Berlin Baby!

Well well well. I'm still here! It's been a long time since I posted anything, but that's because life in Kat-world has been crazy busy for the last two weeks. Let me start at the beginning. After all, it is a very good place to start.

After exams finished, we went off to Berlin with the chapel choir and MMV (Mary's Mixed Voices) for 4 days. I have to admit, I wasn't massively excited about going. Exams had literally just ended and I really wanted to not do very much and 'recuperate'! But I had an amazing time. It was all so so much fun. Relaxed and chilled out, but hard work at the same time because we didn't really stop the whole time we were there! The hotel was lovely and really funny because each floor had a different transport theme. Ours was cars I think and all the walls were painted with cars. The other levels were the same with an airplane, a boat, motorbikes etc. And then the stairwells had all kinds of random things like a little propeler on the airplane floor, and some of those lovely old-fashioned suitcases. Breakfast was proper German-style, ham and cheese and bread. Which I loved on the first day, but then I just wanted my toast and cornflakes back!

We sang on two evenings. The first was a joint concert of the two choirs in a beautiful and modern church that was built next to the old one which got half blown apart in the war and was never rebuilt. It was a strange sight to see half a spire rising up with the big octagonal tower of the new church next to it. Inside it was stunning because all the windows were little blue squares so there was a beautiful blue-hued atmosphere. We also sang and evensong and mass in another church with chapel choir. That was incredible! I feel so privilaged to have been able to sing in such wonderful accoustics, the sounds just hung in the air after we finished.

We also did plenty of sightseeing, got the know the underground pretty well, and just generally had fun. We generally stuck together: Tom, Ben, Andy, Matt, Rachael, Helen and myself and we had such a laugh! Tom and I were named dad and mum of the group because we took charge of the map! Ben of course was the annoying 7 year old kid who won't stay still! Here's a photo of our 'family':

So much fun. Helen was crazy aunt, Andy the 14 year old geek and Rachael the quiet 10 year old. Although it did get a little wierd being referred to as mum!

Anyway, that was pretty much Berlin, I would love to go into it more, but it's probably not that interesting for other people! For me it was a wonderful thing to end the year with. We laughed and talked and messed around and I don't remember the last time I had that much fun! I think also the fact that we were there for a purpose: to sing, made a difference. It was like there was something more holding us together than just friends on a holiday. We had a purpose. We even sang on the tube and got a clap from one woman! We sang Lonesome Road. A beautiful song that will forever remind me of Mary's choirs.

So, that was Berlin. Then last week, instead of having time to recover from that... I went off to Cumbria with the Christian Union. Again, I wasn't massively enthused about going because I just wanted to brood over the fact that I wasn't in Berlin any more! But again it turned out to be so much fun. We went with Hildbede who are a fastastic group of people and even though it rained none-stop, we had a great time. There weren't many of us either so it was really nice to get to know everyone and just generally relax and chill out. Olly, the guy who was speaking for us is an amazing guy, I learnt alot from him and he is so funny! I spent one entire lunch time just laughing and having no idea why!

It was very strange to be back at Knock though. My very first ever houseparty was at Knock with Aidans in my first term of first year. There is alot about it that I don't remember because it was so early on and I forgot so much about first term, I guess because it was all new and strange. But being back brought back so many memories and it scares me that it was all only about 18 months ago. It feels like there should be about 4 years since then. So much has happened and so much has changed in such a short space of time and it really scares me. It all links in with my feelings of terror at everything changing at the end of this year. So many of my friends are graduating this time, I'm going away for a year and when I get back most of my friends here will have graduated too.

I know that I will see people again, it's not that that scares me. It's just how everything changes now. Nothing will ever be like this again and I hate that. In one week's time I will move out of Greencroft. For ever. Yesterday we sang our last service with the choir. For ever. (It was in the cathedral though which was fitting, and beautiful) I have said goodbye to some people. For ever. I don't want to move on and change and have to make new friends and face new things. I want to stay here like this. For ever!

I know that these are rediculous things to say and that life is all about change. I also know that there are some things in my life that I can rely on being there for longer and I know that above all I can trust that God will be there for me. For ever. Having that knowledge, that no matter what happens to me, or what changes I have to go though, that God is always with me and always guiding me gives me so muc comfort. It just makes me wonder how much more petrified I would be of the future if I didn't have that.

And now that's just about the end of all my news. I hope it wasn't too boring! There is only one more week here and I hope I can make the best of it. And brace myself for the saying goodbye part.

x

It's Over.

The most important thing to say first before anything else is said is that EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!! I feel so good about it, however I am fairly confident that a little piece of my soul will forever remain in the exam rooms. Still, the sun came out just in time too! The past couple of days have been soooooo good. Thursday was chilled out, I got my ear pierced again as a reward for getting through the exams! I got my conch and daith of my right ear pierced and it looks really really good. I love them. Yay. Um. then what else did I do on Thursday? Oh yeah Heather had two friends staying over so I made a nice tea... pate and french bread, chicken stirfry with plum sauce and a chocolate cognac cake for pudding. We haven't had pudding for aaaaages so that was nice!

Friday was also chilled out. I spent two hours in the Botanic Gardens taken photos. I cannot express how much fun that was. I had never been there before, which, seeing as they are soooo beautiful is actually really bad because I've been here for two years now! But they are gorgeous. There are all sorts of really lovely flowers and trees and the garden are joined by little paths and steps and walkways. The sun was very hot and I just took photo after photo after photo. When I got home I downloaded Picasa onto my laptop and spent ages going through and changing all the little things. I used to watch my Dad doing the same thing and never quite understood the attraction, but now I'm hooked. I was thinking of posting some of them here, but I might just hang on and see if people think they are actually any good first.

