I'm writing this on my bed in Harrogate. I have a horrible cold, my limbs ache and I have a pain in my lungs when I breathe. For that reason I am balancing a hot water bottle on my shoulder blades and I suppose that on some level that's quite funny firstly because it looks silly and secondly because it keeps getting too hot and burning me so I go 'ow ow ow' and pull it off. Then I put it back on a bit later. Hilarious.
So. Back 'home'. The big cheese that is Harrogate. Truth be told I don't like Harrogate. Sure it's a 'nice' place, but that's the problem. All the niceness is superficial and a fabulous cover-up for the same difficulties that characterise any town/city. Anyway, a rant at the rich upper-clARss of Harrogate was not my main objective in this blog.
I was going to talk about change. A subject that anyone who knows me will know that I despise. I struggle to cope when I can't go to the restaurant we had planned to go to because it's full and we didn't make reservations so we have to go somewhere else. I know that everyone finds change difficult, but for me, even the smallest change from something I was expecting or planning for seems like a monumental thing to come to terms with. I have been known to cry because my mum cooked something different for tea than what she originally planned. Call me crazy but that's me. So you can imagine how wonderful I'm feeling about the fact that I'm not going to be a student with many of my friends again, that I won't be living with many of my friends ever again, and that I have to go away again next year to a country I don't know much about with people I don't know who speak a language that is not my own. Wonderful being sarcastic here. In case you couldn't tell.
Leaving Durham yesterday was very hard. I feel like as students we live some kind of schizophrenic double life. Durham is my home. But no it isn't, Harrogate it my home. But it isn't really any more, I have a life in Durham. But I haven't really left Harrogate officially so Harrogate is my home. But... You see? Caught between two worlds. If you'll excuse the melodrama. I can't help it, I am a melodramatic person. Like it or lump it.
I don't like change. But, as I have been reminded numerous times in the last few weeks, life is all about change. It is impossible to live a life where nothing changes and, however cliched it may be, it is often those changes to make us who we are. I am scared about next year, I don't mind admitting that. A big part of me does not want to go and yet I know that it is the right thing for me to go. I don't know why but I know it is. And there are alot of good things about going away. I get to experience life in another culture, I will be teaching which will be good experience, I will learn more Spanish, I will get time away from things in England, I will get to travel around Europe abit and see more places, I will have lots of time to do things I don't have time for here for example photography and writing. You see, there are alot of good things about next year. I know that God will be with me wherever I am and whatever I'm doing and even though I am still scared, I would be more scared without that knowledge!
Big changes are always difficult. I can remember feeling so disorientated in freshers week. I had a permanent headache from the effort involved with trying to be friendly to everyone. I got so fed up of saying 'Hi I'm Kat, I'm at Mary's and I do languages'. But now, even with that difficult beginning, I love Durham and didn't want to come back here. I feel like I have changed so much since being at uni. In some ways for good and maybe in others not so good, but the point is that that huge big change I had to go through to get from sixth form to uni had to happen so that I could end up where I am. I feel like I should put some cheesy analogy here, but I can neither think of a good one, nor bring myself to write it down, so think of your own. For me, I know that any change I go through I will never have to go through alone, and I also know that somewhere down the line things will get better. It's just that the initial wrench away from what I am used to is always the hardest part.
I guess that coming home and being ill doesn't help much either!
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Berlin Baby!
Well well well. I'm still here! It's been a long time since I posted anything, but that's because life in Kat-world has been crazy busy for the last two weeks. Let me start at the beginning. After all, it is a very good place to start.
After exams finished, we went off to Berlin with the chapel choir and MMV (Mary's Mixed Voices) for 4 days. I have to admit, I wasn't massively excited about going. Exams had literally just ended and I really wanted to not do very much and 'recuperate'! But I had an amazing time. It was all so so much fun. Relaxed and chilled out, but hard work at the same time because we didn't really stop the whole time we were there! The hotel was lovely and really funny because each floor had a different transport theme. Ours was cars I think and all the walls were painted with cars. The other levels were the same with an airplane, a boat, motorbikes etc. And then the stairwells had all kinds of random things like a little propeler on the airplane floor, and some of those lovely old-fashioned suitcases. Breakfast was proper German-style, ham and cheese and bread. Which I loved on the first day, but then I just wanted my toast and cornflakes back!
We sang on two evenings. The first was a joint concert of the two choirs in a beautiful and modern church that was built next to the old one which got half blown apart in the war and was never rebuilt. It was a strange sight to see half a spire rising up with the big octagonal tower of the new church next to it. Inside it was stunning because all the windows were little blue squares so there was a beautiful blue-hued atmosphere. We also sang and evensong and mass in another church with chapel choir. That was incredible! I feel so privilaged to have been able to sing in such wonderful accoustics, the sounds just hung in the air after we finished.
