seriously, no matter how you are feeling, looking at the sky is always amazing. It doesn't matter what the sky looks like... cloudy, rainy, sunny, blue, grey, night-time, foggy, starry... anything. The sky is always beautiful and somehow by looking up it takes you out of your little world and into something much bigger, much more peaceful and much more beautiful.
My mum used to say this to me to remind me how you can look at everything from two sides (at least!)
Two men looked out through bars
One saw the mud, the other saw the stars.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Rumours of another world...
There is an article in this month's Reader's Digest (oh yeah I'm cool) about Near Death Experiences and whether they can offer us any kind of proof about life after death. Dr Melvin Morse, one of the most prominent researchers in this feild has said that sometimes it seems as though the universe itself is preventing him from finding answers to his questions. He says that labelling this area of study a 'grey area' is the best answer we can give.
I recently had a conversation with a very close friend on a similar topic. She was saying that she's terrified of dying because she says that no-one can ever really know what will happen after we die. She thought that even people with the strongest beliefs could never know 100%. She was positively shocked to discover that my mother, father and myself are all totally sure of what will happen after we die.
You see for me it makes sense. I believe in the God of Christianity as a God of unending and unconditional love. I believe that God loves me, and I believe that there are lots of things that prove this to me. (But that's a different discusion!)
I also believe that my dad loves me. And because I know that he lvoes me, I tend to believe the things he tells me. So if my dad says we're going on holiday to France next year, I would believe him. He's never done anything in my life to make me doubt his word so I have no reason not to believe the things he says.
So you see, this God that I believe in loves me more even than my dad does so I believe in a life after death because that's what it says in the Bible. I believe the Bible to be true because I have never had any reason to doubt what it says. It's all believable and truthful as far as I'm concerned. So when it says in the Bible that there is an eternity of life with God for those who love him and accept Jesus as the saviour of the world... I believe it.
There are loads of references to heaven in the Bible, but here are just a fwe to demonstrate why I believe so confidently where I'm going when I die...
Luke 10v20 'rejoice that your names are written in heaven'
2 Corinthians 5v1 'We know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven built not by human hands.'
Philippians 3v20 'but our citizenship is in heaven.'
For me, this is anything but a grey area.
I recently had a conversation with a very close friend on a similar topic. She was saying that she's terrified of dying because she says that no-one can ever really know what will happen after we die. She thought that even people with the strongest beliefs could never know 100%. She was positively shocked to discover that my mother, father and myself are all totally sure of what will happen after we die.
You see for me it makes sense. I believe in the God of Christianity as a God of unending and unconditional love. I believe that God loves me, and I believe that there are lots of things that prove this to me. (But that's a different discusion!)
I also believe that my dad loves me. And because I know that he lvoes me, I tend to believe the things he tells me. So if my dad says we're going on holiday to France next year, I would believe him. He's never done anything in my life to make me doubt his word so I have no reason not to believe the things he says.
So you see, this God that I believe in loves me more even than my dad does so I believe in a life after death because that's what it says in the Bible. I believe the Bible to be true because I have never had any reason to doubt what it says. It's all believable and truthful as far as I'm concerned. So when it says in the Bible that there is an eternity of life with God for those who love him and accept Jesus as the saviour of the world... I believe it.
There are loads of references to heaven in the Bible, but here are just a fwe to demonstrate why I believe so confidently where I'm going when I die...
Luke 10v20 'rejoice that your names are written in heaven'
2 Corinthians 5v1 'We know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven built not by human hands.'
Philippians 3v20 'but our citizenship is in heaven.'
For me, this is anything but a grey area.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Important Decisions
I'm thinking of buying an ethically made hoodie to replace my Mary's one because I don't like the fact it's made by Fruit of the Loom who I recently discovered to be unethically making their clothing in Mexico. And I was thinking the other day what it is that pushes us to make decisions. Of course the answer is 'many things'. Decisions are made by things that interest us, people who inspire us, events that influence us (these aren't all deliberately beginning with 'i'!) and of course our beliefs, passions and personalities. The thing is though, that all these things are selfish. We chose a film to watch because we like it, we pick out clothes because we like them, we eat food because we like it, we go on holiday to a certain country because we want to go there. In an ordinary day, I wonder just how many decisions, even down to the tiniest little thing, are made totally selflessly. How many times can you say "I did that completely for someone else, there was nothing in it for, and in fact I actually lost out because of it".
Of course philosophers have argues over the centuries whether it is even possible to do something completely selflessly and whether we are actually inherently selfish beings. But this is something that I think about alot. I once read a reccommendation, to do at least one thing every day for someone that they don't know about, it's teaching a lesson in humility because most of the things we do for other people are in reality done with at least a partial aim for acclamation.