Then last night I went down to the Angel which was lovely, we sat outside. And then went for chocolate fudge cake in Spoons. Which, by the way, is AMAZING chocolate cake. And I know chocolate cake. Then I met Tim and joined up with Ditt and everyone else for college bars and then Planet of Sound. Which was rubbish to begin with. I had to endure such musical attrocities as Mika, Scissor Sisters... um I actually can't remember the other ones I didn't like, I blocked them from my mind! lol. Of course he finished with SClub Reach which I do DESPISE, even though I do know all the words! And even the trance was pretty pants. But then the cheese got abit better and we had a few classics, Summer of 69, Livin on a Prayer, Mr Brightside (with actions, we taught them to Gary and he found it very funny!) Country Roads, Final Countdown. We didn't get Insomnia though which upset me, maybe it was downstairs while we were upstairs. Anyway. We ate curly fries too. Whichever genius decided to do food at Planet should get a big shiny medal.

OOOOOOHHHHH I've just remembered, I bought a wrist band with a pirate on it the yesterday too. Nicola and Ffion and Tim all told me that I am a 14 year old loser. I do not care. It makes me giggle to see the skull and crossbones on my arm because then I feel like a pirate. I've been living on an imaginery pirate ship for the past few days. I am Cap'n Kat. Aaaarrrr. I also had my first ever 'Frappe' yesterday. That word makes me laugh because it sounds like in Finding Nemo when Dory is reading the 'escape' sign and she pronounced it 'escapay'. Like frappe... no? Oh well, just me then. Anyway, it was quite nice really, I had a mocha one and it was very filling. Also I found out that all the espresso coffee, the chocolate and the vanilla in Esquires is Fairtrade so I'll be going back there again, forget the Starbucks crap we get in the DSU. Grrr to them.

So now it's Saturday. We're going to Revolver tonight, Ditt said it's rubbish but hey never been before and it'll be fun. We'll make it fun even if I have to streak. Actually I don't think that would make it fun for anyone! But I would like to do that one day, it would be hilarious! I think I might find a book and go sit outside and read for abit. I haven't read something for the fun of it for far too long. I'll blog again with something more profound than a rundown of my life at some point! I just have to think 'profound' thoughts. Oooh I hope there's some bread I really want a fried egg sandwich for breakfast/lunch. (It's quite late, I did only get in at 4!) Flip the egg over, squash the yolk and put honey woodsmoke brown sauce all over it. Yum yum yummy yum yum.

Bye.

Meh.

Ok, well I don't really have anything to say, so if that's going to bother you, then stop reading right now! And I know I know, I shouldn't bother blogging if I don't have anything to say, but as I have pointed out before, I don't do this for you, I do this because I like to write things down and that's wy I keep a journal. But sometimes typing is quicker and 'freer' because you can just let thoughts flow and if it turns out to be rubbish there is that wonderful key called 'delete'. Excellent. Well, now we have that sorted, on to the blog.

I'm still up to my eyeballs in exams so there isn't really anything that I've been 'doing' to report. So instead I think I'm just going to list some random thoughts from inside my mind. ('In my mind').

We were singing 'Lonesome Road' in choir last night and it transported me right back to last year. It was a very odd feeling. Do you ever get that, where you'll smell something, or hear somethin and suddenly you're in a totally different place? That was what happened to me last night. Lonesome Road is a beautiful song and we sang it sooo much last year when we went to Prague, it was always in our heads, so for me it's kind of the 'signature song' of last year.

I have been recommended to go see Pirates of the Carribean 3. I wasn't sure about it because the second one was good, but not as good as the first so I was a bit worried that it would be downhill again. But I have been assured that it is good and apparantly at one point there is a whole room full of Jack Sparrows. Excellent. I would love to be a pirate. I know that they go around killing people and stealing their money... but aside from that it would be amazing to be free to go anywhere on a huge ship, dance to an accordian in the moonlight, swim in the sea all the time, make friends with mermaids, drink rum by a huge fire, wear cool clothes, have a big curvy sword, introduce myself as Captain Kat. I'd love to be a pirate.

The pink dye on my hair keeps fading and it's very annoying, I like it pink though so that's a shame. But I've got a dark purple colour to try next so I hope that works. I know that at some point I'm going to go bright ginger or green or something aweful. But hey, if that happens I guess I can always just shave it all off again!

I dreamt last night that my mum had to dress up as red riding hood for something and I happened to have lots of red cloaks and hats and hoods and scarves so she was trying them all on to see what looked best. When I woke up I was convinced I was in my bedroom at home (for the second time this term, that doesn't normally happen to me!) and I'd got in late last night so hadn't seem mum and dad. I was on the verge of getting out of bed to go say hello before they went to work when I realised where I was. It's not like me to miss my parents during term time, but I guess with the stress of exams or something, I'd quite like to see them! They are coming up in about 10 days though so that's cool.

I'm looking to buy myself a really good camera. I have discovered that taking photos is really fun, relaxing, theraputic and exciting. I really enjoy trying to see things from different angles and directions and I know that none of the photos I take are actually going to be any good! But it's the same with writing, I have these emotions and this creativity inside me that I just don't know how to express most of the time. I can't draw or paint to save my life, I'm not good at making things, I like to sing but I can't very well. So I write. And when I write it feels like I'm putting a little piece of me on paper that then will stay there. It's not like talking where once you've said the words they are gone. When I write I can read it over and over. I like that. And so I've found that taking photos is quite similar. When I'm walking around I often see things and think that it would make a good photo. And I have loads of ideas for things I want to take photos of. Should get a camera first!

...aaaaaaand now it's almost 10am. I have an exam this afternoon that I'm not sure I'll make to the end. It's three hours and the thought of three hours in one room, forced to write... it makes me feel panicky! lol. I hope I'm near the door, I always feel trapped if I'm not near to an exit!

So. Hope everyone else is ok. Oh and something else, I've been listening to a story CD by Helen Fielding, it's called Olivia Joules. It's quite good. But one of the things I really like is that she has a list of 'Rules for Living' and I don't remember all of them, but these two are very good (I think these are the two that Ffion told me before too)
1. Never buy an item of clothing unless it makes you want to do a little dance.
2. No-one is thinking about you, they are thinking about themselves, just like you. (very useful when you feel stupid or awkward about something!)

