i'm challenging myself. though not through choice!
right now i am talking to three people on msn, writing this blog, writing a letter, sending an email, eating my lunch and making a picnic. quite impressive i thought.
i wonder how many men could do that? no, sorry that's mean and sexist. men can multitask, just not in the same things women can! but then i wouldn't be able to do a load of office things all at once like my dad can!
i love how men and women are so different!
sorry this is short, but have lots to do. love you all. x
Friday, June 30, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
me and edd
just thought, for lack of something to write that i'd put in a photo of my and my brother at our murder mystery party. we were a rich italian brother and sister from 1914. 
hee hee. i love this picture!
hee hee. i love this picture!
Sunday, June 25, 2006
life, the universe and everything
Hello from sunny Harrogate.
I've just been reading everyone elses blogs, whilst eating pancakes, and it would be so apt for me to add my thoughts on the year, coming home, being in Durham/not being in Durham. We have all written very much the same thing, that the year has been amazing and we're all feeling melancholic having left, and we are all going to be facing various issues over the summer, for the most part, alone away from each other. University life is such a strange concept, we are all forced to live two lives and it is very hard in many ways to equate them both.
One of the things that was talked about in church today was how everyone wants to lead a profitable and fulfilling life. We all want to see the purpose and feel the fruits of our actions and lives and I guess one of the difficult things about coming home is having to get new goals and actions from the ones we have in Durham. But I think there is something pretty important to learn here, that our goals shouldn't really change that dramatically. If I think about the things I want to achieve in my life, and the kind of person that I want to become, it really is a challenge to strave for that just as much in Harrogate, where nothing much happens, as in Durham where I feel my life is 'lived' much more fully.
I've said this before, but a philosophy I want to have is that in view of the fact we can never get back a single minute of life lived, surely the most important way to live is so not waste a single minute of the life we have.
I've just been reading everyone elses blogs, whilst eating pancakes, and it would be so apt for me to add my thoughts on the year, coming home, being in Durham/not being in Durham. We have all written very much the same thing, that the year has been amazing and we're all feeling melancholic having left, and we are all going to be facing various issues over the summer, for the most part, alone away from each other. University life is such a strange concept, we are all forced to live two lives and it is very hard in many ways to equate them both.
One of the things that was talked about in church today was how everyone wants to lead a profitable and fulfilling life. We all want to see the purpose and feel the fruits of our actions and lives and I guess one of the difficult things about coming home is having to get new goals and actions from the ones we have in Durham. But I think there is something pretty important to learn here, that our goals shouldn't really change that dramatically. If I think about the things I want to achieve in my life, and the kind of person that I want to become, it really is a challenge to strave for that just as much in Harrogate, where nothing much happens, as in Durham where I feel my life is 'lived' much more fully.
I've said this before, but a philosophy I want to have is that in view of the fact we can never get back a single minute of life lived, surely the most important way to live is so not waste a single minute of the life we have.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Boys and Toys
it fascinates me, the phenomenon of how drastically boys change when around plastic guns, swords, or plastic little green and blue men and horses and canons. i played Risk today with some friends, and the buys suddenly became these war driven soldiers on a mission to take over the whole world. why is it that these things promote such a major change in a boy? is it the primeval instinct to invade and conquer? or maybe the macho image of power? whatever it is, give a boy a little toy soldier and he becomes a ruthless, power hungry maniac!
it does make me laugh when i see my friends brandishing plastic guns at me because i've said something to wind them up, but on a much more sober note, how easy it is to transfer the playful fighting i see in my friends, to the real life fighting in some countries of the world. when young children are given guns and told to shoot... to kill. it seems there is a part of us all, but i think, not sexistly, particularly in men, that can be converted into a killing machine. and that frightens me. alot.
it does make me laugh when i see my friends brandishing plastic guns at me because i've said something to wind them up, but on a much more sober note, how easy it is to transfer the playful fighting i see in my friends, to the real life fighting in some countries of the world. when young children are given guns and told to shoot... to kill. it seems there is a part of us all, but i think, not sexistly, particularly in men, that can be converted into a killing machine. and that frightens me. alot.
Monday, June 19, 2006
when the day sets itself against you...
