Little Black Rain Cloud

Has anyone else seen/read that Winnie The Pooh story where he has a little black rain cloud over his head all day? Well, when I was in the library this week it popped into my mind (as often happens to me) and I got to thinking. What if everyone had a little cloud of weather above their head that was related to the way they were feeling? I started to look around me, wondering what kind of weather I would see above each person's head. Maybe that pretty blonde girl was really happy because her boyfriend had surprised her with a bunch of flowers that morning and so there was a big shiny sun in her sky. The dark haired guy by the window had too much work to do and couldn't get his head around the physics problem he was trying to solve; there were two big black clouds coliding over his head. Maybe that girl over there was crying inside because someone was ill and it was just pouring it down above her head.

What would be over my head? I could think of a type of weather for just about every feeling. All happy and sunny to an angry tornado. Jealous rain, frightened fog, mundane drizzle, fierce winds, that feeling of almost sunny... but oh no, not quite it's going to chuck it down instead. Big threatening grey clouds that you just know will ruin your day, all confused and misty, feeling out of control and sliding around on the ice, snow covering everything so you don't know what is what. Or maybe snow is that lovely fluffy feeling of being warm and fuzzy inside?

This is perhaps a load of totaly rubbish to most people, but it entertained me for a few hours 'working' in the library. And it made me think about how I was feeling. Here are the words from the Winnie the Pooh song that inspired all these random thoughts:

I'm just a little black rain cloud
Hovering under the honey tree
I'm only a little black rain cloud
Pay no attention to little me
Everyone knows that a rain cloud
Never eats honey, no, not a nip
I'm just floating around over the ground
Wondering where I will drip

Bye.

How much do you like Coca-Cola...

Last weekend, when we were away with a bunch of teenagers from my church at home, we went to a production by a drama company called Riding Lights. They did lots of little sketches about all kinds of issues, like the slave trade, and people trafficking, and cancer. (Go see Tim's blog www.pigeonboy.blogspot.com, sorry I can't remember how to put an actual link in!)

One of the things they drew attention to was the situation with fizzy drink producers, Coca-Cola being the largest as far as I know. You see the problem is that these big companies go and set up shop (or factory but that's not how the phrase goes) in foreign countries to get the cheep labour, and then they proceed to systematically drain the water table from under the local farmers' feet. Quite literally. The farmers can't produce any crop and are often eventually forced into working for the drinks factory for admittedly a fairly good wage, but one which contributes to millions of pounds worth of profits whisking out of the country of production and back to America. Or England, or wherever that paticular country is based.

So not only are they destroying livlihoods, but they are also destroying economies. Wonderful. Enjoy your coke.

I searched just now on the internet for articles etc about this and there are loads. Here are a few...
http://www.indiaresource.org/news/2004/1020.html
http://www.hindu.com/2005/03/30/stories/2005033010080400.htm
http://india.indymedia.org/en/2003/08/6671.shtml
http://www.thesouthasian.org/archives/2004/coke_steals_pollutes_and_spins.html
... the first four results on Google for the search 'coca cola water table'.

Think about it.

Blurgh.

I had a really really bad night's sleep last night. Which is unusual for me because I normally fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow, or sometimes even before! And then I wake up at whatever sensible time and feel great and raring to start the day. Ok, maybe not quite 'raring' but you get the point. Last night I went to bed all nice and early because I felt tired and head-achey and just generally rubbish, only I could not sleep for aaaaaaages. Then when I finally did get to sleep I kept waking up because I was too hot, and then at 4.37am I woke up with that horrible lurch in my stomach thinking I was going to be sick. So I tried to ingore it, and it didn't go away. Then I realised that maybe I was hungry because I barely ate anything yesterday so I went downstairs for a piece of bread and a hot water bottle to try and stop my stomach churning. I finally did get back to sleep, only to wake up earlyish this morning feeling like I might as well have not bothered.

So now I feel icky and I'm going away for the weekend which will be really nice, but I'm starting it tired so I dread to think what I'll feel like on Sunday! To top all that off I haven't done any work all week, and I know I often say that but this time I mean it, apart from one essay (which is due on Monday anyway) I haven't done anything and I reeeeeaaaally can't be bothered.

Grrr. So it's just a big old rant at the world today. And I gave up alcohol for lent so I can't even go and drown my sorrows in my friend Jack Daniels. lol, not that I would anyway I hasten to add! hee hee. Ah well. Have a fun weekend everyone and think of me trying to tame 25 over-hormonal and hyperactive teenagers!
Later.