I got a letter in the post today finally telling me where I'm going to be next year. I was trying very very hard to be all good and patient (after all, me getting in a strop wasn't going to make them tell me any faster!) but I am soooo glad to know now.

I'm teaching in a secondary school in a small maket town called Reinosa in the province of Cantabria in the north of Spain. It looks like a really pretty place:



I've just been looking all over the Internet for information about the place. It seems to have a long history with lots of big old buildings and churches and bridges. It's not too far away from Santander or even Bilbao if I need a city, there's the Picos de Europa national park in Cantabria as well as apparantly a ski resort... hmmm I will have to check that out! The DK eye witness travel book says: "Reinosa... is a handsome market town with old stone houses". It sounds perfect. I couldn't bare to be lost in a huge city but this isn't really in the middle of nowhere either.

I have training at the end of September and I start on the 1st October, but I still don't know how long it's for. I think until April/May. But I'll get in contact with the school soon. I found a map of the town and it felt really strange to see the road that the school is on Calle Dr Jimenz Diaz and imagine myself there next year.

To be perfectly honest, half of me doesn't really want to go away again. I know it'll be different, but I'm rubbish at being away, I get homesick pure and simple. But I'm actually starting to feel a bit of excitement now I know where I'll be. I can imagine myself there now and it feels more real. Which I had thought would scare me more, but it doesn't. Which is a good thing! Also I know a few other people who will be in Spain at the same time so I can go visit them! Unfortunately I don't think I'll come back with much of a tan, it rains alot in Cantabria and I remember when we were there in year 10 it was actually pretty cold! Ah well, I'm a tough northener I'm sure I'll cope.

I feel like I can breathe a sigh of relief now. It's a good feeling.

Hunchback of Notre Dame - God Help the Outcasts (English)

Last night I watched the Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney is amazing for escapism) and the words of this song really caught me. I know that not everyone believes in God, but this is a pretty damn good prayer either way. Here are the lyrics:
I don't know if You can hear me
Or if You're even there
I don't know if You would listen
To a gypsy's prayer
Yes, I know I'm just an outcast
I shouldn't speak to you
Still I see Your face and wonder
Were You once an outcast too?

God help the outcasts
Hungry from birth
Show them the mercy
They don't find on earth
The lost and forgotten
They look to you still
God help the outcasts
Or nobody will

I ask for weath, i ask for fame
I ask for glory to shine on my name
I ask for love, i can posess
I ask for god and his angels to bless me..

I ask for nothing
I can get by
But I know so many
Less lucky than I
Please help my people
The poor and downtrod
I thought we all were
The children of god

God help the outcasts,
Children of God...

*TOOT TOOT*

Remember my blog a while ago called 'It Matters'? Well, it still matters so read on! I also just want to add. I know that I am outspoken on this issue, it matters to much so me and I want so much for it to matter this much to everyone else. But if I offend anyone in anyway with the things that I say then please just tell me. It is completely unintended, I just want to shake people up abit, not offend them!

Today is half way between the years 2000 and 2015. It is Blow the Whistle Sunday. Why is that important I hear you ask? (I have very good hearing) Well, because in the year 2000 the 189 UN member states at the Millenium Summit in New York promised to halve world poverty by the year 2015 and although I don't pretend to be an expert on what the world governments are doing, I think we all have a responsibility to make sure they keep their promises. We all know what politicians are really like.

Here are some of the things they promised:
Hunger: more than the total population of Canada, USA and the European Union are hungry in the world. The promise is to halve this amount by 2015.
School. 115 million primary school aged children remain out of education across the world. The promise is to ensure that by 2015 all children will be able to complete primary school all over the world.
Gender equality. Two thirds of the children not in school are girls. The promise is to eliminate gender disparity in primary, secondary, and all levels of education by 2015.
Child mortality. In industrialised countries, the ration of child deaths is 7 in 1000. In sub-Saharan Africa the number is 173 per 1000 and in Asia it is 98 per 1000. The promise is to reduce by two-thirds the number of children under five who die from preventable illnesses.
Maternal health. more than 500,000 women, mostly in developping countries, die each year in childbirth. The promise is to reduce this by three-quarters by the year 2015.
HIV/AIDS, malaria and other diseases. 39.5million adults and children are living with HIV/AIDS and malaria kills more than 1million each year. The promise is to have halted and reduced the spread of these diseases by 2015.
Environment. 1.1billion people do not have access to safe drinking water. The promise is to halve this number by 2015.
Global partnership in government. the promises are to reduce debt, increase aid, develop non-discriminatory trading systems and provide good access to health care and medicine in all countries, among others.

I haven't included the progress/non-progress that is being made. The fact is that there is progress, more people do have access to safe drinking water, there has been a reported reduction in the levels of HIV/AIDS, and in some countries women are gaining more rights, there are more girls in education, and better economies in some countries have meant that hunger levels have decreased. In some areas.

But that's the point. There is progress, but it is not everywhere. The quality of education is still very poor in many countries, in sub-Saharan and Asian regions there seems to be little hope of reducing child mortality, 90% of children under the age of one have the HIV virus in sub-Saharan Africa, cases of TB are on the rise, rapid deforestation continues at alarming rates.

Please don't take this post as either positive 'oh everything's fine and the governments are doing what they said they would' or negative 'this is terrible nothing good is happening at all'. I'm just trying to lay out the information that I know to show a little bit of the picture of the state of the world. Here's website where I got all that information, please take the time just to have a look:

http://www.tearfund.org/webdocs/Website/Campaigning/BTW/The_Millennium_Development_Goals.pdf

I don't know about other people, but for me it is so easy to feel guilty about my life when I read things like this. I found another site with people's stories about the poverty-stricken lives that they lead and my first instinct was to suddenly hate all that I have. To hate the fact that I can go to university, get free health care when I need it (regardless of how useless the NHS is, at least we have one), buy the clothes that I need, and want, eat enough food every day of my life. Sometimes it makes me feel sick. But you know, I don't think we should feel like that at all. If anything the only thing that should make us feel sick is if we read all this information and then decide that it doesn't involve us, affect us, or require us to do anything about it.