... oh the things that can happen!
it would take me a long time to do justice to yesterday, sunday 18th june, but as amie so aptly put it, it was an intense day. and nothing happened the way we had wanted it to.
to begin with, we had decided not to go to mary's day because it was £7.50 and looked pants. we planned to get all dressed up and go drink pimm's and eat strawberries by the river. of course that good plan sort of fizzled out when it rained all morning. so, not losing spirit we decided to picnic out in the cloisters, it's pretty out there. but, predictably, there was a band playing there for mary's day. so we went up to the chapel where it's nice and quiet and very beautiful. however, in a fit of conscience we wound up eating just outside the chapel so as not for anyone to think we were being disrespectful. we had a great time, pimm's, crisps, dips, ciabatta, carrots... some great photos.
then the next plan was to go on a boat on the river, there were enough of us for two boats so we got all competitive as you do and started talking about races. we did split up the actual rowers, helen, helen and amie just to make it fair. we got down to the bridge... and the boats we not open, apparantly it's not possible to row in the rain. so, after attempting to jump onto the prince bish as it went under the bridge... on to brown sugar for a hot chocolate yay! but not surprisingly brown sugar was packed. after a great deal of discussion and 'no i don't like that cafe' we settled on esquires, giggling on the way down about how much that day had not gone according to plan but how much fun we were having all the same.
once there we guzzled the strawberries with nutella and cream from the coffees, and talked and laughed and sang and just generally spent time being 'us'. not long before we were thinking of leaving, a man came up and was peering into the window (we were sitting outside, extending the cover overhead with umbrellas!). we started talking to him, and found out his name was michael. he has lived in durham most of his life, but he hasn't had a house or a job for a long time. he looked in a pretty bad way really. amie bought him a coffee and ffi got him some more rizlas, and we talked about all kinds of things. i was shocked to discover that there is nothing for homeless people in his age group in durham. the nearest shelter is newcastle, and there don't seem to even be any soup kitchens. i felt ashamed to be drinking a mocha and eating nutella.
michael asked us if he could come to church with us that evening and we said of course. on the way back we prayed that whether he came of not, he would remember us and would feel something of God's amazing peace and love for him. i love knowing that God loves me and you in exactly the same way as he loves michael. our God is amazing. michael did come to church with us, and two rows back from him was his godmother he hadn't spoken to in years. coincidence? not at all.
an intense day indeed. i'd learnt that morning that my grandad was in hospital again, it's nothing to worry about, but it's there in my mind all the same. my dad got hit a few weeks ago on the motorway and the car is totally ruined. my dad is ok. these are all reminders to me of how little control we have over the events of the day, but also of how much control i believe God has over every single event. it's a humbling thing to realise.
when the day sets itself against you... the things that can happen!
it would take me a long time to do justice to yesterday, sunday 18th june, but as amie so aptly put it, it was an intense day. and nothing happened the way we had wanted it to.
to begin with, we had decided not to go to mary's day because it was £7.50 and looked pants. we planned to get all dressed up and go drink pimm's and eat strawberries by the river. of course that good plan sort of fizzled out when it rained all morning. so, not losing spirit we decided to picnic out in the cloisters, it's pretty out there. but, predictably, there was a band playing there for mary's day. so we went up to the chapel where it's nice and quiet and very beautiful. however, in a fit of conscience we wound up eating just outside the chapel so as not for anyone to think we were being disrespectful. we had a great time, pimm's, crisps, dips, ciabatta, carrots... some great photos.
then the next plan was to go on a boat on the river, there were enough of us for two boats so we got all competitive as you do and started talking about races. we did split up the actual rowers, helen, helen and amie just to make it fair. we got down to the bridge... and the boats we not open, apparantly it's not possible to row in the rain. so, after attempting to jump onto the prince bish as it went under the bridge... on to brown sugar for a hot chocolate yay! but not surprisingly brown sugar was packed. after a great deal of discussion and 'no i don't like that cafe' we settled on esquires, giggling on the way down about how much that day had not gone according to plan but how much fun we were having all the same.
once there we guzzled the strawberries with nutella and cream from the coffees, and talked and laughed and sang and just generally spent time being 'us'. not long before we were thinking of leaving, a man came up and was peering into the window (we were sitting outside, extending the cover overhead with umbrellas!). we started talking to him, and found out his name was michael. he has lived in durham most of his life, but he hasn't had a house or a job for a long time. he looked in a pretty bad way really. amie bought him a coffee and ffi got him some more rizlas, and we talked about all kinds of things. i was shocked to discover that there is nothing for homeless people in his age group in durham. the nearest shelter is newcastle, and there don't seem to even be any soup kitchens. i felt ashamed to be drinking a mocha and eating nutella.
michael asked us if he could come to church with us that evening and we said of course. on the way back we prayed that whether he came of not, he would remember us and would feel something of God's amazing peace and love for him. i love knowing that God loves me and you in exactly the same way as he loves michael. our God is amazing. michael did come to church with us, and two rows back from him was his godmother he hadn't spoken to in years. coincidence? not at all.
an intense day indeed. i'd learnt that morning that my grandad was in hospital again, it's nothing to worry about, but it's there in my mind all the same. my dad got hit a few weeks ago on the motorway and the car is totally ruined. my dad is ok. these are all reminders to me of how little control we have over the events of the day, but also of how much control i believe God has over every single event. it's a humbling thing to realise.
when the day sets itself against you... the things that can happen!