Everyone knows that I get all passionate and excited by Fairtrade and ethical trading, I can't help it, it's something that interests, inspires and influences me and of course I struggle to understand why people wouldn't be passionate about it. But of course we're all different people and we all get moved by different things. The thing is, I think we all need lessons in selfless acts, because, seriously, how difficult is it just to work out what your actions do to someone else, even and perhaps especially if you will never meet that person.
I am sorry if this comes across as judgmental or 'fairtrade-bashing', two things I have been acused of doing in the past, and two things I desparetely don't want to be. I just felt that I needed to be straightforward and say what I think. I would never judge anyone else on their decisions, that really isn't my place. But I want people to know what moves me to make my decisions. That, truely and honestly is the only aim of this blog.
Of course philosophers have argues over the centuries whether it is even possible to do something completely selflessly and whether we are actually inherently selfish beings. But this is something that I think about alot. I once read a reccommendation, to do at least one thing every day for someone that they don't know about, it's teaching a lesson in humility because most of the things we do for other people are in reality done with at least a partial aim for acclamation.
Everyone knows that I get all passionate and excited by Fairtrade and ethical trading, I can't help it, it's something that interests, inspires and influences me and of course I struggle to understand why people wouldn't be passionate about it. But of course we're all different people and we all get moved by different things. The thing is, I think we all need lessons in selfless acts, because, seriously, how difficult is it just to work out what your actions do to someone else, even and perhaps especially if you will never meet that person.
I am sorry if this comes across as judgmental or 'fairtrade-bashing', two things I have been acused of doing in the past, and two things I desparetely don't want to be. I just felt that I needed to be straightforward and say what I think. I would never judge anyone else on their decisions, that really isn't my place. But I want people to know what moves me to make my decisions. That, truely and honestly is the only aim of this blog.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
5 reasons...
why hamsters are rubbish...
1) they are incredibly boring, you cannot interact with a hamster and ours never even goes on its wheel.
2) after about one week on not cleaning the cage, they smell really really gross.
3) they wee. everywhere, and for such a small animal they have a surprising amount of wee.
4) you can't even hug a hamster, you'd probably squish it.
5) seeing as they aren't much fun alive you might think they'd be good to eat, but they're so small and scrawny it wouldn't be worth it.
so there, hamsters are officially rubbish. well at least by my dodgy logic!
1) they are incredibly boring, you cannot interact with a hamster and ours never even goes on its wheel.
2) after about one week on not cleaning the cage, they smell really really gross.
3) they wee. everywhere, and for such a small animal they have a surprising amount of wee.
4) you can't even hug a hamster, you'd probably squish it.
5) seeing as they aren't much fun alive you might think they'd be good to eat, but they're so small and scrawny it wouldn't be worth it.
so there, hamsters are officially rubbish. well at least by my dodgy logic!
Thursday, August 31, 2006
the little things...
...that make it all worth while.
I was thinking today how funny it is that usually it's the really tiny insignificant events that happen when I get home from work that get me through work. Let me explain, a few days ago, every third thought throughout the day was about getting my new mp3 speakers that mum was picking up for me in town. Another day I spent the whole day looking forward to the bottle of wine that I knew my dad would be opening at tea time. I bought some really nice new knickers the other day, and I always get excited about wearing them. It's like the Lighthouse Family song "whatever gets you through the day.... that's your way"
But then I've always been like that, getting exctied about little things that no-one else really knows or cares about. For example, every birthday I make sure that I wear my favourite pyjamas, that I have some really nice underwear, that mum gets in my favourite cereal for breakfast and so on and so forth. It may sound like I'm a simpleton, but I prefer to look at it that I'm easily pleased by things that aren't a big deal, and so it's easy to make me happy!
I was thinking today how funny it is that usually it's the really tiny insignificant events that happen when I get home from work that get me through work. Let me explain, a few days ago, every third thought throughout the day was about getting my new mp3 speakers that mum was picking up for me in town. Another day I spent the whole day looking forward to the bottle of wine that I knew my dad would be opening at tea time. I bought some really nice new knickers the other day, and I always get excited about wearing them. It's like the Lighthouse Family song "whatever gets you through the day.... that's your way"
But then I've always been like that, getting exctied about little things that no-one else really knows or cares about. For example, every birthday I make sure that I wear my favourite pyjamas, that I have some really nice underwear, that mum gets in my favourite cereal for breakfast and so on and so forth. It may sound like I'm a simpleton, but I prefer to look at it that I'm easily pleased by things that aren't a big deal, and so it's easy to make me happy!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Escapism
I am an escapist, self confessed. Sometimes I wish I wasn't because so often I struggle to face reality. But usually it means that I can get away from whatever is going on around me by imagining myself somewhere much better. Sometimes, however, no amount of imagination can take me away from where I am. Today was a day like that.