That is wrong. I think that the right way to see all this is to recognise our good fortune in living where we do and having the things that we have and to get a good perspective over it all. I know that sometimes I can't afford necessary things, I know that when I leave university I will have thousands of pounds of debt, and I know that I will really really struggle to get on the property ladder. But I will never have to be afraid of dying from a cold, or contracting TB from the water, or fear that because of my beliefs I could be captured and tortured by a faceless army, or worry about where my next meal will come from.

And because of that I can do something. I can remind the government of what they promised in 2000, I can sign petitions, I can tell people what I know, I can be careful where I spend my money, I can support charities and organisations that never give up fighting for basic human rights, I can not become so buried in my 'Western' life that I forget there are millions and millions and millions of people in the world who would give anything to be in my shoes, and I can remember to check my attitude so that I don't become complacent about life. About my life and other people's lives.

I want to finish with a quote from Neslon Mandela:
"Like slavery and apartheid, poverty is not natural. It is man-made and it can be overcome and eradicated by the actions of human beings. And overcoming poverty is not a gesture of charity. It is an act of justice. It is the protection of a fundamental human right, the right to dignity and a decent life."

Blow the Whistle Sunday. What are you doing to help the governments in their promise to halve world poverty by 2015?

An update.

Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...ooo...oooooo...o..o

That was a little man falling off a cliff.

This blog is coming to you from my bed, in my pyjamas, watching Scrubs and not thinking about exams. Ok, so maybe I am thinking about exams a little bit! But seriously, who isn't? Even people who don't have exams at the moment have to think about them because everyone else is. Exams are nasty little buggers. They make people stress, cry, shout, get angry, feel rubbish, stress, lose sleep, worry, stress... did I say stress? I hate exams. For me, it's a stupid way to test what I know because I always go blank in exams. I'll write really hard for say half an hour and then suddenly I go blank. And I'll sit there trying to remember who I am, why I'm there and what I'm supposed to be doing. Hate it.

But as I said, everyone hates exams, so I'm not going to talk about them.

I got the top of my ear pierced yesterday, it was National Piercing Day I was forced to! lol. It looks really good and it didn't even hurt in the night, I managed to not sleep on my left side all night which was good. I'm going to dye my hair bright pink soon too. You may think I've suddenly gone mad. Maybe I have. But to be honest I don't care. I have never had to courage to do anything different like this, and I don't really know where it's come from this time. Maybe it's to do with the fact that once you manage to do one brave thing, it gets easier after that. I have always wanted to do crazy things with my hair, but I just didn't have the guts. Strangely, shaving it all off didn't feel like a difficult thing to do, but the great thing is that now I can do whatever I like. One of the best things about it is that I feel like I can express something of the inside me on the outside.

For as long as I can remember I've struggled to properly define myself. I've said this before, but I used to think of myself as two different people, Kat and Katherine. I guess I still do in some ways, and there's so much about me that I don't understand. I think that being able to explore that on the outside is really great and I feel like I can look in the mirror and at least see somethings that look good!

Oooh this has turned quite personal, I genuinely didn't mean it to, I was going to write about something really daft to get as far away from the 'E' word as possible! Tim and I have our 5 year anniversary on Friday. Every year I've said this but I can't believe it's that long. Looking back it shocks me how young I was when I was 16. But I'm sure that in 5 years time I'll look back and think how young I was at 21.

Pants, I just looked at the time, it's 9.30am I really really need to get up and dressed and get on with some work. Urgh. I'm fed up with it and I know it's not long to go now, and I know I have no choice but to keep going. But it's sooooo hard. I just want it to be over. But then who doesn't?

Appologies again for the boringness of this, but hey if you don't like it, don't read it. I don't write it for you anyway.

Bye.

blurgh blurgh blurgh.

So. I am really pleased with myself right now. I'm half dead from lack of sleep because I cough solidly for two hours before I can get to sleep at night, and I'm half starved after having eaten only soup for 5 days. But inspite of that, I have managed to get 4 hours of good revision done this afternoon. I concentrated for the whole time too! And now I'm rewarding myself for all my good work by binging on Scrubs. Yay! I get series 5 soon too, and when I do I'm locking myself in my room until it's all watched! Hee hee.

Other than revision not alot has happening this week. I got my tongue pierced! That was exciting, and it will be exciting once the pain has gone, and I can talk and eat properly! .... I'm trying really really hard to think of something else that has happened and I really really can't. That's how boring my life is at the moment. Maybe I should go back to living in a dream world, it's more fun there. Did anyone else ever read the Faraway Tree Stories? I loved them. I wanted so so much to live in their little cottage on the edge of the Enchanted Forest. And I would go up the tree every day to visit Moonface, go down the slippery slip, dodge out of the way of Dame Wash-a-Lot's dirty water, and poke my head through the hole in the cloud at the top of the tree to see what land was there. If it was a good one, like the ones where you could get anything you wanted, or the one with the wizards, the little floating island where the Saucepan Man lives... um, as you can tell, I loved those books.

Ahem. So. Errr... back to reality. My first exam isn't until Saturday which is good because I get more time to revise, but also more time to stress. Yeah, so I've been pretty worried about exams so far. In my head I know that I will be fine, I have done enough work... but at the same time I'm scared. Don't know why. But right now I'm ok because I'm watching Scrubs. I hadn't watched a single episode all term, which I was really proud of because I think I got a little over-addicted at Easter. I don't know, watching 3 or 4 hours solidly ever day? Hhhmm yeah I think so. So now I have to be really careful now!

Right. Well, this blog is a load of rubbish, that doesn't actually say anything sensible. I hope everyone else is happy. Bye bye!


Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world.
She took the midnight train going anywhere.
Just a city boy, born and raised in Detroit
He took the midnight train going anywhere.

Journey, Small Town Girl. (it was just on Scrubs!)

Hhhmmmnnn...

Right. Well, I need to totally go against something I said in my last blog about materialism. I said that I thought I could cope if I lost all my possessions because they aren't the most important things in my life. I still think that's true, but I realised just how difficult that is when it involves sentimental objects. Presents, memories, souvenirs, things that remind you of a person/place/time etc.

