13 hours...

... and it'll all be over and maybe i'll be able to write something decent because i can empty my brain of daft facts about language/history/culture/identity/etc/etc.

i appear to be just about last to finish exams,
story of my life that is, being last. roll on the day when i drop my surname!

The time has come

the walrus said,
to talk of many things.
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax,
and cabbages and kings.
And why the sea is boiling hot,
and whether pigs have wings...

Hee hee

Just done a really funny 'What Kind of Kisser Are You?' thing and here's the results:

You Are a Sensitive Kisser

For you, kissing is a way to connect And you need lot of care, attention, and privacy It may take you a while to kiss someone... But when you do, it's total fireworks

What's" Your Kissing Style?

Got the link off Helen's blog but as I dont know how to put it on mine then I'm sure she wouldn't mind you getting it off hers if you want to do it too.... helencoad@blogspot.com

AAAARRGGHHH!!!

Do you ever wish you could decant the thoughts in your mind? You know, like Dumbledore does in Harry Potter, he puts all his thoughts into a Pensive, which as two major benefits. First his mind doesn't get so full of thought after thought after thought so that if eventually feels like either it's going to burst or he's going to go insane... and second he can come back to thoughts that he would have otherwise forgotten about. Sounds great doesn't it. Unfortunately us Muggles have to put up with a pen and paper.

Sometimes it is so easy to forget everything around you. When you're with someone you feel so totally confortable with that you forget there even is a world out there, or when you're lying in bed and you don't have to get up and you just doze in and out of such a beautiful thoughtless sleep, or when you see something that is so incredibly breathtakingly exquisite, or when you are listening to a song that for whatever reason transports you somewhere else... You just forget all the things that you have to think about and it's blissful.

But then there is always that moment when it all comes rushing back, when you remember. Sometimes I think that having no memory would be amazing, but then, when I get to those moments that I do forget I wouldn't trade them for the world, and they wouldn't be half as amazing if I couldn't remember why they were amazing. Does that make sense? I don't think so but I know what I mean.

Mindless Necessity

Just done an exam and got another 4 to go. Wahoo!
But instead of revision I've spent a fair amount of time just faffing about, or procrastinating as seems to be our favourite word at the moment.
I was just looking on the Disney Princess website to find out which one I would be, and I was all set to fix the answers so I could come out as Pocahontas - my favourite princess, I always wanted to be her when I was a kid, and still do in fact! Anyway when the first question was about what kind of hair I have I just couldn't lie and put 'long and dark and straight' I had to put 'blonde' even though my lovely room mate said I should put 'red'. IT GOT BLEACHED IN THE SUN I DID NOT DIE MY HAIR GINGER!!!! How many times people?!

Anyways, so I came out as Belle which I am very happy about because she is my second favourite princess and I want a dress like hers. And now I am listening to Disney songs and singing and dancing along.
I would say that's what exams do to you, but I would do that anyway. So that would have been a totally pointless thing to say.
You know I was all set to write something profound about exams today but I don't really want to any more I'm in a lovely Disney world. Oooh, one of my friends made a lovely comment about me yesterday, well I don't know if he intended it to be lovely but I thought it was, he said he would love to know what the world I live in was like, because it obviously isn't the same one he lives in! It's so true!!!

Love to the masses. x xx x

long time.

... in a different sense this time. it is four years today since tim asked me out. amie asked me this morning if i feel alot different since then. i was thinking, yeah i guess i do. so much has happened since that day and at my little baby 16 years old i really do think i am different from then! i think tim and i probably have both changed alot since then. hopefully in good ways!

i don't have another exam now until tuesday. i feel like i'm in a constant state of pensiveness at the moment and i dont really know why. i just feel pretty melancholy and thoughtful! the weather has been so beautiful recently, yesterday was pouring with rain and today is perfectly still and calm and i feel like i just want to be outside, on top of a hill, watching the sunset and thinking. all on my own with no-one there. i dont know why, i don't want to be away from people, i just feel like i want to be on top of a hill!

