My To Do List

Ok, so following on from Helen's blog about things to do before leaving Durham I thought I'd revive my 'things to do before I'm 30' list. I was thinking about all the things on the way home today and decided to write them down before I forget them. Feel free to reply with your own thoughts/additions/lists...

1. steal a Bishop's hat and stand behind him making it talk like a duck.
2. go skinny dipping (again but this time in a river/lake).
3. go to a proper fancy masquerade ball.
4. stay in bed aaaaaall day with my 'husband' (ahem ahem).
5. learn how to use chopsticks properly (i swear my fingers are all in the wrong places).
6. do a sky-dive.
7. acquire more piercings and tattoos.
8. learn how to cook like a gourmet chef.
9. go to a proper 'old school' rock concert.
10. ride a motorbike across the desert.

Ta da!
I'm sure I could think of more things that I want to do but that's it for now!
love to the masses.
x x x

This Week.

I havent' written anything for ages for a few reasons... I haven't had anything to say being the main one, but I am aware that that hasn't stopped me before! I haven't had much time this week to do anything, we've been really busy (revision AND partying I promise!) and also because I don't think anyone misses it when I don't write and I mostly do it for myself anyways. I like writing things down, they always make so much momre sense when they are written. So I write a private journal, a blog, and many many lists of the things that I have to do! I have two main lists going... one in a notebook where I write 'useful' stuff, deadlines, shopping lists, house details etc. And the other list goes on my arm. People are always surprised when they see that I write 'to do' lists on my arm... at this very moment is written: 'NE1 MARY's LIBRARY 12.45 A10 M Thompson, Thurs 10th'. It all makes sense to me and I wonder why people are so surprised because to me, my arm is the perfect place to write things that I need to do because I don't lose my arm and I do lose paper, and also because I can't help looking at my arm, and when I write lists on paper sometimes I forget to look at them! So there you go, that was a useful insight into my mind. I got a bad rash in 6th form from writing on my arm every day! So now I do take it easy!

I'm not talking about exams. I've spent something like 7.5 hours in the library this weekend and I actually feel like it has taken a little piece of my soul that I will never get back. It's so quiet in there, all you can here is a clock ticking... and occasional shuffle... a muffled cough... the crackle of papers.... a quiet thud of a book on a table... the clock ticking... it gets louder and louder and louder and soon seems to be coming from inside your own head. It's terrifying and I hate it but I have to go there because I don't get any work done at home, there is so much to distract me! And I don't have the longest concentration span!

Speaking of terrifying things. Is anyone else petrifyed of Mrs Rochester. (oooh that was spooky, the sun was shining bright into my room and then when I typed her name it all went dark and overcast) I think that Mrs Rochester is one of the most frightening fictional characters ever ever ever created. We watched Jane Eyre last night and scared ourselves daft. I had to go to sleep with the light on again. I think it's because she is a real person, and her madness causes her to do terrible things, like set her husband's bed on fire. It's the fact that it could actually happen. Monsters and made-up baddies aren't as scary if you can convince yourself that they are not in anyway real. But madness seems like it could be real. And the way they film it doesn't help, that you don't see her until the final episode and a couple of times the camera is behind her head as she is looking out of a window and all you can see is a little bit of her hair and hear her breathing... it's terrifying!!!! The thought of being watched like that, by a madwoman makes my skin crawl!!!

Anyways, enouogh of this ramble! I really really really need to get up because I have about 35mins to shower, dress, eat, read over something and leave the house. Good luck Kat.
Bye bye.

I HAVE PURPLE HAIR!

ha ha. tell me what you think!

More boringness.

I should be getting to sleep now, I'm still tired from Friday night when I only got about 4 hours of sleep. (Bloody wine). But yeah, I don't want to sleep, so I'm playing on the internet. You know the usual, myspace, facebook, email, youtube, ebay, random google searches... I have a fun life.

Back in Durham now though. I have to say I'm not massively excited about this term, but them who is? We have exams and I don't understand most of my course. Woo yeah revision is going to be a barrel of laughs. But then we get time after exams to chill out and I can't complain, this is why I came to university! And it really is good to be back again in that I was getting fed up at home and work was getting tedious. Though I had fun on Friday singing Disney songs and getting the kids to guess which film it was from. They were surprised I knew as many as I did. Hee hee.