It didn't start off brilliantly when I went to get a parcel from the Post Office... the most un-navigable place in Britain, and the most un-helpful staff in the world. But anyway, then I get to work to discover that I'm actually working till 6.30pm rather than 5.30. And with the most disrespecful, ungrateful, rowdy bunch of kids in the universe. I tried all day to see them through better eyes, and to remember that the God who loves me loves them just as much... but by the afternoon when they were fighting, answering back, swearing and chucking stuff around I just gave up. Even thinking about my holiday which I'm so looking forward to couldn't take me away from them.
Then, to make matters worse, the text I sent home to let them know i was going to be late didn't get through, and apparantly my brother needed the car at 6pm. So I had a fairly nasty phone call from him at 6.10pm.
I'm tired, worn out, fed up... and I have to do it all again tomorrow. I just wish I had the power to imagine it all away.
It didn't start off brilliantly when I went to get a parcel from the Post Office... the most un-navigable place in Britain, and the most un-helpful staff in the world. But anyway, then I get to work to discover that I'm actually working till 6.30pm rather than 5.30. And with the most disrespecful, ungrateful, rowdy bunch of kids in the universe. I tried all day to see them through better eyes, and to remember that the God who loves me loves them just as much... but by the afternoon when they were fighting, answering back, swearing and chucking stuff around I just gave up. Even thinking about my holiday which I'm so looking forward to couldn't take me away from them.
Then, to make matters worse, the text I sent home to let them know i was going to be late didn't get through, and apparantly my brother needed the car at 6pm. So I had a fairly nasty phone call from him at 6.10pm.
I'm tired, worn out, fed up... and I have to do it all again tomorrow. I just wish I had the power to imagine it all away.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Hello hello again...
well, Stage Fright is over and done for another year. How strange it feels to have 'been there, done that' already. Stage Fright is always such a highlight of my year and anyone who has ever been part of a holiday camp will know something of how it feels.
'Emotional rollercoaster' is a phrase I often use to describe SF, it's hard work, frustrating, exhausting, emotional, fun, hilarious, tiring, rediculous, unorganised and so full of God it's just incredible. I am sad to be home again, but then if we didn't have the end, we'd never have a beginning. I know that's the most obvious and pathetic thing to say, but there we have it.
Now I'm home for another two weeks of fun fun fun at work. Maybe I'll think of something remotely more profound before long!
Hope everyone is well.
x x x
'Emotional rollercoaster' is a phrase I often use to describe SF, it's hard work, frustrating, exhausting, emotional, fun, hilarious, tiring, rediculous, unorganised and so full of God it's just incredible. I am sad to be home again, but then if we didn't have the end, we'd never have a beginning. I know that's the most obvious and pathetic thing to say, but there we have it.
Now I'm home for another two weeks of fun fun fun at work. Maybe I'll think of something remotely more profound before long!
Hope everyone is well.
x x x
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Welcome back to me....
... appologies for my major lack of communication recently, have been very busy as I explained, but at least now I have the Internet working again (thanks Tim!) So here I am again, thought not for long, I'm going to Stage Fright tomorrow, somewhere near Lincoln. Woohoo exotic or what?! But actually I am really really excited about seeing everyone again. So that'll be fun, I have a nice big bag of dressing up clothes at the ready, so be waiting for plenty of crazy photos!
Last weekend I went with Tim to Chester to visit a school friend who's there doing an engineering placement thing, and it was really fun, but I had an interesting train journey there, just something I thought worth writing about. I have mentioned I know before about the Great British public (or is it that great British Public..?!) and certainly I experienced something of what my mother terms "the World War II Spirit" on the way. I hate train stations, I don't mind trains as much, but I really hate train stations. People are rude, and unfriendly and far too wrapped up in their own selfish worlds to ever acknowledge anyone else. But then make something go wrong, and suddenly everyone works together! It's bizzare!
In my case the 'something to go wrong' was a cancelled train. My stomach dropped right down to my toes when I heard that dreaded announcement... "the 11.34 train to Llandudnoe has been cancelled" full stop. No appology, no alternative.. it's just cancelled, vanished in to thin air. Great. Anyway, after discovering a few other people in my same predicament we all worked out which train to get instead and it was fine. But the atmosphere changes so dramatically as soon as anything goes wrong. People chat to each other, find out where they're going, talk about the one thing they have in common at that moment in time... the rubbish English train system...