We also did plenty of sightseeing, got the know the underground pretty well, and just generally had fun. We generally stuck together: Tom, Ben, Andy, Matt, Rachael, Helen and myself and we had such a laugh! Tom and I were named dad and mum of the group because we took charge of the map! Ben of course was the annoying 7 year old kid who won't stay still! Here's a photo of our 'family':
So much fun. Helen was crazy aunt, Andy the 14 year old geek and Rachael the quiet 10 year old. Although it did get a little wierd being referred to as mum!
Anyway, that was pretty much Berlin, I would love to go into it more, but it's probably not that interesting for other people! For me it was a wonderful thing to end the year with. We laughed and talked and messed around and I don't remember the last time I had that much fun! I think also the fact that we were there for a purpose: to sing, made a difference. It was like there was something more holding us together than just friends on a holiday. We had a purpose. We even sang on the tube and got a clap from one woman! We sang Lonesome Road. A beautiful song that will forever remind me of Mary's choirs.
So, that was Berlin. Then last week, instead of having time to recover from that... I went off to Cumbria with the Christian Union. Again, I wasn't massively enthused about going because I just wanted to brood over the fact that I wasn't in Berlin any more! But again it turned out to be so much fun. We went with Hildbede who are a fastastic group of people and even though it rained none-stop, we had a great time. There weren't many of us either so it was really nice to get to know everyone and just generally relax and chill out. Olly, the guy who was speaking for us is an amazing guy, I learnt alot from him and he is so funny! I spent one entire lunch time just laughing and having no idea why!
It was very strange to be back at Knock though. My very first ever houseparty was at Knock with Aidans in my first term of first year. There is alot about it that I don't remember because it was so early on and I forgot so much about first term, I guess because it was all new and strange. But being back brought back so many memories and it scares me that it was all only about 18 months ago. It feels like there should be about 4 years since then. So much has happened and so much has changed in such a short space of time and it really scares me. It all links in with my feelings of terror at everything changing at the end of this year. So many of my friends are graduating this time, I'm going away for a year and when I get back most of my friends here will have graduated too.
I know that I will see people again, it's not that that scares me. It's just how everything changes now. Nothing will ever be like this again and I hate that. In one week's time I will move out of Greencroft. For ever. Yesterday we sang our last service with the choir. For ever. (It was in the cathedral though which was fitting, and beautiful) I have said goodbye to some people. For ever. I don't want to move on and change and have to make new friends and face new things. I want to stay here like this. For ever!
I know that these are rediculous things to say and that life is all about change. I also know that there are some things in my life that I can rely on being there for longer and I know that above all I can trust that God will be there for me. For ever. Having that knowledge, that no matter what happens to me, or what changes I have to go though, that God is always with me and always guiding me gives me so muc comfort. It just makes me wonder how much more petrified I would be of the future if I didn't have that.
And now that's just about the end of all my news. I hope it wasn't too boring! There is only one more week here and I hope I can make the best of it. And brace myself for the saying goodbye part.
x
After exams finished, we went off to Berlin with the chapel choir and MMV (Mary's Mixed Voices) for 4 days. I have to admit, I wasn't massively excited about going. Exams had literally just ended and I really wanted to not do very much and 'recuperate'! But I had an amazing time. It was all so so much fun. Relaxed and chilled out, but hard work at the same time because we didn't really stop the whole time we were there! The hotel was lovely and really funny because each floor had a different transport theme. Ours was cars I think and all the walls were painted with cars. The other levels were the same with an airplane, a boat, motorbikes etc. And then the stairwells had all kinds of random things like a little propeler on the airplane floor, and some of those lovely old-fashioned suitcases. Breakfast was proper German-style, ham and cheese and bread. Which I loved on the first day, but then I just wanted my toast and cornflakes back!
We sang on two evenings. The first was a joint concert of the two choirs in a beautiful and modern church that was built next to the old one which got half blown apart in the war and was never rebuilt. It was a strange sight to see half a spire rising up with the big octagonal tower of the new church next to it. Inside it was stunning because all the windows were little blue squares so there was a beautiful blue-hued atmosphere. We also sang and evensong and mass in another church with chapel choir. That was incredible! I feel so privilaged to have been able to sing in such wonderful accoustics, the sounds just hung in the air after we finished.
We also did plenty of sightseeing, got the know the underground pretty well, and just generally had fun. We generally stuck together: Tom, Ben, Andy, Matt, Rachael, Helen and myself and we had such a laugh! Tom and I were named dad and mum of the group because we took charge of the map! Ben of course was the annoying 7 year old kid who won't stay still! Here's a photo of our 'family':
So much fun. Helen was crazy aunt, Andy the 14 year old geek and Rachael the quiet 10 year old. Although it did get a little wierd being referred to as mum!