It's also nice to be back in Greencroft again. Fun and games already... we have no food. And when I say no food I mean no food. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Last night we had sausage sandwiches for tea, I had a piece of toast for breakfast and Ffion managed to concoct something with mince, baked beans and red wine for lunch. Tea was ryvita and philadelphia and now if you open the fridge this is all you will see: margarine, fresh coffee, a little bit of milk and philadelphia. Welcome to the life of a student. At home our fridge is always so full stuff drops out when you open it! But tis ok, tomorrow we have the lovely tesco man coming with lots of yummy food so it will all be fine! I'm just hoping there's not going to be any delays! I might have breakfast at Tim's tomorrow!

There's lots to look forward to this week. Studio on Tuesday. Yeah for the cheese and the drunken students. Hhhmm. But then cocktail party for Nicola and Ffi on Wednesday which will be amazing, and I get to wear my lovely cocktail dress again. Yay. A meal for Ffi on Thursday and Tim and I are going to see some people from church on Friday. Forget exams, this is what life's all about. Yeah right!

Aaaannnnyyyyyway. This really is boring. I am aware of the fact that I have nothing to write about, but it's kids of theraputic for me! I hope anyone/everyone is ok.Smile.

xxx

This Week.

Hello. Long time no post. But as you will very soon find out, I really do have nothing to write about. Not even any deep and meaningful thoughts to bore you with. So why am I writing now you may well ask! Well, I'm bored so if I am then I thought I'd damn well make sure that anyone who reads this is too. Ha ha.

This last week has been so unbelievable uneventful I was considering doing something really shocking just to make sure I really am awake. I've been working all week and apart from the usual rude kids, a few lovely ones, some scotch pancakes, too much ironing of those stupid plastic bead things, and a kid throwing up infront of me... I've really done nothing at all.

Oh actually, that's a lie. On Tuesday Tim and I met up with some school friends we haven't seen for ages. Two of them being our friends Matt and Lydia who are getting married in 3 months. That seems crazy to me. I am so so happy for them, they are lovely and will be so happy together. The invited us to go stay with them in London next year which will be fun. We went to a really lovely little 'tavern' called the Old Bell that does loads of different local beers (ha ha I just typed bears by mistake and it make me laugh) and my favourite Adderstones or Alderstone or something-stones cloudy cider. Yummy yummy.

O have just managed to force my porridge brain to concentrate for 2 hours on Adelaida García Morales' novel El Sur and all the theoretical rubbish that goes with it. We have to look into a feminist reading of it and it irritates me so much. The 'Electra Complex' and how she desires to marry her father and wants to kill her mother, apparantly she is trapped in a something-or-other society that has dictated that she be some type of person when she should be another.... yeah you can tell I reall took it all in can't you. I don't care it's stupid. The political reading is much more interested and more believable. I hate feminists. I'm all for equal rights and fair treatment and all that jazz, but seriously it goes too far. Man can't do or say anything without the feminists jumping on it and claiming they're being repressed.

Anyway, sorry about the rant! I'm now listening to the Evanescence album The Open Door that I bought the other day and am completely obsessed with! My favourites are Lithium and Good Enough. I love songs that say the way that I am feeling/thinking. It's back to the Big Cheese that is Durham on Saturday for a fun filled exam term. Yay for me. Ooh but mum bought me some of the HP brown sauce that is 'honey woodsmoke' or something fancy. I am so addicted to it, in fact I think I might open it now and have it on my salad sarnie for lunch. Oooh thinking about it has made me all excited. Small things.

Well, congratulations if you got to the end of this. If my blog comments are anything to go by I know full well that only about 2 people will make it this far. If you're in Durham I'll see you soon. If you're not then I won't. Genuis Kat.

Bye.

An update for anyone interested. No-one then!