Friday, June 16, 2006
Smells
as in good smells not bad ones!
i was walking earlier today along thinking about smells and scents that make you feel like you've suddenly been transported somewhere quite different. i'm sure most people know what i mean when i say this, and i began to think about the things that transport me to other places. for example, the smell of buttercup syrup reminds me of going skiing because the medicine bottle spilt over all our things. The smell of freshly cut grass makes me think of summer and rain makes me think of New Zealand. Lynx Africa takes me back to the first guy i ever fancied, and the smell of magazines makes me feel sick because it's the smell of dentist waiting rooms and i hate dentists with a fierce passion. dusty roads smells of Peru and Calvin Klein Be smells of Tim to me.
the point i'm making is that i like smells, i love it when i smell something that takes me somewhere else, it's like i was talking about in a previous post, it brings back all sorts of memories, and if i close my eyes and think hard enough, sometimes i feel as though i really have been transported back to the place of that smell.
i was walking earlier today along thinking about smells and scents that make you feel like you've suddenly been transported somewhere quite different. i'm sure most people know what i mean when i say this, and i began to think about the things that transport me to other places. for example, the smell of buttercup syrup reminds me of going skiing because the medicine bottle spilt over all our things. The smell of freshly cut grass makes me think of summer and rain makes me think of New Zealand. Lynx Africa takes me back to the first guy i ever fancied, and the smell of magazines makes me feel sick because it's the smell of dentist waiting rooms and i hate dentists with a fierce passion. dusty roads smells of Peru and Calvin Klein Be smells of Tim to me.
the point i'm making is that i like smells, i love it when i smell something that takes me somewhere else, it's like i was talking about in a previous post, it brings back all sorts of memories, and if i close my eyes and think hard enough, sometimes i feel as though i really have been transported back to the place of that smell.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
PRAGUE ROCKS!!!!!
oh i have had the most awesome few days in prague, and it would take me years literally to explain everything properly, and you would probably get bored and jealous of my ranting, so here is my prague experience in a bunch of words/phrases:
beautiful architecture, fantastic apple strudel, absinthe, singing the same songs over and over in my head, amazing gothic cathedral, lots of walking, incredible views, laughing until almost sick, dancing in ma-hu-sive klute-like club, negociating scary trams, trying to stop Gary from punching waiter, too many sexual inuendos, rusks, great food, beautiful scarves, late nights and early mornings, sunshine, cocktails, wonderful icecream from Dream and Cream (hee hee), delayed flight, new and closer friends, arriving home in daylight!, highlight of the year.
well, just read over that, is a pretty random list of stuff, but there you go, would be shorter than writing it all out! this really is a flying visit to durham, off to CU houseparty tomorrow to the lovely wensleydale and i'm really looking forward to that. this really is 'the time of our lives' if i can say so without the cliche, which is admittedly pretty hard, but i am trying! i remember when i was younger, like around 14/15, someone telling me to grab every opportunity that comes at me in life with both hands. my one greatest ambition is to get to the end of my life and know with all my heart that i wouldn't change anything i did in my life if i were to go back and start again. i want to know that i've lived my life with every ounce of energy i had, and to enjoy every moment.
right now i feel pretty good. i have had a wonderful term, i'm being given so many opportunities to do things here, and even though i am so unbelievably tired it's getting hard to focus on anything... i am so so so happy.
i love my life!
x x x
beautiful architecture, fantastic apple strudel, absinthe, singing the same songs over and over in my head, amazing gothic cathedral, lots of walking, incredible views, laughing until almost sick, dancing in ma-hu-sive klute-like club, negociating scary trams, trying to stop Gary from punching waiter, too many sexual inuendos, rusks, great food, beautiful scarves, late nights and early mornings, sunshine, cocktails, wonderful icecream from Dream and Cream (hee hee), delayed flight, new and closer friends, arriving home in daylight!, highlight of the year.