Anyway, that was pretty much Berlin, I would love to go into it more, but it's probably not that interesting for other people! For me it was a wonderful thing to end the year with. We laughed and talked and messed around and I don't remember the last time I had that much fun! I think also the fact that we were there for a purpose: to sing, made a difference. It was like there was something more holding us together than just friends on a holiday. We had a purpose. We even sang on the tube and got a clap from one woman! We sang Lonesome Road. A beautiful song that will forever remind me of Mary's choirs.
So, that was Berlin. Then last week, instead of having time to recover from that... I went off to Cumbria with the Christian Union. Again, I wasn't massively enthused about going because I just wanted to brood over the fact that I wasn't in Berlin any more! But again it turned out to be so much fun. We went with Hildbede who are a fastastic group of people and even though it rained none-stop, we had a great time. There weren't many of us either so it was really nice to get to know everyone and just generally relax and chill out. Olly, the guy who was speaking for us is an amazing guy, I learnt alot from him and he is so funny! I spent one entire lunch time just laughing and having no idea why!
It was very strange to be back at Knock though. My very first ever houseparty was at Knock with Aidans in my first term of first year. There is alot about it that I don't remember because it was so early on and I forgot so much about first term, I guess because it was all new and strange. But being back brought back so many memories and it scares me that it was all only about 18 months ago. It feels like there should be about 4 years since then. So much has happened and so much has changed in such a short space of time and it really scares me. It all links in with my feelings of terror at everything changing at the end of this year. So many of my friends are graduating this time, I'm going away for a year and when I get back most of my friends here will have graduated too.
I know that I will see people again, it's not that that scares me. It's just how everything changes now. Nothing will ever be like this again and I hate that. In one week's time I will move out of Greencroft. For ever. Yesterday we sang our last service with the choir. For ever. (It was in the cathedral though which was fitting, and beautiful) I have said goodbye to some people. For ever. I don't want to move on and change and have to make new friends and face new things. I want to stay here like this. For ever!
I know that these are rediculous things to say and that life is all about change. I also know that there are some things in my life that I can rely on being there for longer and I know that above all I can trust that God will be there for me. For ever. Having that knowledge, that no matter what happens to me, or what changes I have to go though, that God is always with me and always guiding me gives me so muc comfort. It just makes me wonder how much more petrified I would be of the future if I didn't have that.
And now that's just about the end of all my news. I hope it wasn't too boring! There is only one more week here and I hope I can make the best of it. And brace myself for the saying goodbye part.
x
Saturday, June 02, 2007
It's Over.
The most important thing to say first before anything else is said is that EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!! I feel so good about it, however I am fairly confident that a little piece of my soul will forever remain in the exam rooms. Still, the sun came out just in time too! The past couple of days have been soooooo good. Thursday was chilled out, I got my ear pierced again as a reward for getting through the exams! I got my conch and daith of my right ear pierced and it looks really really good. I love them. Yay. Um. then what else did I do on Thursday? Oh yeah Heather had two friends staying over so I made a nice tea... pate and french bread, chicken stirfry with plum sauce and a chocolate cognac cake for pudding. We haven't had pudding for aaaaages so that was nice!
Friday was also chilled out. I spent two hours in the Botanic Gardens taken photos. I cannot express how much fun that was. I had never been there before, which, seeing as they are soooo beautiful is actually really bad because I've been here for two years now! But they are gorgeous. There are all sorts of really lovely flowers and trees and the garden are joined by little paths and steps and walkways. The sun was very hot and I just took photo after photo after photo. When I got home I downloaded Picasa onto my laptop and spent ages going through and changing all the little things. I used to watch my Dad doing the same thing and never quite understood the attraction, but now I'm hooked. I was thinking of posting some of them here, but I might just hang on and see if people think they are actually any good first.
Then last night I went down to the Angel which was lovely, we sat outside. And then went for chocolate fudge cake in Spoons. Which, by the way, is AMAZING chocolate cake. And I know chocolate cake. Then I met Tim and joined up with Ditt and everyone else for college bars and then Planet of Sound. Which was rubbish to begin with. I had to endure such musical attrocities as Mika, Scissor Sisters... um I actually can't remember the other ones I didn't like, I blocked them from my mind! lol. Of course he finished with SClub Reach which I do DESPISE, even though I do know all the words! And even the trance was pretty pants. But then the cheese got abit better and we had a few classics, Summer of 69, Livin on a Prayer, Mr Brightside (with actions, we taught them to Gary and he found it very funny!) Country Roads, Final Countdown. We didn't get Insomnia though which upset me, maybe it was downstairs while we were upstairs. Anyway. We ate curly fries too. Whichever genius decided to do food at Planet should get a big shiny medal.