So. This week so far has been 'rivetting'. I hope you all get sarcasm when it's written.
Oh, actually, Monday was a pretty good day. Tim and I went for a walk between Riply and Hampsthwaite (I have just realised I have no idea how to spell that) which was lovely, but we got abit scared of the nosey cows in a field. I know they're not violent or anything, but they are pretty big! There were lots of tiny tiny lambs too which were so sweet and still all wobbly when they ran. And Tim got very excited by the grouse type bird thing. He is strange.
Then in the evening the whole family trooped round for a meal and some fun and games. Literally. We are so unbelievably noisy together, I was laughing with my aunt that if anyone tried to transcribe conversations that we have together it would look such a mess because we all talk at once! Well, anyway, we played a game called 'Spot the Intro' which turned out to be hilarious. It's a 'guess the song' game with different rounds... 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, film and tv, nursery rhymes, different instruments etc. We won the first game yeah! I actually did really well on the 80s round! lol. But got very annoyed that I couldn't remember Cindy Lauper's name. Very irritating when I almost had it!

So Monday was fun. Tuesday... not so fun. I was down to work 7.30am-6pm. That is a long time with only 2 ten minute breaks! We were really quite so I actually finished at 5 which wasa great. And apart from being long and tiring, it certainly wasn't a horrible day. I scored 5 goals in my first ever football match. I'm not joking, I don't think I've ever played football before. Admittedly it was against a bunch of 8 year olds, but it made me feel good! And we watched Madagascar which is actually really funny! I'd never seen it before and the kids were laughing at me getting all involved with the story! When I got home last night I was knackered so after tea I got into bed and watched 3 hours of Scrubs. Perhaps not the best use of time but I couldn't face doing anything productive!

And now I've just managed to force myself to do an hour of work. It took alot I'm telling you, I wish I could just conjour up motivation from thin air but I can't and it makes me feel bad like I'm taking this all for granted. I know how fortunate I am to be able to go to uni, and to be in a good one like Durham. I know I should be making the most of this, there are so many people who would give anything to be in my position. I do care about it, I do want to do well, but sometimes it's hard to get perspective and I just want to live in the here and now without thinking about the future. I don't know what I'm going to end up doing anyway and so sometimes it feels like I'm working my ass off for no reason. Or not working my ass of as the case me be at the moment.

My brother got the Scrubs soundtrack so I'm listening to that now, it's really good! I'll put it on my mp3 player soon so I can listen to it on my way to work this afternoon. I hope it's all nice kids in this afternoon, I am so not in the mood to deal with the horrid ones. Though maybe it would be good to have a good yell at something! And it's Tim's birthday tomorrow, I should get him a present...... ha ha. I'm not that rubbish!

Bye.

On the subject of chocolate...

... I have just discovered on the Stop the Traffik website, a guide to which brands of chocolate are 'traffik free', in other words can guarantee that no trafficked labour has been used in its production even if it might not say on the wrapper. Have a look, I was surprised...

http://www.stopthetraffik.org/chocolateDownloads/chocolate_guide.pdf

Also, do look at the Stop the Traffik website, there is lots and lots of information. www.stopthetraffik.org.

Cheers.

It matters.

Have you ever heard someone talk about something that makes them really really excited? I know I tease him, but when Tim talks about his course, especially when it's something that he hadn't understood and then it all clicks, I love to hear the excitement in his voice and the way his eyes light up. In reality I don't think it matters too much if people understand him, or are interested too, what matters to him is that he can convey something that makes him passionate. I can think of lots of other examples too, this is just a small one and of course I know that Tim gets passionate about lots of other bigger issues than a mathematical concept but that was an example that I thought of.

People who know me well will know that I can get very excited and passionate about social issues such as Fairtrade, Stop the Traffik, the environment, ethical clothing. Maybe it bores you to hear me talk about it over and over, maybe it makes you feel guilty that you don't care enough, maybe it excites you too to do something about the horrendous state of living that the majority of the world have to deal with. Whatever you think about the whole thing, please please read this post because this matters. Not just to me, not just to a few others, but this matters to the whole world. This matters to real people. This is a matter of life or death. Probably death.

A few weeks ago in church I was asked to read a prayer. The prayer was the story of a young 15 year old girl from Bangladesh called Sabina. She was abducted and taken away from her family by traffickers who smuggled her into India and sold her as a prostitute. Every day men took advantage of her, they used to tie her with ropes and beat her. Eventually she managed to escape and is now back in her village in Bangladesh, but is shunned by her people because of the stigma attached to prostitution. I stood at the front of the church holding a big metal chain as a symbol of the slavery in the world today and I do not exaggerate when I say that I could not get through that passage without crying. I had to pause so many times and it took so much effort to say the words. Saying the words made them real and it breaks my heart to know that our beautiful world is one of fear and loathing to so many people.