random. xxx

long time.

i have managed to not write for so long that i can't even think of something to write now.
i could write about exams, and how i hardly see anyone who isn't stressed except me. but exams are boring. so i wont. i could write about the rabbits that have been breading like rabbits that live outside our windows, there are so many now and are so cute to watch, but are a distraction from revision!

i could write about something totally random like how odd it is that you only will ever see things through your own eyes and i'm not even being philosophical here talking about perspectives, i genuinely mean that it is strange that you can never, ever see the same thing that someone else sees. what if every person sees a completely different world from everyone else? we will never, ever know the answer to that.

i could write something serious and thought provoking about just how difficult it is for us to live the lives we want to live, how hard it is to do what we want. it says in the Bible how we always do the things we don't want to do and never seem to do the things we want to do. how true that is. tim wrote about regrets on his blog, and how easy it is to regret either doing or not doing something. i find myself making new resolutions almost every day and then at the end of the day find that they haven't featured in my life that day at all. i am left feeling ashamed that i can't be a better person... and then the next day i fail to do what i want again.

i could write about so many things. i feel like my head is a big water balloon that if filling up with stuff. some of it useful, some of it not! and it feels like anytime soon it might burst and i'll become totally insane! i sometimes think that i think too much, and in thinking that i realise that i am thinking about thinking, which is just another thing to add to my brain that is already so full of thoughts.

i have often wished that i were really good at something, really good at art, or music, or poetry, or writing stories, because i have so much inside me that i want to express, so many feelings about things that i want to show other people but i feel like i have no medium in which to express myself. i have tried drawing how i feel, but it doesn't work. how then did the famous painters do it? i have tried to write what is inside me but it just doesn't come out right, it just seems clumsy and stupid.

i could write so many things.
but these are just a few of my thoughts at the moment. life is interesting.

Easter

...i asked my brother what i should write about today and this is what he said. easter.
so, seeing as it is a pretty good thing to talk about i will. he's quite clever really.

i read tim's blog just now about easter day and what it means to him, you should read it it's www.pigeonboy.blogspot.com i was thinking about how different people approach easter and its meaning. the sermon at church yesterday was about looking for Jesus among the living not among the dead. that means looking for him in the real world not just in a dark stuffy stone church building every few public holidays. i guess though that this is all christianity is to alot of people. it's sad for me to think this because Jesus is so alive to me and my life is worth living because of him.

something else tim had written on his blog (he's a very good writer actually) was about we live our lives to love and to be loved. in every context i can think of this is the case... religion, friends, relationships, life itself. life is all about love... every kind of love you can think of, and something i've begun to realise recently is how important it is to love 'life'.

i guess i should end with some cheesy cliched quote or proverb or something. but i'm not going to! enjoy your day everyone. love life.
x x x

Road Rage, you just gotta laugh...

... well i was laughing yesterday and the nutter who got really mad at me! let me explain:
i was driving down Leeds Road (which is a fairly major road for anyone who doesn't know!) at 9pm last night and i wanted to turn off to the right but as i indicated and slowed down i suddenly thought, from looking at the road layout that you couldn't turn that way, also i would have had to cross two lanes of traffic, so i quickly turned off the indicator and drove straight on. when i began to indicate there was no-one behind me, but as i pulled off there was a car behind me who must have been going really fast and he slammed on his horn. (sorry i shouldn't be sexist it could have been a woman!) and he kept on his horn almost all the way down the rest of that road to the roundabout. i couldn't help but giggle, i really hadn't done that much and he shouldn't have been driving in my boot! anyways then i went all the way round the roundabout to go back the way i'd come and he beeped at me again as he overtook me. i really did find it funny, especially that he was probably swearing at me and getting himself (or herself) into a right tizz when i couldn't care less!