well, just read over that, is a pretty random list of stuff, but there you go, would be shorter than writing it all out! this really is a flying visit to durham, off to CU houseparty tomorrow to the lovely wensleydale and i'm really looking forward to that. this really is 'the time of our lives' if i can say so without the cliche, which is admittedly pretty hard, but i am trying! i remember when i was younger, like around 14/15, someone telling me to grab every opportunity that comes at me in life with both hands. my one greatest ambition is to get to the end of my life and know with all my heart that i wouldn't change anything i did in my life if i were to go back and start again. i want to know that i've lived my life with every ounce of energy i had, and to enjoy every moment.
right now i feel pretty good. i have had a wonderful term, i'm being given so many opportunities to do things here, and even though i am so unbelievably tired it's getting hard to focus on anything... i am so so so happy.
i love my life!
x x x
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz...
... well that is if he lives in Prague, which I'm not sure about, I'll have to get back to you on that one. But anyroad, this is my last post for a while, because I'm off to Prague! Yay. Very exciting. We're singing a couple of concerts and then sightseeing and partying til Friday. I was thinking this morning that I've never been anywhere in the world where I didn't at least vaguely speak the language. In other words even though I've travelled a fair amount, I've acutally only been to English, French or Spanish speaking countries. So it'll be an experience for me to practice my non-existent Czech!
Well, this can't be any longer I've still got a load of stuff to do. I hope I've got everything! Passport Bridget. Pants.
Well, that's all I really need really at the end of the day!
Enjoy the sunshine and I'll see you all soon. Provided I don't get hijacked anyways, but it's ok, my insurance covers me for that! Not sure who gets the money seeing as I will be locked up somewhere... maybe my family? Ah well.
Chao.
x x x
ps... we here he is a wiz of a wiz if ever a wiz there was.
Well, this can't be any longer I've still got a load of stuff to do. I hope I've got everything! Passport Bridget. Pants.
Well, that's all I really need really at the end of the day!
Enjoy the sunshine and I'll see you all soon. Provided I don't get hijacked anyways, but it's ok, my insurance covers me for that! Not sure who gets the money seeing as I will be locked up somewhere... maybe my family? Ah well.
Chao.
x x x
ps... we here he is a wiz of a wiz if ever a wiz there was.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Friends
aren't friends the best things ever? well at least since sliced bread.
but seriously, i don't know where i'd be without all my friends. and it's only since coming to durham that i've realised how amazing true friends are. how there are people here that love me and accept me for who i am and would do anything for me. how incredible is that?!
last night we had a very girly girly night with the 'mildert lot' and it was soooo much fun. proper post-exam destressness. (which btw totally is a word, i looking in the dictionary.) and not only was it fun and brilliant to just chill out and go wild, but also i was given a place to sleep, and shampoo to have a shower (thanks vicky!) and it was awesome to be around such great people! i know this doesn't sound much, but my friends here in durham, all of them, are such an important part of my life, i just feel so privilaged and blessed by everyone.
so yeah, here's to all my friends.
but seriously, i don't know where i'd be without all my friends. and it's only since coming to durham that i've realised how amazing true friends are. how there are people here that love me and accept me for who i am and would do anything for me. how incredible is that?!
last night we had a very girly girly night with the 'mildert lot' and it was soooo much fun. proper post-exam destressness. (which btw totally is a word, i looking in the dictionary.) and not only was it fun and brilliant to just chill out and go wild, but also i was given a place to sleep, and shampoo to have a shower (thanks vicky!) and it was awesome to be around such great people! i know this doesn't sound much, but my friends here in durham, all of them, are such an important part of my life, i just feel so privilaged and blessed by everyone.
so yeah, here's to all my friends.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
13 hours...
... and it'll all be over and maybe i'll be able to write something decent because i can empty my brain of daft facts about language/history/culture/identity/etc/etc.
i appear to be just about last to finish exams,
story of my life that is, being last. roll on the day when i drop my surname!
i appear to be just about last to finish exams,
story of my life that is, being last. roll on the day when i drop my surname!
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
The time has come
the walrus said,
to talk of many things.
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax,
and cabbages and kings.
And why the sea is boiling hot,
and whether pigs have wings...
to talk of many things.
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax,
and cabbages and kings.
And why the sea is boiling hot,
and whether pigs have wings...
