that he hates people putting him in a box and I never really thought that I was much like that before. I don't think I used to care so much what people thought of me. If they looked at me and saw something I'm not well that was their loss because I was a great person! But now. Well, now I look at myself and don't even know what I see. Maybe that is what I'm really scared of. I know I shouldn't care so much what some random stranger on the street thinks, and I'm probably being so unbelievably vain even thinking that they will think something, they probably won't even see me! But when I look around and see such immaturity, insensitivity, stupidity and brashness displayed in so many of the Durham students I just desperately don't want to be put under that label.

Little Black Rain Cloud

Has anyone else seen/read that Winnie The Pooh story where he has a little black rain cloud over his head all day? Well, when I was in the library this week it popped into my mind (as often happens to me) and I got to thinking. What if everyone had a little cloud of weather above their head that was related to the way they were feeling? I started to look around me, wondering what kind of weather I would see above each person's head. Maybe that pretty blonde girl was really happy because her boyfriend had surprised her with a bunch of flowers that morning and so there was a big shiny sun in her sky. The dark haired guy by the window had too much work to do and couldn't get his head around the physics problem he was trying to solve; there were two big black clouds coliding over his head. Maybe that girl over there was crying inside because someone was ill and it was just pouring it down above her head.

What would be over my head? I could think of a type of weather for just about every feeling. All happy and sunny to an angry tornado. Jealous rain, frightened fog, mundane drizzle, fierce winds, that feeling of almost sunny... but oh no, not quite it's going to chuck it down instead. Big threatening grey clouds that you just know will ruin your day, all confused and misty, feeling out of control and sliding around on the ice, snow covering everything so you don't know what is what. Or maybe snow is that lovely fluffy feeling of being warm and fuzzy inside?

This is perhaps a load of totaly rubbish to most people, but it entertained me for a few hours 'working' in the library. And it made me think about how I was feeling. Here are the words from the Winnie the Pooh song that inspired all these random thoughts:

I'm just a little black rain cloud
Hovering under the honey tree
I'm only a little black rain cloud
Pay no attention to little me
Everyone knows that a rain cloud
Never eats honey, no, not a nip
I'm just floating around over the ground
Wondering where I will drip

Bye.