60th post...

...coming to you direct from my bedroom! Yay, that's right, I finally have the wonders of wireless internet installed on my laptop. It's brilliant isn't it!! I know for all you who have laptops with it inbuilt this probably isn't a big deal but it is for me! Yay! And to make it even better, I can now play DVDs on my laptop, so have just finished crying at Cold Mountain. I'd only seen it once before and though I thought it was good the first time, it is much better the second time.

Anyways as easy as it would be for me to rabbit on about wireless and DVDs for ages, that wasn't the original topic of this post. I've been wanting to write about the kids' club where I work for a while now because it's becoming such a big part of me. Not least in the fact I'm working there every hour of every day that they're open! But also because as I'm getting to know the kids I'm becoming more attached to them, either because they're so endearing or likable, or because they are absolute nightmares and they drive me up the walls! But we love them all equally! At least we're supposed to, not so easy in practice!

I think I may have mentioned before how even thought I enjoy it, it's a very difficult environment to be in because of the very nature of an out of school club that children go to because their parents are working such long hours they have to be cared for either end of school hours. There are some children who are with us from 8am-6.15pm which is such a long time to be away from home. But you see there's a strange irony here that I truely believe that some of the children are better with us than at home. And that upsets me so much because I'm comparing their experiences to my own of a wonderful family based upbringing.

There are some children who are so horrible and ho badly behaved and they can be so rude to me which I can't stand. I hate rudeness from kids no matter what the situation. Call me old-fashioned but there is absolutely no need for rudeness, from anyone of any age. But then I see them with their parents and begin to get a glimpse of why they are so aweful. Some blatently have no relationship with their parents, many are from very broken and complicated families. Some have parents who can't cope with them, who don't discipline them, who spoil them... the list goes on. And so while I enjoy my job because I try so hard to make it good for all the kids but especially those who I know have tough lives, I could come away crying every day due to the state some of them are in and there's nothing I can do to help it.

It terrifies me that one day I'll have the responsability of raising kids and while everyone might tell me I'd be a good mum, what if I'm not?! Life is just so hard on so many kids and it's not their fault, and it's not fair and there's nothing that I can do about it. It breaks my heart.
I think I'll introduce you to some of the kids over the next few days/weeks and let you into my world a little bit!