There are so many stories like this one. And so many ways of finding out about children like Sabina. Try these websites for more information... www.stopthetraffik.org, www.tearfund.org
This should not be happening. I know you've heard it before, but 200 years ago William Wilberforce started a movement that led to the abolishment of slavery and it was a huge achievement and move forward for humanity. What a terrible thing it is then, that so many hundreds of thousands more people today are still slaves. Children are trafficked into prostitution, illegally forced labour, the drugs market, forced to become soldiers. I found out recently that over 50% of the chocolate produced in the world comes from forced labour. Slavery. You are eating chocolate Easter eggs that are made in slavery. Think how many people refuse to buy eggs from battery hens because it's cruel. Well, how much worse then is chocolate made by 'battery children'? I saw a poignant poster last week that read "All children love Easter eggs. Except the ones who are forced to make them."

There is so much that we can do to stop this. And knowledge is the beginning. Ignorance is no excuse and it certainly is not bliss. We, as the rich 'north' have all the means and resources at our fingertips and I know I could never forgive myself if I didn't care enough to find out. And act. Stop the Traffik sends petitions to the government. Sign one, it's on the website you don't even have to pay for a stamp. Fairtrade makes chocolate. So it's more expensive... what matters to you? Children's lives or stretching your bank balance as far as it will go? I saw on the news the other day that Topshop has started a fairly traded clothing line called Global Mamas and it is more expensive but initiatives like this will only follow through with consumer support and power. You know what I'm trying to say. Find out which companies are known to be unethical and don't buy from them. We have so much power with our money and there is no excuse for not using it wisely. All you have to do is a simple google search and so much information is right there in front of you.

In 2000 world leaders promised to half world poverty by 2015. This year is the half way point and May 20th is Blow the Whistle Sunday. If you're a Christian then God has given us a challenge which is written in the Bible: 'act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God'. Do you yearn for justice? Do you want mercy and freedom for the world? Are you humble enough to change the way you live to do something about it? Does any of what I've said, and what other people say on this matter touch something inside you? This is not just about Christians being 'nice people'. This is about fighting for our world. Fighting for all those millions of people we will never meet but by our actions we can either keep in slavery, or release to the life of freedom that they deserve.

I know that I 'bang on' about things like this. You know why? Because they matter. People matter to me and I constantly wish there was something more that I could do. But one thing I know for sure, slavery was abolished once, the government approved it. It can be done again. Help me and thousands of other people around the world to do it again. The only reason Wilberforce succeeded last time was because people fought with him.

scrubs scrubs scrubs scrubs

scrubs. i love it. so i just thought i'd write a post dedicated to scrubs. it gets me through the day i'm telling you. makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me forget work! i love it. so thank you whichever genius came up with it. i love you.

Brassed Off.

I went last night with my parents to a fundraising concert for the Royal Hall in Harrogate. It's the only something-or-other left in Britain and the roof fell in a few years ago so they're restoring it now and have run out of money. The concert was a collection of brass bands, concert bands and a choir from the Harrogate area and my brother, Edd, was playing in two of them. The first one he was just helping out but they played a piece that I know so so so well. It's called Trailblaze by Goff Richards and was the 'title piece' of my school concert band. We played it for the Queen when she came to Harrogate, and also on the stage at the Royal Albert Hall when we won the band section of the Schools Prom. Edd's actual band, Tewit Brass Band were brilliant. Edd played the solo in the Post Horn Gallop, on a post horn! It was fantastic.

However, I always find it hard to go and listen to bands like that. My school concert band wasn't even there but that whole lifestyle was such a big part of my life when I was younger that I really do miss it now. I don't know if I can explain properly, but anyone who's ever been a strong and dedicated member of any kind of ensemble will know what I'm talking about. It's the most amazing feeling to sit on a stage with up to 100 other people, blow down this tube of metal and make an incredible noise. Together. There it is, that's the point. It's together. I remember at the International Festival one year I was sat next to a couple of Armenians who didn't speak a word of English and it was all abit awkward, until we started playing and then it didn't make the slightest different what language we spoke because we could all play music. Together.