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Hee hee
Just done a really funny 'What Kind of Kisser Are You?' thing and here's the results:
Got the link off Helen's blog but as I dont know how to put it on mine then I'm sure she wouldn't mind you getting it off hers if you want to do it too.... helencoad@blogspot.com
| You Are a Sensitive Kisser |
 And you need lot of care, attention, and privacy It may take you a while to kiss someone... But when you do, it's total fireworks |
Got the link off Helen's blog but as I dont know how to put it on mine then I'm sure she wouldn't mind you getting it off hers if you want to do it too.... helencoad@blogspot.com
AAAARRGGHHH!!!
Do you ever wish you could decant the thoughts in your mind? You know, like Dumbledore does in Harry Potter, he puts all his thoughts into a Pensive, which as two major benefits. First his mind doesn't get so full of thought after thought after thought so that if eventually feels like either it's going to burst or he's going to go insane... and second he can come back to thoughts that he would have otherwise forgotten about. Sounds great doesn't it. Unfortunately us Muggles have to put up with a pen and paper.
Sometimes it is so easy to forget everything around you. When you're with someone you feel so totally confortable with that you forget there even is a world out there, or when you're lying in bed and you don't have to get up and you just doze in and out of such a beautiful thoughtless sleep, or when you see something that is so incredibly breathtakingly exquisite, or when you are listening to a song that for whatever reason transports you somewhere else... You just forget all the things that you have to think about and it's blissful.
But then there is always that moment when it all comes rushing back, when you remember. Sometimes I think that having no memory would be amazing, but then, when I get to those moments that I do forget I wouldn't trade them for the world, and they wouldn't be half as amazing if I couldn't remember why they were amazing. Does that make sense? I don't think so but I know what I mean.
Sometimes it is so easy to forget everything around you. When you're with someone you feel so totally confortable with that you forget there even is a world out there, or when you're lying in bed and you don't have to get up and you just doze in and out of such a beautiful thoughtless sleep, or when you see something that is so incredibly breathtakingly exquisite, or when you are listening to a song that for whatever reason transports you somewhere else... You just forget all the things that you have to think about and it's blissful.
But then there is always that moment when it all comes rushing back, when you remember. Sometimes I think that having no memory would be amazing, but then, when I get to those moments that I do forget I wouldn't trade them for the world, and they wouldn't be half as amazing if I couldn't remember why they were amazing. Does that make sense? I don't think so but I know what I mean.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Mindless Necessity
Just done an exam and got another 4 to go. Wahoo!
But instead of revision I've spent a fair amount of time just faffing about, or procrastinating as seems to be our favourite word at the moment.
I was just looking on the Disney Princess website to find out which one I would be, and I was all set to fix the answers so I could come out as Pocahontas - my favourite princess, I always wanted to be her when I was a kid, and still do in fact! Anyway when the first question was about what kind of hair I have I just couldn't lie and put 'long and dark and straight' I had to put 'blonde' even though my lovely room mate said I should put 'red'. IT GOT BLEACHED IN THE SUN I DID NOT DIE MY HAIR GINGER!!!! How many times people?!
Anyways, so I came out as Belle which I am very happy about because she is my second favourite princess and I want a dress like hers. And now I am listening to Disney songs and singing and dancing along.
I would say that's what exams do to you, but I would do that anyway. So that would have been a totally pointless thing to say.
You know I was all set to write something profound about exams today but I don't really want to any more I'm in a lovely Disney world. Oooh, one of my friends made a lovely comment about me yesterday, well I don't know if he intended it to be lovely but I thought it was, he said he would love to know what the world I live in was like, because it obviously isn't the same one he lives in! It's so true!!!
Love to the masses. x xx x
But instead of revision I've spent a fair amount of time just faffing about, or procrastinating as seems to be our favourite word at the moment.
I was just looking on the Disney Princess website to find out which one I would be, and I was all set to fix the answers so I could come out as Pocahontas - my favourite princess, I always wanted to be her when I was a kid, and still do in fact! Anyway when the first question was about what kind of hair I have I just couldn't lie and put 'long and dark and straight' I had to put 'blonde' even though my lovely room mate said I should put 'red'. IT GOT BLEACHED IN THE SUN I DID NOT DIE MY HAIR GINGER!!!! How many times people?!
Anyways, so I came out as Belle which I am very happy about because she is my second favourite princess and I want a dress like hers. And now I am listening to Disney songs and singing and dancing along.
I would say that's what exams do to you, but I would do that anyway. So that would have been a totally pointless thing to say.