Donkey says...

I can't feel my toes!
I don't have any toes!






I think I need a hug...

Love Life.

I got given this little book from church the other week called 'Love Life. Live Lent'. And it's basically fifty little tiny things that are good to do. The tag line on the front says 'be generous to yourself, your neighbours and the world' and some of the things are really cool to do. For example Week Four goes as follows:
#22 Help a bug out of the house rather then squash it
#23 Buy something at a local charity shop and reverse haggle
#24 Visit your local park and then write and tell the council what you thought
#25 Buy a Fairtrade product
#26 Have a conversation with someone from a different generation
#27 Join a litter walk or claen up
#28 Ring a loved one

And there are loads more: find our about blood donation, make a cake and share it with someone, don't leave the TV on standby, hug someone who needs it, give a friend a good CD, use a buy-one-get-one-free and give the free one away, do a chore for someone, leave a £1 coin in th shopping trolley for someone to fing, phone or text someone to say goodnight etc etc etc.

I was thinking about it, and although there are some things in it that I already do, like buying Fairtrade stuff, and not killing bugs (unless they are cockroaches which are the devil's insects), alot of those things I just wouldn't do cos it takes up time and energy. Then I was also thinking that some of those things are abit crap and seem really cliched, or cheesy. But I don't really know why. How can it possibly be a bad thing to help someone out? Or randomly do something nice for them? Or try really hard to be nice to the environment?

Just the other day I walked past the stall in the DSU that had something to do with windfarming (that's how close I paid attention to it) and the girl who was stood there just conformed to so many stereotypes. You know, the layered clothing, big earings, floral patterns, head scarf and so on. And I immediately thought 'yeah course she's in the environment whatever group'. I don't think this is just me, but it seems to be that for most people doing selfless things for other people, or fighting to do whatever small thing we can for our planet that we are slowly destroing (or not so slowly depending on who you talk to!) is not a 'cool' thing to do. I don't like to use the word cool because I don't think it's quite the right word, but hopefully you get where I'm coming from.

My basic point is, that we are not islands. We live surrounded by other people. Admittedly I sometimes wish I did live on a desert island but that's beside the point! We should all be wanting to save energy, give gifts to the people we love, help people who need it, give money to people worse off than us (which, let's face it is by far the majority of the world) and do everything that is humanely possible to make our little bit of the world a better one. It's hard to say that without sounding like some dreadful primary school hymne.
But whether it's 'cool' or not; it's the truth.

TOMORROW!!!!!

My hair is all coming off tomorrow!
Am I nervous? Actually no! I'm still excited about it.

That's pretty much all I have to say right now, nothing much is going on and right now I'm watching Scrubs. So if you're coming tomorrow I'll see you then otherwise look out for the photos!

127th Post. What a milestone!

Well I don't really have much to say today, but since my last post I have been reassured by a fair number of people that my blog is read, so I feel that I must continue to post to satisfy the mass of followers this blog has created. Or something to that effect of arrogance!

I am in one of the Elvet computer rooms typing this and I am very happy because they have Spanish spellcheckers on them which is very nice because I've just checked my essay and now I can hand it in. Two days in advance! Woo go me!

Speaking of two days... or three... time certainly is passing by quickly this week! Not long until the hair comes off! I have been trying to get together a total of the money raised and I THINK it's somewhere in the region of £1,400!!!!!!! How amazing is that! People are just so generous and I can't believe how much this has caught on. People tell me that I'm so brave and that I'm doing something great for other people and maybe that's true but in many ways I hadn't thought of it like that. When my dad got £1000 for shaving his hair off, I remember then thinking that I should be able to raise loads more than that because my hair is so much nicer than his! I guess that although I love my hair, I know it's pretty, I'm not worried or concerned about not having it. In fact I'm quite excited about seeing what I look like bald! Who knows maybe I'll stay that way forever?! *

I have a meeting soon for my year abroard so I guess I'm just time-wasting now. I suppose I could go do some research on the internet or something but really, that seems like far too much effort right now! I do hope that I end up somewhere hot next year. I'm just randomly shooting out thoughts now. Oooh, I got called a 'brownie whore' the other day (thanks Trickey love you too!) and I was just wondering if anyone could offer me some enlightenment into the meaning of said insult? Which, I'm assuming is an insult, actually I have no idea what she was on about!!!

Anyways, think I'm waffling now. Must go. Tootles.

*And don't worry Tim, I won't stay bald forever!!!!

This Weekend.