Have you ever seen the film Brassed Off? It's one of my favourite films, partly because it makes me cry. Alot. But also that way of life is something I can connect with a little bit. Remember the guy who's wife moves out and he has to sell everything he owns because of the debt he's in? But he doesn't sell his trombone. That's all he has to escape from the hell he lives in. Playing in a band, performing in a concert, it's such a step away from normal life. What I mean is that you come together, all wearing the same uniform, sit down and play. Together. It's something amazing that I can't properly explain but I miss it now it's gone.

being little.

I was going to write something deep and profoundly complicated about different faces of reality and different perceptions of what is 'real' and what is not. But then I went to Tim's podcast site and heard a little 8 year old Timothy Marjoribanks reading out some poems that he wrote. You really must listen to it, it's so sweet! www.pigeonboy.podbean.com (can't remember how to make it a proper link but you're all very clever and can cut and paste it into the browser I'm sure.) It is really strange to hear this little voice (with a decidedly London accent!) and think that it belongs to the same person that is Tim today. Does that make sense? One of the comments on the site is that you don't often think of your friends as little children, which is so true! Yesterday, when I was going my usual 'chuck-out' of everything in my room that I don't need because I live in Durham without it, I found all my photos going back to primary school. To me it's the strangest concept that this image I'm holding in my hand is 'me'. It's Katherine Joy Yarborough however many years ago. Does anyone else find that strange? Maybe it's just me, but it's very odd how everything changes and yet it's still the same. Tim's voice is much deeper now, and he's got much more of a northern accent. But he's the same person. I'm much taller, have a better dress sense (at least I think I do!) and my hair is totally different (obviously!). But I'm the same person.

I know that the whole point of life is that it changes. The Circle of Life. Etc. Etc. But it never ceases to shock me just how much can change in such a short period of time. Relatively speaking. Anyway, it seems I've gone from one philosophical topic to another. How is everyone's holiday going? For those of you who are on holiday anyways. I've only been back in Harrogate for about 26 hours and I'm bored already. I wrote a list this morning of all the work I need to do this Easter and got so freaked out I had to sit down. I'm working again tomorrow with the lovely lovely children at the kid's club. I hope some of them have moved to Mongolia.

And now, after wasting time I need to go back to reading this gripping article about Julio Cortazar and the 'issues, problems, aspirations and impossibilities posed' by his novels. Oooh I can hardly contain myself. Stupid degree.
Hope everyone else is happy.

Bye. x

Corinne Bailey Rae.

So, here's a run down of last night, because it was AMAZING!!!

We had worked out that we should leave at 5.10pm to get to the station on time (Burbage doesn't like lateness!) and we were all set and ready to go. Actually no, that's a lie. We were so not ready! Couldn't get hold of Heather who'd gone AWOL, couldn't find my jacket, tea wouldn't cook quick enough, couldn't decide which earrings to wear... you know the usual. There was running and shouting and craziness until at 5.10pm on the dot, Ffion and myself left the house with Sarah (who was just hanging around because we are so cool) with our tea in plastic bowels so we could eat it on the way. Which was fun, especially when Sarah made Ffion laugh and potato went everywhere! hee hee. (sorry Ffi)

At the station. On the train. All was well and we took lots of fun photos...Then we went to O'Neil's in Newcastle for some food: yummy cheesy chips. And waited for Heather and Nicola who arrived not long afterwards.
THEN we went over to the Carling Academy. I was so excited, I kept jumping up and down! (As well as looking over my shoulder for Dracula. I kid you not, he is following me around.) We queued up and signed an Oxfam petition and went in!!!

Yay! We waited AAAAAAges for something to happen and took even more photos in the meantime, annoying the people around us. Meh, whatcha gonna do?! Then there was the support act who was so sweet! I don't think that's the look he was going for, but I just wanted to give him a big hug! I think his name was Jackson Reading or something, I'll google him later. He was pretty good, acoustic american folky etc, I especially liked the harmonica! Might bring mine next term and be all bohemian!