To be more specific, on the train on Saturday, I caught my watch on one of the chairs. When I sat down I realised it was loose and I thought the catch had come undone, it does that sometimes. I was surprised therefore to see that the catch was still done up. The strap, however, had come away from the watch face. I was stunned. That meant my watch was broken. Looking around I found one of the pieces that had fallen out, but I couldn't find the pin that held it all together. My beautiful watch was broken. It was all I could do not to cry. It's not just a watch, it's a watch that Tim gave to me three years ago for our second anniversary. I remember when he gave it to me, it was such a surprise because we don't usually make a big deal of things like anniversaries, but this was just before I went to Peru, and he said that everytime I looked at the time I would think of him. Which I did of course! So you see the watche means so much more to me than just telling the time. And now it is broken. I went back to Tim's on the way from the station and burst into tears on his doorstep. He probably thought I'd been attacked or something.

So, I must appologise for what I said. I can't actually remember the last time I lost or broke something so personally important, so I'd forgotten what it feels like. And I guess it's harder than I realised not to be attached, or even defines by what I own. I'm not saying that I think it's a bad thing I am upset over the watch, if I wasn't upset I think it would mean that the watch wasn't as important to me. All I'm saying is that I realised it's not as simple as it sounds to not place too much value on possessions.

In other news, I have my Spanish oral in about 2 hours, fun fun fun. I'm 'listening' to Spanish radio now in preparation! Though I don't understand much, radios are so fast! But although I have butterflies in my tummy, I'm not too nervous, orals generally pose the least problems for me. I'm sure it will be fine. Much more exciting news is that I went to see Phantom of the Opera on Friday. In London!!!!!!!!!! It was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo exciting, I practically hyperventilated and at the end when I said I was speechless, my friend commented that it must have been amazing to leave even me without words! Everything was incredible, I love the story and the music anyway, but on stage! The sets were awesome, so clever and there were magical illusions, the singing was stunning, the acting, costumes, orchesrtra... everything was amazing. It was one of the highlights of my life and that is no exaggeration. It's always been my favourite musical, the story is so full of passion and intensity. And yes, I cried at the end. Quite alot! It was so so good.

Aaaaaaaand that's all folks. Wish my luck with my Spanish oral exam!
Hasta luego.
x x x

Measring Life.

Ok, you'll have to bear with me for a moment or two while I get to my point in quite a round-a-bout way.

A few days ago I was walking back home up the not-so-steep hill (as in Potter's Bank) and just about half way up there was a derelict house that got bulldozed earlier this week. We all got abit of a shock when we first saw the pile of rubble with a digger sitting motionless ontop like an eagle protecting it's recent kill. Poor house, it was very sad. Just the other day as I was walking past it, I started thinking about what it would be like to lose a house unintentionally as it were. What about if my house just fell down, or burnt up, or someone stole everything from inside... I don't really think I'm much of a materialistic person, I don't put a great deal of importance on possessions (anyone who's seen the relatively small amount of stuff I own could guess that!) but how would I feel if everything was gone? I thought of Elliot from Scrubs who has the van with all of her things in it stolen. She says to JD that it's just stuff and it doesn't matter, but when he goes round to see her he realises she was just too upset to say the truth. That to her it wasn't just stuff, it was her whole life.

But how do you measure a whole life in just stuff? If someone who didn't know me looked through all of my things, would they get an idea of what kind of person I am? I remember when I first got to Mary's last year. I was in a shared room and my roommate wasn't there but all her things were unpacked. Me and my Dad looked around to see if we could find anything out about her, we discovered she was Chinese (from photos) and was small (from a pair of jeans on her bed) and that she had tons of stuff (she had 3 big suitcases). Anyone who's met Vivian will know that this is a rubbish description of her because although she is all of those things, that isn't how I would describe her. She's one of the loveliest people I've ever met and a few material possessions could never express that. I like to think that I would be ok if for whatever reason I lost all of my things one day. I can't say I wouldn't be upset, I don't know how I would react. But in my life there are so many more important things to me than how many pairs of jeans I have, or how many books I have, or what kind of laptop I have. Although my journals are a bit different... when I was younger I used to leave them all in a pile on the floor every night in case there was a fire, then I could chuck them out of the window. I feel like some of the most important events of my life are in those books and I would be heartbroken to ever lose them.

My point then, eventually reached, was to ask how you would measure your life? How do you quantify your existence? By the number of achievements? failures? boyfriends? holidays? grades? friends? money? possessions? I never used to understand that bit in the Bible that says to store treasure in heaven because everything on earth will eventually rot or fade away. I didn't understand any kind of treasure other then expensive material goods. But what I think it means is make sure you don't ever define yourself by what you have. You should always define yourself by who you are. It's difficult sometimes. I remember hearing a song, I'm going to put the lyrics at the end, when I was in Canada. It's called Seasons of Love and doesn't completely explain what I'm trying to say, but it talks about how you would measure a year. I thought this was interesting. How would I 'measure' a Year In The Life Of Kat? The song gives the following options... daylight, midnights, sunsets, cups of coffee, inches, miles, laughter or strife... are any of those things that I could measure my life with?

I don't really know. I think so, sometimes I think about a particular year and remember that there seemed to be alot of hard things, or good things, or upsetting things. Have you ever seen Hercules? The people of Thebes are lamenting how aweful their existence is, recalling the earthquake, the flood, the fire, that they're bound to get a plague of locusts next their luck is that bad! But that's such a negative way of looking at things! I know that the 'point' (if there ever really was one) of this blog has kind of drifted, to be honest I'm just typing and seeing where it goes! But I think that the point is something like this: to make sure that no matter what happens in life, we don't lose sight of what really matters, the things that we really do define ourselves by, and the things that we really can't live without. Sometimes it's easy to take very good care of material possessions and forget that they don't give us anything in return. They don't make us who we are.

