Politics...?!

I know that I am relatively intelligent, but when it comes to politics I feel like Little Miss Stupid. I don't know anything about British politics, who is who, what each party stands for, what all the big long words mean... I'm not being modest here, I genuinely have no clue. I thought Prescot's first name was Ian. And even though I now know it's John, I still couldn't tell you who he is or what he does.

In an effort to educate myself on the matter, I'm fed up of feeling stupid when anyone mentions the 'p' word, I have been searching the internet for information. This would be all well and good, if the websites didn't presume that I already know everything about everything. Even typing 'I don't know anything about politics, HELP ME!' into Google didn't help much.

Anyway, the point of all this was that I found these definitions that I thought were pretty funny. And much more entertaining than trying to wade through Prime Minister's Question Time. I'm sorry if I come across as dumb, but I don't care. It bores me. I know it shouldn't because it affects me, and I have a responsibility to vote, and to know what's going on in the country... but unless someone wants to use small words to explain it to me, I don't care.

This is funny though:
Politics confuses a lot of people and bores even more but one thing is for sure, we need them so here is a list describing each politic in Layman's terms:

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbour.

A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbour. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:
There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION:
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

New Stuff

Well well well, it's a loooooong time since I wrote a blog, I feel quite out of practice. This isn't going to be a proper blog though because the reason I stopped writing so often still stands, I don't really have anything else to say. I am aware that this has not stopped me in the past... but I figured no-one was really bothered to read about nothing and I couldn't be bothered to write about nothing!

So why am I writing now? Mostly just so the poor old blog page doesn't feel neglected. But also because some new stuff has been going on since... errr.. Christmas:

1. We had a fancy dress party last term and I went as a pirate (of course). It was fun.
2. I have actually begun to vaguely enjoy watching football... the effect of six years with Timothy Marjoribanks and being the good girlfriend and going with him to match after match. Last night I went to see Man-U-Barca and almost got lynched. The barnam spilled my beer all over me too when Barca almost scored. Was funny.
3. I am coming back to England in just over 5 weeks and I am mucho excited.
4. I have no more time to write now because I have to go to a class that I am fairly sure will be unbelievably frustrating as I watch the teacher exercise almost no discipline over the students who will be paying absolutely no attention to her and acting as if she massively inconveniences them every time she interrupts their conversations to ask a question. It's a shame because she's a lovely person.
5. Bye.