Then, wait for it..... CORINNE BAILEY RAE! (can you tell I was abit excited?!) She was amazing. Absolutely incredible, I can't explain it properly without hand jestures! She just sings with this awesome voice like she's not even trying! And she looked like she was having so much fun, it was like there was no-where else she wanted to be in the whole world.There she is! With her cup of tea and everything! And her band was amazing too, they were so cool to watch! I especially loved the guy who played the flute and the baritone sax (not at the same time!) and the bass player who had an electric double bass! How cool is that?! Anyways, so after the amazingness of Corinne Bailey Rae, we went off to some bar and then to another bar/club. And I think they were both gay bars... (sorry Burbage, I'm not very good at telling!) Anyways, the DJ in the second place (called Gossip) was funny. He was having a go at us because we weren't buying enough drinks! He didn't believe we were students! Oh yeah I forgot to say, it being a Wednesday, the place was practically empty. Then he called me Brittney Spears (cos of the hair!) and said I had a nice smile. Then he called Ffion a 'trainee lesbian', teased Burbage for sitting between two straight guys on her birthday and just generally made us laugh.

The train home was interesting. Do you remember that blog I wrote about the 'Durham student stereotype'? Well, all of them were on that train. A big group of boys, blatently from Hatfield, they might as well have been carrying banners, totally drunk, singing college songs and... doing drugs. I'm not joking I saw the guy snorting coke. On a train. I couldn't believe my eyes and I wish to the ends of the earth I was mistaken. For one they're ruining their lives, believe it or not I have seen what drungs can do to someone and it's destroying. And for another, that's what we all get labelled with. A small population of the student number get us this terrible reputation. I couldn't be further away from them in terms of who I am. But it doesn't matter. I go to Durham.

Still, aside from that, we all got home safe and sound nice and early in the morning. And overall had an incredible night. Today I've been falling asleep in my lectures and now I'm meant to be going out with Tim et al and really I'd quite like a night in watching a film. But I don't want to be alone and all my housemates are out. So I think I'll go and meet them even just for a little bit.

Hope you didn't get too bored of my long run down of the night! It's home again home again tomorrow... mixed feelings about that. But that's another story.

Bye.

Me again.

I've been blogging quite alot recently, and unfortunately it's not becuase I have lots to say to the world! On the contrary I'm just bored or avoiding work and this is always a good place to waffle for a while! I handed my theology essay in today *wooo wooo yeah!* but the thing is that I really need to make a start on my English because I need the library and I'm working most of Easter so I won't get much chance to do work as the delightful little children that I work with tire me out because they're such pains. I mean so lovely. lol

We're going to Newcastle tonight to see Corinne Bailey Rae which I'm very excited about, Ffion's been decided what she's going to wear aaaaallll afternoon lol, though I have no idea what I'm going to wear. I'm bored of all my clothes. Though ooh ooh exciting, I got a new top and jumper from a charity shop today which is exciting, though they smell of charity shops so I need to wash them before I wear them! lol. And that my friends is actually about it from me. I lead such an exciting life. Dripping with sarcasm.

I am very happy that it's been sunnier recently. I always think I like winter, which is true, I do like winter. For about the first two weeks. By the time we get to February and it's still bloody freezing I've had enough. But the daffodils are out and it's been sunnier and warmer recently. Yay! I can start wearing my flipflips and cut off jeans again! I live in them all summer. Yes I am boring, and yes I don't have many clothes. What are you going to do? Even if I had tons of clothes I'd wear the same ones all the time anyways. I'm a girl of favourites.

Right I think this blog is full of rubbish that no-one's interested in. And if you are interested, well you shouldn't be because my life is dull and predictable!

Bye.

Spanish Disney

Anyone who knows me will know my craziness over all things Disney. For me it's more than just stories, it's more than magic. It's a lifeline. You think I'm joking. Disney has got me through some really tough times and you know why? Because there's always a happy ending. And I don't care how unrealistic that is. For the 85mins or however long the film lasts, I am in a perfect world. The goodies win and the baddies don't. It's that simple. Throw in a wise-cracking side kick, some awesome songs, a sprinkle of magic, some nice morals, and a happy love story and what more could a girl ask for?

Last night I did discover something even better! I put the Hunchback of Notre Dame DVD into my laptop and I was given the option of Spanish or English. So I clicked Spanish thinking that the title menu would be in Spanish.... but how wrong I was! THE WHOLE DVD INCLUDING THE SONGS WAS IN SPANISH!!!! Now, you may be thinking that I am a total loser for being excited by this, and that's fine because it's true. But do you see? Do you? I was working AND watching Disney!!!!!!! It's like a dream come true and now I'm going to go and search through all our other Disney DVDs to see if any of them have a Spanish option. Otherwise I may just watch Hunchback of Notre Dame again.