Well, pretty much the only reason I am blogging right now is because I really really really really really really really really don't want to do any work. Grrr.

So. I thought I would write down what I've done this weekend cos most of m blogs tend to be rants or philosophical ravings or totally incomprehensible and boring. So this will be a mixture of all of the above! ha ha. See what I did there?! Oh never mind.

Well. Saturday morning I got up at 8.15am, which, by the way is an insane hour for a weekend, to go to a meeting at 9am. I arrived soaking wet and freezing cold to discover that I wasn't actually supposed to be there, apparantly Dave should have texted me but his phone was playing up so I didn't get the message. Oh well. I went to Esquires for breakfast cos we were meant to get breakfast at the meeting. I had a lovely latte and a blueberry muffin and managed to read more of that Spanish novel I've been reading. (And yes cheating by reading it in English.)

One thing I do like about coffee shops is just watching people coming and going. There was quite a selection in yesterday morning. From business men grabbing a quick coffee and a read of the Independant to very posh apper-clarss Durham shoppers to a very strange but lovely woman who insisted on talking to me all about how her grandmother had slipped three times on the ice last week and she had therefore been too scared to go out to work. She was trying to think of a good excuse for her boss and I suggested she tell him the truth. She didn't think that was such a great idea.

Then I went to the library to finish the book and got even more wet on the way. I lament the fact that the only pair of waterproof shoes I own are however meny miles away at home. I hate having cold wet feet. Ugh. Still, I finished the novel which is actually quite good but with a disappointing end.

Then I spent the rest of the day faffing around. I had to take the clippers Gary is going to use to shave my hair to be PAT tested (oooh must go pick them up soon actually!) And I wrapped up a box in brown paper to serve as a gasmask box and made a brown tag to tie on my cardigan. This was for the Decades themed birthday party Helen and I went to last night. We went as evacuees and the majority of our costumes came from Ffion which interests me... maybe she secretly wants to be a WWII child? Anyway, we looked pretty good I thought, I will try to get a photo on here. And the party was great, Chiquitos is a great restaurant, the food was yummy and t he music not too loud, two things that must be right for any restaurant to be good.

Then we came home because it was quite late and we were tired. Watched the end of Shakespeare in Love (and I almost cried but didn't.. an improvement!) and then went to bed. And I almost fell out of bed twice last night which was strange as I don't think I've ever done that before! The only thing I can think of is that I moved the bed closer to the wall and maybe I didn't adjust for that?! No idea.

Anyways, so then this morning I went to church (borrowed Ffi's nice coat again, she wasn't in anyways!) and people keep giving me money there for my hair shaving. Which is amazing, I am so grateful for that. I'll have to try and work out a total soon. Then I cooked me and Helen a big fried brunch which was yummy yummy yummy. And now... I am procrastinating. Woo.

Hope that didn't bore you all too much. Actually I say 'you all' I still reckon there are only about 3 people who actually read my blogs. Never the matter. It means I don't have to work for however long it takes to write.

Bye.

One week and two hours from now

That's when I will be bald! Tee hee hee. Still not scared though and everyone seems to think I should be! Ah well. I'm sure it'll hit me at some point. Here's a photo of my looking nice so you can remember that when I'm all ugly and a butt-head.

I also wanted to add my thoughts to what seems to be a raging river of ideas on that fast-approaching day. The 14th February, St Valentine's Day. It seems to me to be a hot-bed subject with most people because those that are single loath being made to remember that they are so and those who are in a relationship loath that there is a day where they are made to feel like they have to match up to society's nice little boxed and gift-wrapped description of 'romantic'.

I will point out right now that I don't know really what it is like to be single so I hope that nothing I say looks like I'm being insensitive to those who are, or that I'm being ungrateful by saying that I hate Valentine's Day and all the pre-packaged red-ribboned hurl-worthy paraphenalia that goes with it. My views are biased from the point of view of someone in a relationship and unfortunately I just can't see that Valentine's Day is a day that makes you feel good for that.

It seems to heighten the fact that you are in a relationship when people around you aren't and I hate the fact that it's rubbed in people's faces and I feel guilty but there's nothing I can do about it. I also hate that people say to me 'what did Tim get you for Valentine's Day?' and my answer being truthfully 'nothing really, we're not really bothered' seems to make them think that I've pulled some kind of reverse psychology trick on him that hasn't worked and they get all pitiful for me declaring that apparantly every girl wants a bunch of roses the size of a small child on this random over-commercialised day. Not true I promise you. I'm not against flowers of course I'm not, but when they cost as much as a train fair home, or a new pair of jeans I'm sorry I just can't justify it!