so there's the lesson for today, don't get angry on the road, it doesn't help anyone because the person you're angry at won't even know, or care and is probably laughing at you! i think that alot of life is like that. when you get angry with someone it's only effective if they care, otherwise you just get wound up yourself. my parents (as wise as they are) always used to say about people embarrassing you that the only person who can make you embarrassed is yourself, because if you didn't let it bother you, then nothing anyone did would cause you embarrassment. it is true, though i'm sure they only said it so they could carry on trying to embarrass us in public!

so there's my thought for the day, whatever your emotions are, they are probably caused by and affect only you, or at least mainly you. so don't get stressed, angry or embarrassed when it's probably not worth it and definately bad for your health! be happy and all that jazz!
x x x

Scary Dreams

hello. i thought today, instead of writing about real life i would tell you all about the very very odd dream i had last night.

i was round at tim's house and we were in his bedroom laughing about something, i didn't know what but it was very very funny. then suddenly his mum stuck her head round the door and got very cross because we were making far too much noise and she was ill and we should have remembered that. i didn't find it odd at all that she was wearing really bright clothes and had huge peacock feather earrings...
then suddenly we were downstairs in his living room and his mum had just dropped a whole bowl of blackcurrants on the floor and we were trying to pick them up without squashing them into the carpet. i had carefully stepped between the berries and was picking them up when tim jumped on my back and made me fall over squishing berries everywhere.
then suddenly i was at work (a kids' club) cutting out pictures of cars that the kids had drawn to put on a big piece of black paper to mount on the wall.
then i woke up.

i read recently that 80% of our dreams come from the day before, but i have NO idea where all that came from, except maybe the bit about work. and i always find it really odd how nothing ever seems strange in a dream, even the most bizarre things, you just accept them as if it's all normal! but then i suppose we could get into a big huge discussion about what normal actually is anyway. but i won't go into that here!
bye bye.

hello everyone and anyone.
today has been quite a fun day. i watched myself as a little kid on the video we have this morning, it was very amusing and it really felt like i was watching another person more than myself. i guess because i don't actually remember saying and doing those things it just doesn't feel like me. but anyways i summed up that i was quite a sweet but incredibly annoying child!
i thought i would put in a random picture to make this post more fun:

this is me holding the baby of a friend from church. she was only one day old! (the baby not the friend...) anyways just thought i'd put it on here for no particular reason. (well actually the reason is because the picture i wanted to put on won't upload so i chose this one instead but you didn't really need to know all that)

so there you go. funness.
i also went to tim's house today for elevenses and lunch (he thinks all i think about is food!) and then i went to work and then my friend's house where we had fun looking at more videos of us, but this was from only two years ago!

so all in all a fun day for me! i hope everyone is well and happy and happy and well. i'm not working tomorrow but i'm going to have to do lots of revision seeing as i haven't done any all week. oh no! (insert sarcasm here)
love y'all x x x

Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

... i'm just listening to this on the elton john album, and i was thinking how weird (did i spell that right tim?!) it would be if the sun never did go down. do you think we'd all just feel like we had to stay awake all the time, i'm not very good at sleeping when it's light outside, maybe we'd all just get tireder and tireder until we couldn't survive any more, and then it would have been vrey bad for the sun not to have gone down. i dont think mr elton john should sing songs like that when the consequences would be so disasterous for mankind.

but then i suppose he also sings one called crocodile rock and it wouldn't be very good if a rock was made out of crocodiles either, you'd sit down for your picnic and get gobbled up instead! yeah anyways, don't know what's up with me today, i'm actually very cold right now, my fingers are freezing, it always happens to me when i'm at the computer, does anyone else get that?

anywho, i'm going to tootle off now, as you may have guessed not much interesting is going on here at the moment! love you all x x x

Chocolate and Banana

hello everyone. just thought i'd post just how much i lurve chocolate and banana, in sandwiches, melted together any way, i love them both together. yum.