I guess that's the point really isn't it... a random sea of faces at a train station have nothing in common. But a group of people all trying to find a cancelled train do have something in common. They have two things in common, a common need and a common hate! This is what my mum means by World War II Spirit, people open up and work together when they are faced with a need or danger. Of course I'm not comparing the experiences of a World War and a cancelled train! Simply drawing a parallel between the way people react to adversity, no matter how small it may be. And again I'll say it, I am glad to be British. Obviously not all the time... and I'm certainly not proud of alot of things associated with us and our country. But in essence it's not a bad place to live!
Last weekend I went with Tim to Chester to visit a school friend who's there doing an engineering placement thing, and it was really fun, but I had an interesting train journey there, just something I thought worth writing about. I have mentioned I know before about the Great British public (or is it that great British Public..?!) and certainly I experienced something of what my mother terms "the World War II Spirit" on the way. I hate train stations, I don't mind trains as much, but I really hate train stations. People are rude, and unfriendly and far too wrapped up in their own selfish worlds to ever acknowledge anyone else. But then make something go wrong, and suddenly everyone works together! It's bizzare!
In my case the 'something to go wrong' was a cancelled train. My stomach dropped right down to my toes when I heard that dreaded announcement... "the 11.34 train to Llandudnoe has been cancelled" full stop. No appology, no alternative.. it's just cancelled, vanished in to thin air. Great. Anyway, after discovering a few other people in my same predicament we all worked out which train to get instead and it was fine. But the atmosphere changes so dramatically as soon as anything goes wrong. People chat to each other, find out where they're going, talk about the one thing they have in common at that moment in time... the rubbish English train system...
I guess that's the point really isn't it... a random sea of faces at a train station have nothing in common. But a group of people all trying to find a cancelled train do have something in common. They have two things in common, a common need and a common hate! This is what my mum means by World War II Spirit, people open up and work together when they are faced with a need or danger. Of course I'm not comparing the experiences of a World War and a cancelled train! Simply drawing a parallel between the way people react to adversity, no matter how small it may be. And again I'll say it, I am glad to be British. Obviously not all the time... and I'm certainly not proud of alot of things associated with us and our country. But in essence it's not a bad place to live!
Friday, August 04, 2006
i'm still here...
...for anyone who may chance to read my blog, i haven't written for so long for three reasons:
1) i was in chester last weekend
2) couldn't get the internet to work until today when tim fixed it for me
3) have been working like a blue arsed fly.
but i will update before stage fright, that's a promise.
kat
1) i was in chester last weekend
2) couldn't get the internet to work until today when tim fixed it for me
3) have been working like a blue arsed fly.
but i will update before stage fright, that's a promise.
kat
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
It's Tuesday.
Hey everyone. Or anyone. Or no-one. Whatever!
I've been pretty busy lately, worked a full on 9 hour shift today. Woohoo go me. I have such a love-hate relationship with my job. I love the kids at the same time as hating them, well what I mean is I hate their situations in life. It's so so so unfair that some children in this world are not loved as much as other children. It breaks my heart and in a really unethical-1984-Big Brother-type-way I kind of wish people had to go through a screening process before they could have kids. If people aren't going to be good parents then they shouldn't be allowed to even have kids to begin with.
Obviously I know that you could never do that to people, but just sometimes, when I'm looking at the faces of such beautiful children in the knowledge that their parents don't deserve tham I wish with all my heart I could do something about it.
I know that I talk about this alot, and everyone is probably sick of me waffling on, but I can't help it. I care about the kids and so I can't help talking about them alot!
Anyways, work is taking up most of my time at the moment, as Tim said we went to the beach last Sunday with all my side of the family which was fun. Freezing cold in the sea, but I still swam! Eventually! lol. I love the beach!
Well, I'm writing this in the living room and Home and Away is on now so it's ttfn!
x x x
I've been pretty busy lately, worked a full on 9 hour shift today. Woohoo go me. I have such a love-hate relationship with my job. I love the kids at the same time as hating them, well what I mean is I hate their situations in life. It's so so so unfair that some children in this world are not loved as much as other children. It breaks my heart and in a really unethical-1984-Big Brother-type-way I kind of wish people had to go through a screening process before they could have kids. If people aren't going to be good parents then they shouldn't be allowed to even have kids to begin with.
Obviously I know that you could never do that to people, but just sometimes, when I'm looking at the faces of such beautiful children in the knowledge that their parents don't deserve tham I wish with all my heart I could do something about it.
I know that I talk about this alot, and everyone is probably sick of me waffling on, but I can't help it. I care about the kids and so I can't help talking about them alot!