Like I said at the beginning, this is a real hot-bed of controversy and I think that advertising companies really do play on people's emotions for their money at this time of the year. Everyone is made to feel guilty by that great big fluffy bear with a heart in it's arms that you really would not want in your house no matter who gave it to you. There's this big over-stereotyped view of what 'romantic' is and if you don't fit then you're not a good enough boyfriend/girlfriend.

Maybe I'm over-exaggerating but I just felt I wanted to add my reasons for hating this day to the big debate. So yeah. Thanks alot Clintons, everyone hates your stupid made-up festival.

The Final Countdown...

Unoriginal I know, but my only other option was 'hair today, gone in 9 days' which, I think you'll agree is miles worse.

So there we have it. In 9 days time I will be completely bald. All my hair will be on it's way to a chariy making wigs for children suffering from hairloss and I will have a hat on if the snow keeps up! But really, I'm actually very excited about this! The original aim was to raise £1000 for Cancer Research... and the total so far is £1291!!! How exciting is that! I have to say a massive massive massive thank you to everyone who has supported me in this, I wouldn't be able to do it without all of you. So thank you!

So if anyone wants to come and watch... 3pm Saturday 17h February in the reception of the DSU.

In other news... I've just read act II of a Spanish play that I don't really understand. I think it's about an army regiment going to stay in a little village and the captain of the army decides he wants the pretty daughter of one of the upstanding men of the village. I think there are some fights and some tears and some musicians... but as I say, it's all 'I think' because I'm never quite sure as it's IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE!!!!!! AND it takes about three times longer to read in Spanish and you cannot let your mind wander like in English! I keep getting to the bottom of a page and having even less clue than usual about what it said because I was thinking about what I'm going to have for lunch.

Ah well. I can't really complain seeing as my degree is largely a Spanish one. Grrr. Bloody foreigners.

One Moment.

I remember quite a while ago Tim wrote a blog where he described how he'd been walking along the river near HildBede and had suddenly looked at all the lights and felt a moment of something greater than this world.

I experienced that last night, of all places, on the Nightbus!

We were driving over the bridge towards the Swan and Three and the traffic lights and something cheesy boyband-esque was playing on the radio. I looked out the window towards the cathedral which was all lit up and seemed to be this massive looming force of stone coming out of the city. I don't know how to descrie it without it being cliched, but it was like everything slowed down around me. I felt like I was being given a hug from God. And I felt really happy inside.

And then, as quickly as it had come, the feeling was gone, and I was back on the Nightbus with a load of noisy students and a tired headache. But that one tiny moment was monumental for me. And I think that as we go through each day, it's those kind of moments that we should look out for because for me at least, they remind me that there is something so much bigger than me. I can only look at life through my two greenish grey shortsighted (literally and metaphorically!) eyes. It always intrigues me to wonder what life and the world would look like out of someone else's eyes. How amazing is it then, that someone exists who can see the world through all of our eyes and his own better eyes that see and know everything.

Look out for those moments, they are comforting.

Shower.

How to Shower like a Woman / Man

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way,cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs
12. Turn off shower
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on floor

Deadly Glory.

Look at these pictures. I know it's obvious, but both the flower and the frogs are poisonous. They could both kill a human. For these two things, poison is a defense mechanism. I don't pretend to know how it works, but I do know that the frogs use poison to kill their prey, and a poisonous flower means that it isn't going to become someone's prey.

But they're beautiful aren't they?

I was walking up Potter's Bank the other day, and I was feeling a little grumbly because I realised part way home that I was headed for Tim's so it would have actually been quicker to have gone the other way. But as I reached that field that comes down from Aidan's I was so stunned by what I saw that I had to stop.

The sun was setting and orange and purple flashes filled the sky. The clouds were a deep blue and made such joyful patterns over the wash of colour behind. I was awe-stricken. And suddenly thankful that I'd come the long way round. It was like the whole sky was singing with life. I'm not sure I can think of any more cliched metaphors but you get the idea.

I got to thinking about beauty after that. I think beauty has a cycle to it. Maybe something like the genius vs insane spectrum: sometimes, at the extremes it's difficult to draw the line and two things that normally seems polar opposites become blurred together and it's difficult to know what is what. I think that the cycle of beauty goes from pure beauty round to deadly glory. And sometimes it's very hard to separate the two.