Anyway, this sounded better in my head than it does on screen! Here's the song all the same: (oh and it is dead cheesy so be prepared!!!)

five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear
five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure? measure a year

in daylights,
in sunsets,
in midnights,
in cups of coffee,
in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife

in five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure a year in a life?

how about love?
how about love?
how about love?
measure in love...
seasons of love...
seasons of love...

(female soloist)
five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan
five hundred twenty five thousand suix hundred minutes
how do you measure a life of a woman or a man

(male soloist)
in truths that she learned
or in times that she cried
in bridges he burned
or the way that she died

(all)
its time now to sing out though
the story never ends
let's celebrate remember a year in a life
of friends

remember the love...
(oh you gotta remember the love)
remember the love...
(oh yeah, its a gift from up above)
remember the love...
(sing out, give out, measure your life
in looooooove...!!!)
seasons of love...
seasons of love...

My To Do List

Ok, so following on from Helen's blog about things to do before leaving Durham I thought I'd revive my 'things to do before I'm 30' list. I was thinking about all the things on the way home today and decided to write them down before I forget them. Feel free to reply with your own thoughts/additions/lists...

1. steal a Bishop's hat and stand behind him making it talk like a duck.
2. go skinny dipping (again but this time in a river/lake).
3. go to a proper fancy masquerade ball.
4. stay in bed aaaaaall day with my 'husband' (ahem ahem).
5. learn how to use chopsticks properly (i swear my fingers are all in the wrong places).
6. do a sky-dive.
7. acquire more piercings and tattoos.
8. learn how to cook like a gourmet chef.
9. go to a proper 'old school' rock concert.
10. ride a motorbike across the desert.

Ta da!
I'm sure I could think of more things that I want to do but that's it for now!
love to the masses.
x x x

This Week.

I havent' written anything for ages for a few reasons... I haven't had anything to say being the main one, but I am aware that that hasn't stopped me before! I haven't had much time this week to do anything, we've been really busy (revision AND partying I promise!) and also because I don't think anyone misses it when I don't write and I mostly do it for myself anyways. I like writing things down, they always make so much momre sense when they are written. So I write a private journal, a blog, and many many lists of the things that I have to do! I have two main lists going... one in a notebook where I write 'useful' stuff, deadlines, shopping lists, house details etc. And the other list goes on my arm. People are always surprised when they see that I write 'to do' lists on my arm... at this very moment is written: 'NE1 MARY's LIBRARY 12.45 A10 M Thompson, Thurs 10th'. It all makes sense to me and I wonder why people are so surprised because to me, my arm is the perfect place to write things that I need to do because I don't lose my arm and I do lose paper, and also because I can't help looking at my arm, and when I write lists on paper sometimes I forget to look at them! So there you go, that was a useful insight into my mind. I got a bad rash in 6th form from writing on my arm every day! So now I do take it easy!

I'm not talking about exams. I've spent something like 7.5 hours in the library this weekend and I actually feel like it has taken a little piece of my soul that I will never get back. It's so quiet in there, all you can here is a clock ticking... and occasional shuffle... a muffled cough... the crackle of papers.... a quiet thud of a book on a table... the clock ticking... it gets louder and louder and louder and soon seems to be coming from inside your own head. It's terrifying and I hate it but I have to go there because I don't get any work done at home, there is so much to distract me! And I don't have the longest concentration span!

Speaking of terrifying things. Is anyone else petrifyed of Mrs Rochester. (oooh that was spooky, the sun was shining bright into my room and then when I typed her name it all went dark and overcast) I think that Mrs Rochester is one of the most frightening fictional characters ever ever ever created. We watched Jane Eyre last night and scared ourselves daft. I had to go to sleep with the light on again. I think it's because she is a real person, and her madness causes her to do terrible things, like set her husband's bed on fire. It's the fact that it could actually happen. Monsters and made-up baddies aren't as scary if you can convince yourself that they are not in anyway real. But madness seems like it could be real. And the way they film it doesn't help, that you don't see her until the final episode and a couple of times the camera is behind her head as she is looking out of a window and all you can see is a little bit of her hair and hear her breathing... it's terrifying!!!! The thought of being watched like that, by a madwoman makes my skin crawl!!!

Anyways, enouogh of this ramble! I really really really need to get up because I have about 35mins to shower, dress, eat, read over something and leave the house. Good luck Kat.
Bye bye.

I HAVE PURPLE HAIR!

ha ha. tell me what you think!

More boringness.

I should be getting to sleep now, I'm still tired from Friday night when I only got about 4 hours of sleep. (Bloody wine). But yeah, I don't want to sleep, so I'm playing on the internet. You know the usual, myspace, facebook, email, youtube, ebay, random google searches... I have a fun life.

Back in Durham now though. I have to say I'm not massively excited about this term, but them who is? We have exams and I don't understand most of my course. Woo yeah revision is going to be a barrel of laughs. But then we get time after exams to chill out and I can't complain, this is why I came to university! And it really is good to be back again in that I was getting fed up at home and work was getting tedious. Though I had fun on Friday singing Disney songs and getting the kids to guess which film it was from. They were surprised I knew as many as I did. Hee hee.

It's also nice to be back in Greencroft again. Fun and games already... we have no food. And when I say no food I mean no food. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Last night we had sausage sandwiches for tea, I had a piece of toast for breakfast and Ffion managed to concoct something with mince, baked beans and red wine for lunch. Tea was ryvita and philadelphia and now if you open the fridge this is all you will see: margarine, fresh coffee, a little bit of milk and philadelphia. Welcome to the life of a student. At home our fridge is always so full stuff drops out when you open it! But tis ok, tomorrow we have the lovely tesco man coming with lots of yummy food so it will all be fine! I'm just hoping there's not going to be any delays! I might have breakfast at Tim's tomorrow!

There's lots to look forward to this week. Studio on Tuesday. Yeah for the cheese and the drunken students. Hhhmm. But then cocktail party for Nicola and Ffi on Wednesday which will be amazing, and I get to wear my lovely cocktail dress again. Yay. A meal for Ffi on Thursday and Tim and I are going to see some people from church on Friday. Forget exams, this is what life's all about. Yeah right!