Anyways, work is taking up most of my time at the moment, as Tim said we went to the beach last Sunday with all my side of the family which was fun. Freezing cold in the sea, but I still swam! Eventually! lol. I love the beach!
Well, I'm writing this in the living room and Home and Away is on now so it's ttfn!
x x x
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Say hello to...
Charlene*. Possibly one of the strangest kids on the planet. She's five years old, cackles like a witch, has head lice and actually has white skin. I kid you not that her skin is white. White I tell you! It looks like she's had talc rubbed permanently into her skin! A number of the other children comment about how strange she looks.
But aside from her appearence, Charlene has won my heart. I love her. She's such a little darling and just loves to be around people. She always wants to hold me hand, hug my leg, sit on my knee... (the latter of which is great when I can actually see the lice crawling around her hair.)
The thing is that Charlene is blatently neglected at home. I met her mother for the first time this morning, it's always been her 15 year old sister who brings and collects her. As far as I know, today was the first time ever that her mother has actually shown up in person to the kids club. It seems that no-one really bothers with her at home, she's come with a big thick fleece for the past three days and I've been meling in the heat just looking at her. When all the other reception kids had a bug day, Tony came as a bumble bee, Larry came as the cutest little ladybird in the world... and Charlene had nothing. The poor child is crawling with head-lice and no-one's done anything about it. It truely breaks my heart and I worry about how she's going to turn out. I don't think she gets nearly enough love and attention. I get very protective over her and often yell at the other kids to leave her alone, but you see because she's so small they take advantage of her and delight in scaring her, or taking her toys from her. So I just get really mad with them!
I really love her, and her strange little ways!
*again I've changed her name.
But aside from her appearence, Charlene has won my heart. I love her. She's such a little darling and just loves to be around people. She always wants to hold me hand, hug my leg, sit on my knee... (the latter of which is great when I can actually see the lice crawling around her hair.)
The thing is that Charlene is blatently neglected at home. I met her mother for the first time this morning, it's always been her 15 year old sister who brings and collects her. As far as I know, today was the first time ever that her mother has actually shown up in person to the kids club. It seems that no-one really bothers with her at home, she's come with a big thick fleece for the past three days and I've been meling in the heat just looking at her. When all the other reception kids had a bug day, Tony came as a bumble bee, Larry came as the cutest little ladybird in the world... and Charlene had nothing. The poor child is crawling with head-lice and no-one's done anything about it. It truely breaks my heart and I worry about how she's going to turn out. I don't think she gets nearly enough love and attention. I get very protective over her and often yell at the other kids to leave her alone, but you see because she's so small they take advantage of her and delight in scaring her, or taking her toys from her. So I just get really mad with them!
I really love her, and her strange little ways!
*again I've changed her name.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Meet Tony...
Tony Forest*. One of the strangest kids in the world. On the surfae he's an adorable looking 5 year old with loads of energy and character. But underneath that sweet little face is a monster! He can be so ferocious and has absolutely no concept of gentleness. Swinging off my arms and leaping on my legs, I've almost lost a limb or two to his exuberence. He has the most selective of hearing, often causing me to kneel down and practically yell in his ear before he hears what I'm asking him!
I don't know if he has any siblings but I reckon he must be an only child because he is useless at sharing and doesn't understand how to play fairly. For example, playing table football, whenever he scores a goal that's fine, every time I score one it doesn't count. He's allowed to push the ball with his hand, but I'm not. Playing pop-up pirates, he's allowed to have twice as many pieces as me and that's fair, but when I reverse it, it's not fair! Sometimes it is fun to tease him! Hee hee.
He really does live in his own little world, last week after Sports Day he left his school uniform at school and when his mother questioned what he was going to wear the next day he answered cheerfully, pulling a spare pair of pants from his back "well at least I've still got my pants!"
Little darling.
Oh and as requested, here's a picture...
*name changed.
I don't know if he has any siblings but I reckon he must be an only child because he is useless at sharing and doesn't understand how to play fairly. For example, playing table football, whenever he scores a goal that's fine, every time I score one it doesn't count. He's allowed to push the ball with his hand, but I'm not. Playing pop-up pirates, he's allowed to have twice as many pieces as me and that's fair, but when I reverse it, it's not fair! Sometimes it is fun to tease him! Hee hee.
He really does live in his own little world, last week after Sports Day he left his school uniform at school and when his mother questioned what he was going to wear the next day he answered cheerfully, pulling a spare pair of pants from his back "well at least I've still got my pants!"
Little darling.
Oh and as requested, here's a picture...
*name changed.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Introducing...