Oh it's so easy to make me happy.

My new song.

Artist: Kendall Payne
Song: Scratch

It's a big girl world now
Full of big girl things
And everyday I wish I was small
I've been counting on nothing
But he keeps giving me his word
And I am tired of hearing myself speak
Do you ever get weary?
Do you ever get weak?
How do you dream
When you can't fall asleep?

I've been wondering what you're thinking
And if you like my dress tonight?
Would you still say you love me
Under this ordinary moonlight?
I'm so afraid of what you'll say.

Chorus
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To starting over from scratch
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To giving me a second chance

I used to think I was special
And only I have proved me wrong
I thought I could change
The world with a song
But I have ended up in India
With no lamp to guide me home.
The strangest place I think
I have ever been
And all this time
I thought that we were friends
My stubborn will is learning to bend.

Chorus
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To starting over from scratch
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To giving me a second chance

I'd like to know if you'd be open
To starting over from scratch
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To giving me a second chance

It's a big girl world now
Full of big girl things


This song is on my friend's myspace profile (thanks Beth!) and I fell in love with it the first time I heard it. I love the words.

Bah Humbug.

I really am in a lot of bad moods at the moment. Appologies for all these negative posts, I blame the rain personally.

Today I want to have a moan at students, with specific reference to Durham students. I want to make it clear firsts of all that deep down I do love Durham. I love the beautiful cathedral and castle, I love the river, I love the fact that you can walk everywhere and I love the special and unique climate it seems to possess. However, I hate the students. I hate the ones that drink all the time, I hate the ones that shout and scream like little children outside people's houses at stupid-o-clock in the morning. I hate the ones that vomit all over the place. I hate the ones that think they own the world. I hate the ones that think they are God's gift to education. I hate the ones that are so lazy they are growing mould. I hate the ones that are only here to put off entry into the real world.

Sometimes I wonder why I am here. I know that I am intelligent enough to be at Durham, but why am I here, becacuse intelligence really isn't a good enough reason? If I am here then that automatically brings me into common with all those stereotypes listed above. The thing is I don't know what I'm going to do in two and a half years time when I leave here. Sometimes I wish I had gone and got a job right out of sixth form because I don't know what being here is going to do for me in the long run except give me an aversion to students and thousands of pounds worth of debt. But then I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Does that make me as bad as the time-wasters who are putting off real life?

I am terrified of becoming stereotyped. A 'rah', or having a wardrobe so full of stash that it looks like a Fruit of the Loom warehouse (except without so much oppression) I am so adament not to conform to all these 'students' I see every day and yet I'm not sure I can help it. I know full well that if people look at me they will see 'upper middle class student' written right accross my forehead and I'm not ashamed of who I am I just hate the impression that that gives other people.

I guess one of the things for me is the claustrophobia of Durham. Most of the time it's nice to bump into people I know all the time, it keeps me in touch with people I would hardly ever see otherwise. But I feel so jammed in here, like I can't breath. It's almost as if being so close to so many thousands of people I don't want to be like with somehow make them rub off on me. That doesn't make sense I know but then my head doesn't make sense most of the time!

I think maybe I'm just scared of people looking at me and not seeing who I really am. I remember Tim saying that he hates people putting him in a box and I never really thought that I was much like that before. I don't think I used to care so much what people thought of me. If they looked at me and saw something I'm not well that was their loss because I was a great person! But now. Well, now I look at myself and don't even know what I see. Maybe that is what I'm really scared of. I know I shouldn't care so much what some random stranger on the street thinks, and I'm probably being so unbelievably vain even thinking that they will think something, they probably won't even see me! But when I look around and see such immaturity, insensitivity, stupidity and brashness displayed in so many of the Durham students I just desperately don't want to be put under that label.