What about things that are 'beautiful' in our lives, things that we do, see, live etc. Where is the line between pure beauty and deadly glory? Where do we cross over from innocence to danger? I'm speaking in general terms, not referring to anything in particular, but do you know what I'm trying to say?

Beauty is one of my favourite things in the world. I love true beauty. And by that I don't just mean what is pretty to look at, or what is enjoyable to do. I mean a real depth of exhilirating and painful beauty. But sometimes I think that beauty becomes intoxicating, in a bad way because it becomes too intense. And that's where you end up with a deadly glory rather than a pure beauty.

Anyway. Those are my rambling thoughts for today.

Bob-oh

I got the coolest random present from my mum yesterday. It's a wibbly stick man with a big round smiley head and tufty red heair that sticks on my desk with a sucker. I can flick him and push him all over the place and then because he has a spring in him, he always bounces back! The name on the box was 'Bop-oh' but I prefer 'Bob-oh'!

Here's a picture, and he always smiles even when I flick him. So I don't feel bad for hitting him because it's what he's for. And he always bounces right back! So much fun!
Mine is green though, and has punk hair!

So there you go. Bob-oh! I love my mum!

Magic.

I have a question today, and I want answers please, so anyone who does read this, please do comment and don't leave me looking like I have no friends!

Who/what is your favourite, or the best fairytale character?

It could be anything, maybe an actual personaje like the Wizard of Oz, or Malificent, or the dragon in Puff the Magic Dragon... etc etc, or just a type of creature, a pheonix, an elf, a unicorn, a magician and so on.

It's a tough one for me, my life is so full of fairytale creatures that it's difficult to decide which one is my favourite. But I think I would go for fairies. Ever since I first watched Peter Pan, (actually I think I first remember seeing the film Hook) and met Tinkerbell and her magic dust I was captivated by fairies. In my world, fairies are everywhere. There are fairies in the bushes outside St Mary's college, there are icicle fairies when it's freezing cold, there are fairies that play in the rockpools at the beach, there are fairies of all the different flowers.

Fairies are such beautiful creatures. So small and fragile and with something delicate, pure and endlessly innocent about them. I know not everyone lives in a fantasy world like I do, but there is something captivating about fairies. They are always there, playing and laughing and enjoying life. They never fight or go to war and the only time they are sad is when they feel rejected. Which isn't very often because fairies live together peacefully and without quarrels.

So there you go. Fairies is my answer. Let me know yours!

Keep the Faith.

Just to warn you, this is a serious post. So if you were hoping for more of the craziness from my slumber world then stop reading now!

After a very long and deep conversation the other day, I got to thinking about an analogy that one of the people used. (Thanks Tim!) The analogy was about having faith. I always think that the word faith is quite a slippery concept. What does it actually mean? I think I was originally trying to think of a word for someone who has alot of faith, and it isn't faithful because that means trustworthy or loyal. The Bible says that faith means believing in something that you can't see, but I really don't think that quite sums up everything about faith. I mean it can be interpretted wrongly. As Tim said, I could believe with all my being that there was a chair in front of me, but unless it actually existed I would fall on my ass if I tried to sit on it!

When I was a little girl, we used to go most weekends to a place near where I live where there are a load of large limestone rock formations. It's a fantastic place for little kids, or even big kids for that matter because you can climb up big rocks, there are caves and secret pathways, some og the rocks wobble when you push on them in the right place and it's altogether loads of fun. One of my favourite things to do as a child was to jump off the top of the rocks into the arms of my Dad. It was so much fun. The faith element comes in there because I knew my Daddy would catch me. I had so much faith in this even up to the point where I would jump even if he wasn't waiting. So he had to develop eyes all over his head to be ready for when I would leap. But he always caught me. He was worth putting my faith in.

Unfortunately, in terms of God, faith is something that I now find really quite hard. The curses of age caught up with me and now I find myself constantly saying 'will it be ok?' 'will he catch me?'. I know in my head that God will always come through, I don't need any more proof than what he's already done for me, or the promises of the Bible that come true. Never once does God go back on something he says in the Bible and in my head, that's enough. I hate to admit it, but in my heart I'm still that little bit too much afraid all too often. I get too scared to put all my trust in God just in case.

But that just in case always winds me up in a much worse place than where I began. Trust me I know what happens to me when I try to do things on my own. It's horrifying how easily I can end up in a bigger mess than I know how to handle. I guess what I'm saying is that when Jesus tells us in the Bible to be more like children, this is what he means. It's the hardest thing in the world for an adult to jump off something and know that they will be caught by someone below. The child in me used to just leap from rocks and somehow know. That is faith. Believing that you will be caught, saved, protected and loved by a God who does exist. It is not just a blind 'oh I hope there's something out there.' It's real. Keep the faith.