...Larry*
Larry is one of the sweetest boys in the whole world. He's 5 and in Reception and is just the kind of child you wish was yours. He's perfectly happy to play on his own, or with other children he doesn't mind. He can make up games with nothing but a piece of string and has the most beautiful little face you've ever seen. He giggles all the time, and when his mum comes to pick him up he always goes over to her and throws his arms round her and starts telling her all about his day. He has a beautiful little stilted voice and really is just the nicest and easiest little boy to have in the Kids Club.
I'm starting with the nice ones!
Enjoy your day!
*name changed for safety reasons!
Larry is one of the sweetest boys in the whole world. He's 5 and in Reception and is just the kind of child you wish was yours. He's perfectly happy to play on his own, or with other children he doesn't mind. He can make up games with nothing but a piece of string and has the most beautiful little face you've ever seen. He giggles all the time, and when his mum comes to pick him up he always goes over to her and throws his arms round her and starts telling her all about his day. He has a beautiful little stilted voice and really is just the nicest and easiest little boy to have in the Kids Club.
I'm starting with the nice ones!
Enjoy your day!
*name changed for safety reasons!
Friday, July 14, 2006
60th post...
...coming to you direct from my bedroom! Yay, that's right, I finally have the wonders of wireless internet installed on my laptop. It's brilliant isn't it!! I know for all you who have laptops with it inbuilt this probably isn't a big deal but it is for me! Yay! And to make it even better, I can now play DVDs on my laptop, so have just finished crying at Cold Mountain. I'd only seen it once before and though I thought it was good the first time, it is much better the second time.
Anyways as easy as it would be for me to rabbit on about wireless and DVDs for ages, that wasn't the original topic of this post. I've been wanting to write about the kids' club where I work for a while now because it's becoming such a big part of me. Not least in the fact I'm working there every hour of every day that they're open! But also because as I'm getting to know the kids I'm becoming more attached to them, either because they're so endearing or likable, or because they are absolute nightmares and they drive me up the walls! But we love them all equally! At least we're supposed to, not so easy in practice!
I think I may have mentioned before how even thought I enjoy it, it's a very difficult environment to be in because of the very nature of an out of school club that children go to because their parents are working such long hours they have to be cared for either end of school hours. There are some children who are with us from 8am-6.15pm which is such a long time to be away from home. But you see there's a strange irony here that I truely believe that some of the children are better with us than at home. And that upsets me so much because I'm comparing their experiences to my own of a wonderful family based upbringing.
There are some children who are so horrible and ho badly behaved and they can be so rude to me which I can't stand. I hate rudeness from kids no matter what the situation. Call me old-fashioned but there is absolutely no need for rudeness, from anyone of any age. But then I see them with their parents and begin to get a glimpse of why they are so aweful. Some blatently have no relationship with their parents, many are from very broken and complicated families. Some have parents who can't cope with them, who don't discipline them, who spoil them... the list goes on. And so while I enjoy my job because I try so hard to make it good for all the kids but especially those who I know have tough lives, I could come away crying every day due to the state some of them are in and there's nothing I can do to help it.
It terrifies me that one day I'll have the responsability of raising kids and while everyone might tell me I'd be a good mum, what if I'm not?! Life is just so hard on so many kids and it's not their fault, and it's not fair and there's nothing that I can do about it. It breaks my heart.
I think I'll introduce you to some of the kids over the next few days/weeks and let you into my world a little bit!
Anyways as easy as it would be for me to rabbit on about wireless and DVDs for ages, that wasn't the original topic of this post. I've been wanting to write about the kids' club where I work for a while now because it's becoming such a big part of me. Not least in the fact I'm working there every hour of every day that they're open! But also because as I'm getting to know the kids I'm becoming more attached to them, either because they're so endearing or likable, or because they are absolute nightmares and they drive me up the walls! But we love them all equally! At least we're supposed to, not so easy in practice!
I think I may have mentioned before how even thought I enjoy it, it's a very difficult environment to be in because of the very nature of an out of school club that children go to because their parents are working such long hours they have to be cared for either end of school hours. There are some children who are with us from 8am-6.15pm which is such a long time to be away from home. But you see there's a strange irony here that I truely believe that some of the children are better with us than at home. And that upsets me so much because I'm comparing their experiences to my own of a wonderful family based upbringing.
There are some children who are so horrible and ho badly behaved and they can be so rude to me which I can't stand. I hate rudeness from kids no matter what the situation. Call me old-fashioned but there is absolutely no need for rudeness, from anyone of any age. But then I see them with their parents and begin to get a glimpse of why they are so aweful. Some blatently have no relationship with their parents, many are from very broken and complicated families. Some have parents who can't cope with them, who don't discipline them, who spoil them... the list goes on. And so while I enjoy my job because I try so hard to make it good for all the kids but especially those who I know have tough lives, I could come away crying every day due to the state some of them are in and there's nothing I can do to help it.