You know I was all set to write something profound about exams today but I don't really want to any more I'm in a lovely Disney world. Oooh, one of my friends made a lovely comment about me yesterday, well I don't know if he intended it to be lovely but I thought it was, he said he would love to know what the world I live in was like, because it obviously isn't the same one he lives in! It's so true!!!
Love to the masses. x xx x
Thursday, May 18, 2006
long time.
... in a different sense this time. it is four years today since tim asked me out. amie asked me this morning if i feel alot different since then. i was thinking, yeah i guess i do. so much has happened since that day and at my little baby 16 years old i really do think i am different from then! i think tim and i probably have both changed alot since then. hopefully in good ways!
i don't have another exam now until tuesday. i feel like i'm in a constant state of pensiveness at the moment and i dont really know why. i just feel pretty melancholy and thoughtful! the weather has been so beautiful recently, yesterday was pouring with rain and today is perfectly still and calm and i feel like i just want to be outside, on top of a hill, watching the sunset and thinking. all on my own with no-one there. i dont know why, i don't want to be away from people, i just feel like i want to be on top of a hill!
random. xxx
i don't have another exam now until tuesday. i feel like i'm in a constant state of pensiveness at the moment and i dont really know why. i just feel pretty melancholy and thoughtful! the weather has been so beautiful recently, yesterday was pouring with rain and today is perfectly still and calm and i feel like i just want to be outside, on top of a hill, watching the sunset and thinking. all on my own with no-one there. i dont know why, i don't want to be away from people, i just feel like i want to be on top of a hill!
random. xxx
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
long time.
i have managed to not write for so long that i can't even think of something to write now.
i could write about exams, and how i hardly see anyone who isn't stressed except me. but exams are boring. so i wont. i could write about the rabbits that have been breading like rabbits that live outside our windows, there are so many now and are so cute to watch, but are a distraction from revision!
i could write about something totally random like how odd it is that you only will ever see things through your own eyes and i'm not even being philosophical here talking about perspectives, i genuinely mean that it is strange that you can never, ever see the same thing that someone else sees. what if every person sees a completely different world from everyone else? we will never, ever know the answer to that.
i could write something serious and thought provoking about just how difficult it is for us to live the lives we want to live, how hard it is to do what we want. it says in the Bible how we always do the things we don't want to do and never seem to do the things we want to do. how true that is. tim wrote about regrets on his blog, and how easy it is to regret either doing or not doing something. i find myself making new resolutions almost every day and then at the end of the day find that they haven't featured in my life that day at all. i am left feeling ashamed that i can't be a better person... and then the next day i fail to do what i want again.
i could write about so many things. i feel like my head is a big water balloon that if filling up with stuff. some of it useful, some of it not! and it feels like anytime soon it might burst and i'll become totally insane! i sometimes think that i think too much, and in thinking that i realise that i am thinking about thinking, which is just another thing to add to my brain that is already so full of thoughts.
i have often wished that i were really good at something, really good at art, or music, or poetry, or writing stories, because i have so much inside me that i want to express, so many feelings about things that i want to show other people but i feel like i have no medium in which to express myself. i have tried drawing how i feel, but it doesn't work. how then did the famous painters do it? i have tried to write what is inside me but it just doesn't come out right, it just seems clumsy and stupid.
i could write so many things.
but these are just a few of my thoughts at the moment. life is interesting.
i could write about exams, and how i hardly see anyone who isn't stressed except me. but exams are boring. so i wont. i could write about the rabbits that have been breading like rabbits that live outside our windows, there are so many now and are so cute to watch, but are a distraction from revision!
i could write about something totally random like how odd it is that you only will ever see things through your own eyes and i'm not even being philosophical here talking about perspectives, i genuinely mean that it is strange that you can never, ever see the same thing that someone else sees. what if every person sees a completely different world from everyone else? we will never, ever know the answer to that.
i could write something serious and thought provoking about just how difficult it is for us to live the lives we want to live, how hard it is to do what we want. it says in the Bible how we always do the things we don't want to do and never seem to do the things we want to do. how true that is. tim wrote about regrets on his blog, and how easy it is to regret either doing or not doing something. i find myself making new resolutions almost every day and then at the end of the day find that they haven't featured in my life that day at all. i am left feeling ashamed that i can't be a better person... and then the next day i fail to do what i want again.
i could write about so many things. i feel like my head is a big water balloon that if filling up with stuff. some of it useful, some of it not! and it feels like anytime soon it might burst and i'll become totally insane! i sometimes think that i think too much, and in thinking that i realise that i am thinking about thinking, which is just another thing to add to my brain that is already so full of thoughts.