Little Black Rain Cloud

Has anyone else seen/read that Winnie The Pooh story where he has a little black rain cloud over his head all day? Well, when I was in the library this week it popped into my mind (as often happens to me) and I got to thinking. What if everyone had a little cloud of weather above their head that was related to the way they were feeling? I started to look around me, wondering what kind of weather I would see above each person's head. Maybe that pretty blonde girl was really happy because her boyfriend had surprised her with a bunch of flowers that morning and so there was a big shiny sun in her sky. The dark haired guy by the window had too much work to do and couldn't get his head around the physics problem he was trying to solve; there were two big black clouds coliding over his head. Maybe that girl over there was crying inside because someone was ill and it was just pouring it down above her head.

What would be over my head? I could think of a type of weather for just about every feeling. All happy and sunny to an angry tornado. Jealous rain, frightened fog, mundane drizzle, fierce winds, that feeling of almost sunny... but oh no, not quite it's going to chuck it down instead. Big threatening grey clouds that you just know will ruin your day, all confused and misty, feeling out of control and sliding around on the ice, snow covering everything so you don't know what is what. Or maybe snow is that lovely fluffy feeling of being warm and fuzzy inside?

This is perhaps a load of totaly rubbish to most people, but it entertained me for a few hours 'working' in the library. And it made me think about how I was feeling. Here are the words from the Winnie the Pooh song that inspired all these random thoughts:

I'm just a little black rain cloud
Hovering under the honey tree
I'm only a little black rain cloud
Pay no attention to little me
Everyone knows that a rain cloud
Never eats honey, no, not a nip
I'm just floating around over the ground
Wondering where I will drip

Bye.

How much do you like Coca-Cola...

Last weekend, when we were away with a bunch of teenagers from my church at home, we went to a production by a drama company called Riding Lights. They did lots of little sketches about all kinds of issues, like the slave trade, and people trafficking, and cancer. (Go see Tim's blog www.pigeonboy.blogspot.com, sorry I can't remember how to put an actual link in!)

One of the things they drew attention to was the situation with fizzy drink producers, Coca-Cola being the largest as far as I know. You see the problem is that these big companies go and set up shop (or factory but that's not how the phrase goes) in foreign countries to get the cheep labour, and then they proceed to systematically drain the water table from under the local farmers' feet. Quite literally. The farmers can't produce any crop and are often eventually forced into working for the drinks factory for admittedly a fairly good wage, but one which contributes to millions of pounds worth of profits whisking out of the country of production and back to America. Or England, or wherever that paticular country is based.

So not only are they destroying livlihoods, but they are also destroying economies. Wonderful. Enjoy your coke.

I searched just now on the internet for articles etc about this and there are loads. Here are a few...
http://www.indiaresource.org/news/2004/1020.html
http://www.hindu.com/2005/03/30/stories/2005033010080400.htm
http://india.indymedia.org/en/2003/08/6671.shtml
http://www.thesouthasian.org/archives/2004/coke_steals_pollutes_and_spins.html
... the first four results on Google for the search 'coca cola water table'.

Think about it.

Blurgh.

I had a really really bad night's sleep last night. Which is unusual for me because I normally fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow, or sometimes even before! And then I wake up at whatever sensible time and feel great and raring to start the day. Ok, maybe not quite 'raring' but you get the point. Last night I went to bed all nice and early because I felt tired and head-achey and just generally rubbish, only I could not sleep for aaaaaaages. Then when I finally did get to sleep I kept waking up because I was too hot, and then at 4.37am I woke up with that horrible lurch in my stomach thinking I was going to be sick. So I tried to ingore it, and it didn't go away. Then I realised that maybe I was hungry because I barely ate anything yesterday so I went downstairs for a piece of bread and a hot water bottle to try and stop my stomach churning. I finally did get back to sleep, only to wake up earlyish this morning feeling like I might as well have not bothered.

So now I feel icky and I'm going away for the weekend which will be really nice, but I'm starting it tired so I dread to think what I'll feel like on Sunday! To top all that off I haven't done any work all week, and I know I often say that but this time I mean it, apart from one essay (which is due on Monday anyway) I haven't done anything and I reeeeeaaaally can't be bothered.

Grrr. So it's just a big old rant at the world today. And I gave up alcohol for lent so I can't even go and drown my sorrows in my friend Jack Daniels. lol, not that I would anyway I hasten to add! hee hee. Ah well. Have a fun weekend everyone and think of me trying to tame 25 over-hormonal and hyperactive teenagers!
Later.

Donkey says...

I can't feel my toes!
I don't have any toes!






I think I need a hug...