It terrifies me that one day I'll have the responsability of raising kids and while everyone might tell me I'd be a good mum, what if I'm not?! Life is just so hard on so many kids and it's not their fault, and it's not fair and there's nothing that I can do about it. It breaks my heart.
I think I'll introduce you to some of the kids over the next few days/weeks and let you into my world a little bit!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
black over bill's mother...
My mother always says this when there are black clouds in the distance. All my life I've wondered who Bill is/was and why it's black over his mother's house. I guess I'll never know the answer. But today even though it is sunny there are black clouds looming and I'm pretty sure they'll move from Bill's mother's over to here later on.
Isn't it annoying how the weather does that to you. You think it's all going to be nice and sunny; the newspaper tells you it will be, the nice man on the news at 10 the night before told you it would be fine, and when you wake up it looks like it's going to be sunny... everything is going well. And then you look up and there it is. A huge big black cloud not actually doing anything, but threatening to ruin everything you've ever planned. It's just hanging there and mocking you and there's nothing you can do about it except wait for the inevitable. The torrential rain that you dread, but know will arrive sooner or later.
I hate black clouds. They destroy everything for two reasons. They make your view look ugly. Everything was nice and sunny before and then now there's this big blotch out of the window. And the second reason is that black clouds always threaten to rain, but they don't always. So you're left in a kind of limbo between wanting to carry on as normal but then hanging back incase everything goes wrong. But then it might not actually rain, but then it might. But it might not... and so on and so forth.
I hate black clouds.
Isn't it annoying how the weather does that to you. You think it's all going to be nice and sunny; the newspaper tells you it will be, the nice man on the news at 10 the night before told you it would be fine, and when you wake up it looks like it's going to be sunny... everything is going well. And then you look up and there it is. A huge big black cloud not actually doing anything, but threatening to ruin everything you've ever planned. It's just hanging there and mocking you and there's nothing you can do about it except wait for the inevitable. The torrential rain that you dread, but know will arrive sooner or later.
I hate black clouds. They destroy everything for two reasons. They make your view look ugly. Everything was nice and sunny before and then now there's this big blotch out of the window. And the second reason is that black clouds always threaten to rain, but they don't always. So you're left in a kind of limbo between wanting to carry on as normal but then hanging back incase everything goes wrong. But then it might not actually rain, but then it might. But it might not... and so on and so forth.
I hate black clouds.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
We Brits...
I was reminded again yesterday of the phenomenon that is 'The British Public'. We are wierd aren't we? I mean how many other nations would have an open air concert continue regardless of the pouring rain? It's rediculous really, and it made me laugh so much when I saw people (including myself!) sat under umbrellas, tarpaulins and jackets listening to a brass band concert. Can you get any more British than that?! I don't think so. No wonder the French all think we're raving mad! It's because we are!!! And as my mum so rightly said, there even seems to be a feeling of proud endurance at having 'stuck it out'.
The concert was brilliant, and it's just another one of those British events that we'll talk about for years to come. "Granny, tell us again of the concert that got practically flooded but where the band carried on regardless..." Or then again, maybe it won't ever be referred to again because it'll be lost in the 'sea' (ba-dum-ching) of other rained off events. But all the same, you have to love the Brits and their ways. We even sang Jerusalem, the National Anthem and Land of Hope and Glory.
I love being British! (Just don't mention any of this to Oli!)
The concert was brilliant, and it's just another one of those British events that we'll talk about for years to come. "Granny, tell us again of the concert that got practically flooded but where the band carried on regardless..." Or then again, maybe it won't ever be referred to again because it'll be lost in the 'sea' (ba-dum-ching) of other rained off events. But all the same, you have to love the Brits and their ways. We even sang Jerusalem, the National Anthem and Land of Hope and Glory.
I love being British! (Just don't mention any of this to Oli!)