i have often wished that i were really good at something, really good at art, or music, or poetry, or writing stories, because i have so much inside me that i want to express, so many feelings about things that i want to show other people but i feel like i have no medium in which to express myself. i have tried drawing how i feel, but it doesn't work. how then did the famous painters do it? i have tried to write what is inside me but it just doesn't come out right, it just seems clumsy and stupid.
i could write so many things.
but these are just a few of my thoughts at the moment. life is interesting.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Easter
...i asked my brother what i should write about today and this is what he said. easter.
so, seeing as it is a pretty good thing to talk about i will. he's quite clever really.
i read tim's blog just now about easter day and what it means to him, you should read it it's www.pigeonboy.blogspot.com i was thinking about how different people approach easter and its meaning. the sermon at church yesterday was about looking for Jesus among the living not among the dead. that means looking for him in the real world not just in a dark stuffy stone church building every few public holidays. i guess though that this is all christianity is to alot of people. it's sad for me to think this because Jesus is so alive to me and my life is worth living because of him.
something else tim had written on his blog (he's a very good writer actually) was about we live our lives to love and to be loved. in every context i can think of this is the case... religion, friends, relationships, life itself. life is all about love... every kind of love you can think of, and something i've begun to realise recently is how important it is to love 'life'.
i guess i should end with some cheesy cliched quote or proverb or something. but i'm not going to! enjoy your day everyone. love life.
x x x
so, seeing as it is a pretty good thing to talk about i will. he's quite clever really.
i read tim's blog just now about easter day and what it means to him, you should read it it's www.pigeonboy.blogspot.com i was thinking about how different people approach easter and its meaning. the sermon at church yesterday was about looking for Jesus among the living not among the dead. that means looking for him in the real world not just in a dark stuffy stone church building every few public holidays. i guess though that this is all christianity is to alot of people. it's sad for me to think this because Jesus is so alive to me and my life is worth living because of him.
something else tim had written on his blog (he's a very good writer actually) was about we live our lives to love and to be loved. in every context i can think of this is the case... religion, friends, relationships, life itself. life is all about love... every kind of love you can think of, and something i've begun to realise recently is how important it is to love 'life'.
i guess i should end with some cheesy cliched quote or proverb or something. but i'm not going to! enjoy your day everyone. love life.
x x x
Monday, April 10, 2006
Road Rage, you just gotta laugh...
... well i was laughing yesterday and the nutter who got really mad at me! let me explain:
i was driving down Leeds Road (which is a fairly major road for anyone who doesn't know!) at 9pm last night and i wanted to turn off to the right but as i indicated and slowed down i suddenly thought, from looking at the road layout that you couldn't turn that way, also i would have had to cross two lanes of traffic, so i quickly turned off the indicator and drove straight on. when i began to indicate there was no-one behind me, but as i pulled off there was a car behind me who must have been going really fast and he slammed on his horn. (sorry i shouldn't be sexist it could have been a woman!) and he kept on his horn almost all the way down the rest of that road to the roundabout. i couldn't help but giggle, i really hadn't done that much and he shouldn't have been driving in my boot! anyways then i went all the way round the roundabout to go back the way i'd come and he beeped at me again as he overtook me. i really did find it funny, especially that he was probably swearing at me and getting himself (or herself) into a right tizz when i couldn't care less!
so there's the lesson for today, don't get angry on the road, it doesn't help anyone because the person you're angry at won't even know, or care and is probably laughing at you! i think that alot of life is like that. when you get angry with someone it's only effective if they care, otherwise you just get wound up yourself. my parents (as wise as they are) always used to say about people embarrassing you that the only person who can make you embarrassed is yourself, because if you didn't let it bother you, then nothing anyone did would cause you embarrassment. it is true, though i'm sure they only said it so they could carry on trying to embarrass us in public!
so there's my thought for the day, whatever your emotions are, they are probably caused by and affect only you, or at least mainly you. so don't get stressed, angry or embarrassed when it's probably not worth it and definately bad for your health! be happy and all that jazz!