Aaaannnnyyyyyway. This really is boring. I am aware of the fact that I have nothing to write about, but it's kids of theraputic for me! I hope anyone/everyone is ok.Smile.

xxx

This Week.

Hello. Long time no post. But as you will very soon find out, I really do have nothing to write about. Not even any deep and meaningful thoughts to bore you with. So why am I writing now you may well ask! Well, I'm bored so if I am then I thought I'd damn well make sure that anyone who reads this is too. Ha ha.

This last week has been so unbelievable uneventful I was considering doing something really shocking just to make sure I really am awake. I've been working all week and apart from the usual rude kids, a few lovely ones, some scotch pancakes, too much ironing of those stupid plastic bead things, and a kid throwing up infront of me... I've really done nothing at all.

Oh actually, that's a lie. On Tuesday Tim and I met up with some school friends we haven't seen for ages. Two of them being our friends Matt and Lydia who are getting married in 3 months. That seems crazy to me. I am so so happy for them, they are lovely and will be so happy together. The invited us to go stay with them in London next year which will be fun. We went to a really lovely little 'tavern' called the Old Bell that does loads of different local beers (ha ha I just typed bears by mistake and it make me laugh) and my favourite Adderstones or Alderstone or something-stones cloudy cider. Yummy yummy.

O have just managed to force my porridge brain to concentrate for 2 hours on Adelaida García Morales' novel El Sur and all the theoretical rubbish that goes with it. We have to look into a feminist reading of it and it irritates me so much. The 'Electra Complex' and how she desires to marry her father and wants to kill her mother, apparantly she is trapped in a something-or-other society that has dictated that she be some type of person when she should be another.... yeah you can tell I reall took it all in can't you. I don't care it's stupid. The political reading is much more interested and more believable. I hate feminists. I'm all for equal rights and fair treatment and all that jazz, but seriously it goes too far. Man can't do or say anything without the feminists jumping on it and claiming they're being repressed.

Anyway, sorry about the rant! I'm now listening to the Evanescence album The Open Door that I bought the other day and am completely obsessed with! My favourites are Lithium and Good Enough. I love songs that say the way that I am feeling/thinking. It's back to the Big Cheese that is Durham on Saturday for a fun filled exam term. Yay for me. Ooh but mum bought me some of the HP brown sauce that is 'honey woodsmoke' or something fancy. I am so addicted to it, in fact I think I might open it now and have it on my salad sarnie for lunch. Oooh thinking about it has made me all excited. Small things.

Well, congratulations if you got to the end of this. If my blog comments are anything to go by I know full well that only about 2 people will make it this far. If you're in Durham I'll see you soon. If you're not then I won't. Genuis Kat.

Bye.

An update for anyone interested. No-one then!

So. This week so far has been 'rivetting'. I hope you all get sarcasm when it's written.
Oh, actually, Monday was a pretty good day. Tim and I went for a walk between Riply and Hampsthwaite (I have just realised I have no idea how to spell that) which was lovely, but we got abit scared of the nosey cows in a field. I know they're not violent or anything, but they are pretty big! There were lots of tiny tiny lambs too which were so sweet and still all wobbly when they ran. And Tim got very excited by the grouse type bird thing. He is strange.
Then in the evening the whole family trooped round for a meal and some fun and games. Literally. We are so unbelievably noisy together, I was laughing with my aunt that if anyone tried to transcribe conversations that we have together it would look such a mess because we all talk at once! Well, anyway, we played a game called 'Spot the Intro' which turned out to be hilarious. It's a 'guess the song' game with different rounds... 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, film and tv, nursery rhymes, different instruments etc. We won the first game yeah! I actually did really well on the 80s round! lol. But got very annoyed that I couldn't remember Cindy Lauper's name. Very irritating when I almost had it!

So Monday was fun. Tuesday... not so fun. I was down to work 7.30am-6pm. That is a long time with only 2 ten minute breaks! We were really quite so I actually finished at 5 which wasa great. And apart from being long and tiring, it certainly wasn't a horrible day. I scored 5 goals in my first ever football match. I'm not joking, I don't think I've ever played football before. Admittedly it was against a bunch of 8 year olds, but it made me feel good! And we watched Madagascar which is actually really funny! I'd never seen it before and the kids were laughing at me getting all involved with the story! When I got home last night I was knackered so after tea I got into bed and watched 3 hours of Scrubs. Perhaps not the best use of time but I couldn't face doing anything productive!

And now I've just managed to force myself to do an hour of work. It took alot I'm telling you, I wish I could just conjour up motivation from thin air but I can't and it makes me feel bad like I'm taking this all for granted. I know how fortunate I am to be able to go to uni, and to be in a good one like Durham. I know I should be making the most of this, there are so many people who would give anything to be in my position. I do care about it, I do want to do well, but sometimes it's hard to get perspective and I just want to live in the here and now without thinking about the future. I don't know what I'm going to end up doing anyway and so sometimes it feels like I'm working my ass off for no reason. Or not working my ass of as the case me be at the moment.

My brother got the Scrubs soundtrack so I'm listening to that now, it's really good! I'll put it on my mp3 player soon so I can listen to it on my way to work this afternoon. I hope it's all nice kids in this afternoon, I am so not in the mood to deal with the horrid ones. Though maybe it would be good to have a good yell at something! And it's Tim's birthday tomorrow, I should get him a present...... ha ha. I'm not that rubbish!

Bye.

On the subject of chocolate...

... I have just discovered on the Stop the Traffik website, a guide to which brands of chocolate are 'traffik free', in other words can guarantee that no trafficked labour has been used in its production even if it might not say on the wrapper. Have a look, I was surprised...

http://www.stopthetraffik.org/chocolateDownloads/chocolate_guide.pdf

Also, do look at the Stop the Traffik website, there is lots and lots of information. www.stopthetraffik.org.

Cheers.

It matters.