Friday, July 07, 2006
the sky is blue
...well it is. and plus my dad told me to write that. and then called me a 'daft head' for writing it. i don't know, parents!
anyways, went out for a lovely meal with my brothers today. mum treated us all to a nice lunch together and said we could go anywhere we wanted. so off we went into town to find something nice. trouble was we had three very different ideas of 'nice'. i wanted a nice posh sandwich deli france style, whereas richard was after an all you can eat chinese. problem.
anyways after much deliberation and near arguments we settled on a bakery, bought a load of nice stuff and some sticky buns and went and sat on the grass. whatever else harrogate may be it is nice for just 'sitting' in! and we had a lovely time, finishing up with a cup of tea for edd, a muffin for rich and a frappuccino for me! yay for brothers!
chao x x x
anyways, went out for a lovely meal with my brothers today. mum treated us all to a nice lunch together and said we could go anywhere we wanted. so off we went into town to find something nice. trouble was we had three very different ideas of 'nice'. i wanted a nice posh sandwich deli france style, whereas richard was after an all you can eat chinese. problem.
anyways after much deliberation and near arguments we settled on a bakery, bought a load of nice stuff and some sticky buns and went and sat on the grass. whatever else harrogate may be it is nice for just 'sitting' in! and we had a lovely time, finishing up with a cup of tea for edd, a muffin for rich and a frappuccino for me! yay for brothers!
chao x x x
Thursday, July 06, 2006
mental take over
yesterday was quite a dramatic day at work. actually no, i take that back, it was a very dramatic day. while the boys were playing football outside, i noticed that someone was lying on the ground at the far end of the pitch. as i started walking towards him, another child came running up the field very quickly, i shouted to him what was wrong and he said "he's shaking". so i asked who it was as i started running towards him. the answer came back, oliver.
when i arrived, i saw that mac had been right, oliver was lying at an unusual angle on the floor and his whole body was twitching. his eyes had rolled to one side and he didn't respond to anything i said. this is what i mean by mental take over because i am a panicker, and i would have thought that something like that would totally freak me out. yet something inside me totally took over and i immediately knew what to do. i called for claire (the boss) to come over and asked the other children to move away.
the ambulance arrived and took oliver away. he looked so small lying on the ground with an oxygen mask on. we took everyone else inside and kept calm trying to stop them from re-enacting the whole thing and to keep them away from the windows. one little girl was very confused and thought that the police were here to take someone away.
when i think over what happened it all seems so surreal. i don't think and any point i was actually thinking about what i was doing. i just did. it amazes me how the human mind is able to take over and be rational in times of complete emergency. there's no time to think, you just have to do. i don't understand why or how it works, but i thank God with all my heart that we have this instinct within us.
and hopefully oliver will be alright.
when i arrived, i saw that mac had been right, oliver was lying at an unusual angle on the floor and his whole body was twitching. his eyes had rolled to one side and he didn't respond to anything i said. this is what i mean by mental take over because i am a panicker, and i would have thought that something like that would totally freak me out. yet something inside me totally took over and i immediately knew what to do. i called for claire (the boss) to come over and asked the other children to move away.
the ambulance arrived and took oliver away. he looked so small lying on the ground with an oxygen mask on. we took everyone else inside and kept calm trying to stop them from re-enacting the whole thing and to keep them away from the windows. one little girl was very confused and thought that the police were here to take someone away.
when i think over what happened it all seems so surreal. i don't think and any point i was actually thinking about what i was doing. i just did. it amazes me how the human mind is able to take over and be rational in times of complete emergency. there's no time to think, you just have to do. i don't understand why or how it works, but i thank God with all my heart that we have this instinct within us.
and hopefully oliver will be alright.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
day all ruined.
This post is a lament to my destroyed day, due to the unavoidable act of my brother eating the last bowl of my favourite cereal. I am not over-exaggerateing, I feel forlorn and miserable, because as I was waking up I could think of nothing else but a lovely bowl of the Crunchy Bran that I knew was waiting for me downstairs. But alas, it was not to be.
I arrived downstairs, greeted both my mother and my brother and I opened the cupboard to extract the box of Crunchy Bran. On seeing that it was not there, I quickly looked up, it must already be out on the counter. But no. On the table. Again no. With a wimper I exclain, "where are the Crunchy Bran...?" My brother emits a guilty sigh. I knew it. He'd eaten the lot and I'd only had one bowl.
So now my breakfast and my day are ruined. I don't want any of the other cereals, they are all sawdust in comparison with the delights of Crunchy Bran. And so I will be hungry all day because I can't cope without breakfast. Call me petty, immature, a drama queen, what you will, today I do not care. I am cross.
I arrived downstairs, greeted both my mother and my brother and I opened the cupboard to extract the box of Crunchy Bran. On seeing that it was not there, I quickly looked up, it must already be out on the counter. But no. On the table. Again no. With a wimper I exclain, "where are the Crunchy Bran...?" My brother emits a guilty sigh. I knew it. He'd eaten the lot and I'd only had one bowl.
So now my breakfast and my day are ruined. I don't want any of the other cereals, they are all sawdust in comparison with the delights of Crunchy Bran. And so I will be hungry all day because I can't cope without breakfast. Call me petty, immature, a drama queen, what you will, today I do not care. I am cross.
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