OOOOOOHHHHH I've just remembered, I bought a wrist band with a pirate on it the yesterday too. Nicola and Ffion and Tim all told me that I am a 14 year old loser. I do not care. It makes me giggle to see the skull and crossbones on my arm because then I feel like a pirate. I've been living on an imaginery pirate ship for the past few days. I am Cap'n Kat. Aaaarrrr. I also had my first ever 'Frappe' yesterday. That word makes me laugh because it sounds like in Finding Nemo when Dory is reading the 'escape' sign and she pronounced it 'escapay'. Like frappe... no? Oh well, just me then. Anyway, it was quite nice really, I had a mocha one and it was very filling. Also I found out that all the espresso coffee, the chocolate and the vanilla in Esquires is Fairtrade so I'll be going back there again, forget the Starbucks crap we get in the DSU. Grrr to them.
So now it's Saturday. We're going to Revolver tonight, Ditt said it's rubbish but hey never been before and it'll be fun. We'll make it fun even if I have to streak. Actually I don't think that would make it fun for anyone! But I would like to do that one day, it would be hilarious! I think I might find a book and go sit outside and read for abit. I haven't read something for the fun of it for far too long. I'll blog again with something more profound than a rundown of my life at some point! I just have to think 'profound' thoughts. Oooh I hope there's some bread I really want a fried egg sandwich for breakfast/lunch. (It's quite late, I did only get in at 4!) Flip the egg over, squash the yolk and put honey woodsmoke brown sauce all over it. Yum yum yummy yum yum.
Bye.
Friday was also chilled out. I spent two hours in the Botanic Gardens taken photos. I cannot express how much fun that was. I had never been there before, which, seeing as they are soooo beautiful is actually really bad because I've been here for two years now! But they are gorgeous. There are all sorts of really lovely flowers and trees and the garden are joined by little paths and steps and walkways. The sun was very hot and I just took photo after photo after photo. When I got home I downloaded Picasa onto my laptop and spent ages going through and changing all the little things. I used to watch my Dad doing the same thing and never quite understood the attraction, but now I'm hooked. I was thinking of posting some of them here, but I might just hang on and see if people think they are actually any good first.
Then last night I went down to the Angel which was lovely, we sat outside. And then went for chocolate fudge cake in Spoons. Which, by the way, is AMAZING chocolate cake. And I know chocolate cake. Then I met Tim and joined up with Ditt and everyone else for college bars and then Planet of Sound. Which was rubbish to begin with. I had to endure such musical attrocities as Mika, Scissor Sisters... um I actually can't remember the other ones I didn't like, I blocked them from my mind! lol. Of course he finished with SClub Reach which I do DESPISE, even though I do know all the words! And even the trance was pretty pants. But then the cheese got abit better and we had a few classics, Summer of 69, Livin on a Prayer, Mr Brightside (with actions, we taught them to Gary and he found it very funny!) Country Roads, Final Countdown. We didn't get Insomnia though which upset me, maybe it was downstairs while we were upstairs. Anyway. We ate curly fries too. Whichever genius decided to do food at Planet should get a big shiny medal.
OOOOOOHHHHH I've just remembered, I bought a wrist band with a pirate on it the yesterday too. Nicola and Ffion and Tim all told me that I am a 14 year old loser. I do not care. It makes me giggle to see the skull and crossbones on my arm because then I feel like a pirate. I've been living on an imaginery pirate ship for the past few days. I am Cap'n Kat. Aaaarrrr. I also had my first ever 'Frappe' yesterday. That word makes me laugh because it sounds like in Finding Nemo when Dory is reading the 'escape' sign and she pronounced it 'escapay'. Like frappe... no? Oh well, just me then. Anyway, it was quite nice really, I had a mocha one and it was very filling. Also I found out that all the espresso coffee, the chocolate and the vanilla in Esquires is Fairtrade so I'll be going back there again, forget the Starbucks crap we get in the DSU. Grrr to them.
So now it's Saturday. We're going to Revolver tonight, Ditt said it's rubbish but hey never been before and it'll be fun. We'll make it fun even if I have to streak. Actually I don't think that would make it fun for anyone! But I would like to do that one day, it would be hilarious! I think I might find a book and go sit outside and read for abit. I haven't read something for the fun of it for far too long. I'll blog again with something more profound than a rundown of my life at some point! I just have to think 'profound' thoughts. Oooh I hope there's some bread I really want a fried egg sandwich for breakfast/lunch. (It's quite late, I did only get in at 4!) Flip the egg over, squash the yolk and put honey woodsmoke brown sauce all over it. Yum yum yummy yum yum.
Bye.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