Have you ever heard someone talk about something that makes them really really excited? I know I tease him, but when Tim talks about his course, especially when it's something that he hadn't understood and then it all clicks, I love to hear the excitement in his voice and the way his eyes light up. In reality I don't think it matters too much if people understand him, or are interested too, what matters to him is that he can convey something that makes him passionate. I can think of lots of other examples too, this is just a small one and of course I know that Tim gets passionate about lots of other bigger issues than a mathematical concept but that was an example that I thought of.

People who know me well will know that I can get very excited and passionate about social issues such as Fairtrade, Stop the Traffik, the environment, ethical clothing. Maybe it bores you to hear me talk about it over and over, maybe it makes you feel guilty that you don't care enough, maybe it excites you too to do something about the horrendous state of living that the majority of the world have to deal with. Whatever you think about the whole thing, please please read this post because this matters. Not just to me, not just to a few others, but this matters to the whole world. This matters to real people. This is a matter of life or death. Probably death.

A few weeks ago in church I was asked to read a prayer. The prayer was the story of a young 15 year old girl from Bangladesh called Sabina. She was abducted and taken away from her family by traffickers who smuggled her into India and sold her as a prostitute. Every day men took advantage of her, they used to tie her with ropes and beat her. Eventually she managed to escape and is now back in her village in Bangladesh, but is shunned by her people because of the stigma attached to prostitution. I stood at the front of the church holding a big metal chain as a symbol of the slavery in the world today and I do not exaggerate when I say that I could not get through that passage without crying. I had to pause so many times and it took so much effort to say the words. Saying the words made them real and it breaks my heart to know that our beautiful world is one of fear and loathing to so many people.

There are so many stories like this one. And so many ways of finding out about children like Sabina. Try these websites for more information... www.stopthetraffik.org, www.tearfund.org
This should not be happening. I know you've heard it before, but 200 years ago William Wilberforce started a movement that led to the abolishment of slavery and it was a huge achievement and move forward for humanity. What a terrible thing it is then, that so many hundreds of thousands more people today are still slaves. Children are trafficked into prostitution, illegally forced labour, the drugs market, forced to become soldiers. I found out recently that over 50% of the chocolate produced in the world comes from forced labour. Slavery. You are eating chocolate Easter eggs that are made in slavery. Think how many people refuse to buy eggs from battery hens because it's cruel. Well, how much worse then is chocolate made by 'battery children'? I saw a poignant poster last week that read "All children love Easter eggs. Except the ones who are forced to make them."

There is so much that we can do to stop this. And knowledge is the beginning. Ignorance is no excuse and it certainly is not bliss. We, as the rich 'north' have all the means and resources at our fingertips and I know I could never forgive myself if I didn't care enough to find out. And act. Stop the Traffik sends petitions to the government. Sign one, it's on the website you don't even have to pay for a stamp. Fairtrade makes chocolate. So it's more expensive... what matters to you? Children's lives or stretching your bank balance as far as it will go? I saw on the news the other day that Topshop has started a fairly traded clothing line called Global Mamas and it is more expensive but initiatives like this will only follow through with consumer support and power. You know what I'm trying to say. Find out which companies are known to be unethical and don't buy from them. We have so much power with our money and there is no excuse for not using it wisely. All you have to do is a simple google search and so much information is right there in front of you.

In 2000 world leaders promised to half world poverty by 2015. This year is the half way point and May 20th is Blow the Whistle Sunday. If you're a Christian then God has given us a challenge which is written in the Bible: 'act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God'. Do you yearn for justice? Do you want mercy and freedom for the world? Are you humble enough to change the way you live to do something about it? Does any of what I've said, and what other people say on this matter touch something inside you? This is not just about Christians being 'nice people'. This is about fighting for our world. Fighting for all those millions of people we will never meet but by our actions we can either keep in slavery, or release to the life of freedom that they deserve.

I know that I 'bang on' about things like this. You know why? Because they matter. People matter to me and I constantly wish there was something more that I could do. But one thing I know for sure, slavery was abolished once, the government approved it. It can be done again. Help me and thousands of other people around the world to do it again. The only reason Wilberforce succeeded last time was because people fought with him.

scrubs scrubs scrubs scrubs

scrubs. i love it. so i just thought i'd write a post dedicated to scrubs. it gets me through the day i'm telling you. makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me forget work! i love it. so thank you whichever genius came up with it. i love you.

Brassed Off.

I went last night with my parents to a fundraising concert for the Royal Hall in Harrogate. It's the only something-or-other left in Britain and the roof fell in a few years ago so they're restoring it now and have run out of money. The concert was a collection of brass bands, concert bands and a choir from the Harrogate area and my brother, Edd, was playing in two of them. The first one he was just helping out but they played a piece that I know so so so well. It's called Trailblaze by Goff Richards and was the 'title piece' of my school concert band. We played it for the Queen when she came to Harrogate, and also on the stage at the Royal Albert Hall when we won the band section of the Schools Prom. Edd's actual band, Tewit Brass Band were brilliant. Edd played the solo in the Post Horn Gallop, on a post horn! It was fantastic.

However, I always find it hard to go and listen to bands like that. My school concert band wasn't even there but that whole lifestyle was such a big part of my life when I was younger that I really do miss it now. I don't know if I can explain properly, but anyone who's ever been a strong and dedicated member of any kind of ensemble will know what I'm talking about. It's the most amazing feeling to sit on a stage with up to 100 other people, blow down this tube of metal and make an incredible noise. Together. There it is, that's the point. It's together. I remember at the International Festival one year I was sat next to a couple of Armenians who didn't speak a word of English and it was all abit awkward, until we started playing and then it didn't make the slightest different what language we spoke because we could all play music. Together.

Have you ever seen the film Brassed Off? It's one of my favourite films, partly because it makes me cry. Alot. But also that way of life is something I can connect with a little bit. Remember the guy who's wife moves out and he has to sell everything he owns because of the debt he's in? But he doesn't sell his trombone. That's all he has to escape from the hell he lives in. Playing in a band, performing in a concert, it's such a step away from normal life. What I mean is that you come together, all wearing the same uniform, sit down and play. Together. It's something amazing that I can't properly explain but I miss it now it's gone.