x x x
i was driving down Leeds Road (which is a fairly major road for anyone who doesn't know!) at 9pm last night and i wanted to turn off to the right but as i indicated and slowed down i suddenly thought, from looking at the road layout that you couldn't turn that way, also i would have had to cross two lanes of traffic, so i quickly turned off the indicator and drove straight on. when i began to indicate there was no-one behind me, but as i pulled off there was a car behind me who must have been going really fast and he slammed on his horn. (sorry i shouldn't be sexist it could have been a woman!) and he kept on his horn almost all the way down the rest of that road to the roundabout. i couldn't help but giggle, i really hadn't done that much and he shouldn't have been driving in my boot! anyways then i went all the way round the roundabout to go back the way i'd come and he beeped at me again as he overtook me. i really did find it funny, especially that he was probably swearing at me and getting himself (or herself) into a right tizz when i couldn't care less!
so there's the lesson for today, don't get angry on the road, it doesn't help anyone because the person you're angry at won't even know, or care and is probably laughing at you! i think that alot of life is like that. when you get angry with someone it's only effective if they care, otherwise you just get wound up yourself. my parents (as wise as they are) always used to say about people embarrassing you that the only person who can make you embarrassed is yourself, because if you didn't let it bother you, then nothing anyone did would cause you embarrassment. it is true, though i'm sure they only said it so they could carry on trying to embarrass us in public!
so there's my thought for the day, whatever your emotions are, they are probably caused by and affect only you, or at least mainly you. so don't get stressed, angry or embarrassed when it's probably not worth it and definately bad for your health! be happy and all that jazz!
x x x
Friday, April 07, 2006
Scary Dreams
hello. i thought today, instead of writing about real life i would tell you all about the very very odd dream i had last night.
i was round at tim's house and we were in his bedroom laughing about something, i didn't know what but it was very very funny. then suddenly his mum stuck her head round the door and got very cross because we were making far too much noise and she was ill and we should have remembered that. i didn't find it odd at all that she was wearing really bright clothes and had huge peacock feather earrings...
then suddenly we were downstairs in his living room and his mum had just dropped a whole bowl of blackcurrants on the floor and we were trying to pick them up without squashing them into the carpet. i had carefully stepped between the berries and was picking them up when tim jumped on my back and made me fall over squishing berries everywhere.
then suddenly i was at work (a kids' club) cutting out pictures of cars that the kids had drawn to put on a big piece of black paper to mount on the wall.
then i woke up.
i read recently that 80% of our dreams come from the day before, but i have NO idea where all that came from, except maybe the bit about work. and i always find it really odd how nothing ever seems strange in a dream, even the most bizarre things, you just accept them as if it's all normal! but then i suppose we could get into a big huge discussion about what normal actually is anyway. but i won't go into that here!
bye bye.
i was round at tim's house and we were in his bedroom laughing about something, i didn't know what but it was very very funny. then suddenly his mum stuck her head round the door and got very cross because we were making far too much noise and she was ill and we should have remembered that. i didn't find it odd at all that she was wearing really bright clothes and had huge peacock feather earrings...
then suddenly we were downstairs in his living room and his mum had just dropped a whole bowl of blackcurrants on the floor and we were trying to pick them up without squashing them into the carpet. i had carefully stepped between the berries and was picking them up when tim jumped on my back and made me fall over squishing berries everywhere.
then suddenly i was at work (a kids' club) cutting out pictures of cars that the kids had drawn to put on a big piece of black paper to mount on the wall.
then i woke up.
i read recently that 80% of our dreams come from the day before, but i have NO idea where all that came from, except maybe the bit about work. and i always find it really odd how nothing ever seems strange in a dream, even the most bizarre things, you just accept them as if it's all normal! but then i suppose we could get into a big huge discussion about what normal actually is anyway. but i won't go into that here!
bye bye.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
hello everyone and anyone.
today has been quite a fun day. i watched myself as a little kid on the video we have this morning, it was very amusing and it really felt like i was watching another person more than myself. i guess because i don't actually remember saying and doing those things it just doesn't feel like me. but anyways i summed up that i was quite a sweet but incredibly annoying child!
i thought i would put in a random picture to make this post more fun:
this is me holding the baby of a friend from church. she was only one day old! (the baby not the friend...) anyways just thought i'd put it on here for no particular reason. (well actually the reason is because the picture i wanted to put on won't upload so i chose this one instead but you didn't really need to know all that)so there you go. funness.
i also went to tim's house today for elevenses and lunch (he thinks all i think about is food!) and then i went to work and then my friend's house where we had fun looking at more videos of us, but this was from only two years ago!
so all in all a fun day for me! i hope everyone is well and happy and happy and well. i'm not working tomorrow but i'm going to have to do lots of revision seeing as i haven't done any all week. oh no! (insert sarcasm here)
love y'all x x x
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