anyways, just thought i'd put something today a little more serious about something i've been thinking about alot recently. you see i'm beginning to (unfortunately) lose a little faith in humans because it seems to me that you can never really truely know a person. we all think that we know our family, our friends, those closest to us, but then it can happen so easily: they go and do something that makes no sense, that goes against everything you thought you knew about them and there's nothing you can do about it. it makes me wonder if we ever really know anyone at all. maybe we don't ever really get to know a person properly and we live our whole lives deceived into thinking that we do. and yet i know, and everyone knows that we have to live as if we do know the people around us because we couldn't survive if we lived in distrust of everyone. it's like we have to trust everyone knowing that they may well be deceiving us, even if they don't know it yet.

it seems very hard to get past this way of thinking, i do trust the people closest to me and i know how dangerous it is to live knowing that they might or will hurt me, i know how bad that if for relationships and health! but sometimes it is hard to get past that when people can do such unexpected things.

anyway i'm not in a depressed mood or anything i'm really quite happy, but this is just something that's been on my mind recently.
x x x

look at the hotness...!

as requested here are pictures of me skiing, i don't have one with the fancy sunburn but i eill try to get one taken soon!
i've just eaten the best roast chicken dinner of my life. and now i think a little nap is in order, compulsory sunday afternoon activity! or edd and i will watch 24 cos he's hooked now too! yay x

CRASH she comes back to earth!

hello anyone and everyone again. i'm home again with no broken bones and a very daft looking suntan! i think 'panda eyes' is the phrase one uses to refer to someone who's blatently just been skiing and got very badly sunburnt around the goggles! lol, i have a very fetching red stripe accross my forehead from the gap between hat and goggles! but anywho i had an amazing time! and now i'm home!

it feels kind of odd and i have the usual back-from-holdiday feel where i dont quite feel ready to go back to the real world. i have so much stuff to do and i got my job as a playworker which is excellent, i'm weel chuffed and i know i'll love it, but i do have to start on wednesday at 7.30 IN THE MORNING! argh! how will i cope! i haven't seen that unearthly hour for so long i can't even remember what it looks like!

but never mind it's a job, i will get money and i get to do something i enjoy so all in all it's ok! and i get to see my family again which is very good, and hopefully i'll see tim too.
so, i've just spent ages reading everyone else's blogs and playing some more on facebook, both of which have helped me come back to reality! lol, which i suppose is ironic as neither of them are actual reality... anyways! i've not really got much else to say so i'll go now. bye bye anyone who reads this i love you lots! x

home again home again jiggity jig

...something my mother used to sing whenever we got home from somewhere.
so yeah, here i am at home again. it's nice to see everyone here but boy do i miss durham already! i guess it's worse cos everyone else is still there today!
but anywho enough of the wallowing in self pity... this week has been the cooliest week ever!
went out with tim and his friends for drinks on monday night, ended up in some very scarily scary conversations that went right over my head, and from the looks on their faces i'll keep it that way!
but tuesday saw me and ffion in studio yeah! met up with loads of random people and had a great time. how much do i love dancing, it actually is the best form of therapy/exercise/fun/madness ever in the whole wide world! and that's not hyperbole! lol.
and then wednesday was Back2Skool and HOW much fun was that?!?!?! possibly my best night in durham this term, we all went and so did tim and all his friends. we went bouncy-castleing (you so can make that into a verb!) drank tequila shots without the salt... not hugely recommended! and danced the night away quite literally. good old dj robin played the best songs and i am currently learning the words for the killers mr bright side. fantastic song and one which will forever be of dancing in durham!
anyways like i said now i am at home, i fell asleep this afternoon 'watching' the italian job! and i can't wait to go skiing tomorrow! yay! now im going to watch neighbours for possibly the first time since before christmas, wow that is a novel experience for me! lol.
love you all *mwah*

barbies and snow!!!

not together necessarily that's just what i was going to write about today!

here's a photo from our fantastical barbie and actionman formal:

i think we all looked pretty good! and it was loads of fun. after as well going round all the hill colleges collecting money for annika's kids in ecuador. (NOT peruvian bunkbeds this time! lol) we got something like £53. not a bad day's work. it wasn't actually a day but the phrase doesn't work so well with not bad for a few hours work.

anywho. so that was the formal. and now today it is snowing. lots and lots and lots and lots. oooh i love snow. it's been going all morning and doesn't show any signs of stopping. it's so pretty looking out of my window. though i should image poor flopsy, mopsy and cotton tail and sebastian are hiding somewhere nice and warm. it was very exciting a few days ago when we realised that sebastian has cloned himself... he must have found it too hard to chase the three girls all by himself. as yet however, sebastian the second hasn't been officially named. we're making sure that he really does exist and he's not just either a very solid looking shadow or a figment of our overworked imaginations!

have a fun day everyone i love you all! x x x

*growl*

that's what one of my lecturers says when the projector stops working and it makes me chuckle.
so. i have been very rubbish at keeping this blog recently, my hat comes off to amie who's blog always is so interesting and looks so professional, but i am going to be living with her next term so maybe it'll rub off....
so much stuff is going on here and i don't really want to write it all down anyways so i thought i'd write something totally different and random.

once apon time there were three little rabbits. their names were flopsy, mopsy and cotton tail and they liked to run around the grass, making conversation when the mood arose and playing with the flowers and the little birds that lived nearby. there was also a rabbit who lived near then who had come from a far away land as he was jet black all over. his name was sebastian and he seemed a nice enough rabbit though he did like to chase flopsy, mopsy and cotton tail all over the grass. but he was a handsom rabbit so they didn't usually mind.
and they all lived happily together. aw.

x x x

1..2..3.... 5..6..7....

...step back, step forward, turn round, don't fall over, look up, step back againg, move forwards, twizzle round.. DONT FALL OVER!!!
it's complicated stuff this salsa dancing lark. but frightfully good fun all the same! hee hee how posh was that?! i went last night with tim, heather and mark and it was loads of fun. couldn't quite get the hang of it to begin with and ended up dizzier than a spinning top but i loved it! most of the 'normal' people who go (as in non-durhamites) are really nice too. it was kind of fun and interesting to dance with a whole range of people!

it's been quite an energetic week i've realised, we had our first ever quidditch match yesterday which was very fun (well writing the imaginery report was!) even though we lost quite abismally. but we played well as a team, just need some more practice that's all, and it was unfortunate that ffion got knocked off her broom, lots of factors involved. she's ok though...

isn't fantasy fun?! if you think about it, it seems totally illogical that we can have entire conversatoins about something that doesn't actually exist! we really are amazingly made to be able to just make things up like that, and understand the concepts when it's something that we are totally not. hmmm... didn't make much sense that last bit but i know what i means!

anywho, i shouldnt really be writing here, must go and do something useful like... oooh it's five minutes until tea time yay! la la la la la . i'm feeling very happy. i just want to smile alot. thats a nice feeling to have. bye bye everyone x x x

all new blog yay!

hellooooooo i decided to try changing the background to see if that was the reason behind the random crashings of the blogsite that is the world of katita. we'll see how we get on with this one though i don't like it as much as the dotty one. but then i wouldnt!
i watched evita last night and guess what.... it made me cry! it was very good though. you know some people have told me that i'm either all happy or all sad, i can be on top of the world one minute and down in the 'very depths of dispair' (quite from famous five!) the next. you know i think that's quite tiring actually, i'm like a little mini car constantly going up and down hills, it's very exhausting. ha get the pun?! no it wasn't funny was it?
here are some interesting things i learned this week:

• my boyfriend looks frighteningly more like i woman that i do when he's in drag
• dancing really does solve so many problems
• little children are the most wonderful and delightful things God ever created
• my mum is amazing cos she made me a fruit cake! (thats not the only reason!)
• it is possible to fall up stairs and look very very silly!

hope you're all happy and healthy! lol. love going out from me to you. x x x