It's a Long Way to Tipperary.

Well, as I couldn't think of anything to write, I just went for a wee to see if I got any inspiration. But sadly, no luck. I just don't think our bathroom is a particularly inspiring kind of place.

So. I did realise that I may be a little too into this whole blogging thing, because the other day I caught myself thinking about things I could write about. Listening out for interesting phrases/looking out for sometehing unsual, funny or strange to write about... etc. It makes me feel like a little bit of a loser. It's like when they do those facebook things... 'you know you spend too long on facebook when da da da'

Anyway. I am very very tired now. I've had 4 hours of sleep, my back is still hurting (damn those kids) and I am on my way to two lectures I don't want to go to. Grrr. Still. Oh happy day and all that.

Tootles.

The Operation

The other day I needed a simple routine surgery to remove a piece of excess bone on the side of my nose that's been affecting my sinuses. It wasn't a difficult operation, but the only thing was, it had to be performed underwater, salt water. So I went off to the Pacific Ocean; a small floating bamboo island among lots of other islands where the surgeon (who looked strangely like my driving instructer) prepared me for the surgery. The thing is that I was really scared, so he suggested that we have a break and go for a fly around the other islands. When we got into the air we kept rising higher and higher and I was terrified that we'd get burnt by the sun, so I told him and he said we could just got back down again, which we did... at an incredible speed! I was sure we'd hit the water and I had to pull up really hard to stop from plummeting downwards. (We were of course just flying, no airplanes or any of that rubbish!)

Anyway, as we floated around I saw New Zealand below me and it surprised me slightly that I could actually see people walking around, they were big enough to see even though New Zealand itself was miles and miles away. Then we came to land on a small island near the bamboo island where his operating theatre was. This island was a nursery and my youngest brother was there looking after the little kids... aged about 10 years old. (He's 16 now) It was definately him with his short hair and jug handle ears!

We went back to the island so the surgeon could do my operation. He rubbed anisthetic on my nose and gave me a book to read becasue it was making me sleepy but for the operation to be successful I had to be awake. The book was entitled 'Geniuses' and I started to read a chapter about Eleanor Roosevelt while I was hanging onto a bamboo pole under the water ready for the surgeon to do the surgery.

...and then I woke up so I didn't get to find out if it worked or not.

Possibly the strangest dream I have ever had. Though come to think of it I say that after each crazy dream I remember!
Anyways, I'll be back in Durham life in another few hours, all my things are ready here in my room to be put in the car. Ready for another term. See you guys soon!

Be

I found a wonderful video on YouTube yesterday (as well as the fire engine one!) with the song Chasing Cars over a selection of clips from the classic Disney films. It is really well done and if I can find it again, I'll put it on here.

One thing that struck me while I was watching was about just how many of the Disney films deal with issues of identity. Think about it, so many of the characters try to change themselves to be someone they think they should be. Perhaps for family acknowledgement, or to get someone to fall in love with them. Whatever the reason, many of the characters struggle with their true identity.

Mulan realised she could no longer be the 'perfect' woman her society told her she should be. Aladdin tried to prove himself to a princess by becoming a prince. The Beast couldn't accept that anyone would love him the way he was. When Fiona rises up at the end of Shrek 1 to 'take true love's form' we all expected her to become beautiful permanently. Was anyone else surprised when she didn't? I was. Because we don't expect people to be loved for who they are.

A closer look reveals that actually this is the case is most of the Disney films. At the end Mulan is who she is. She pretends no longer and in doing so is accepted by her family and finds love. Aladdin is loved by Jasmin at the end for who he is, not for his fancy made-up title. Belle has already fallen in love with the Beast before he changes back to human form. In Shrek 2 the tables are turned and it is Fiona who shows that she loves Shrek for who he is, the ogre she fell in love with.

I wonder how often I allow myself to be who I am. Sometimes I think I don't even know who I am. When I was younger I used to think of myself as two totally different people. One called Katherine and one called Kat. Generally I liked Kat better but she was the one who tried too hard to fit in, to be like everyone else. Katherine wasn't as well liked but she was the real me. I think now it's changed, I am only one person. Katherine and Kat and I like that I still have the two names. But too often I get confused. I forget who the real me is and I try too hard to pretend to be someone I'm not even though everyone around me knows what I'm doing. Like Aladdin who tried too hard to be a prince even though Jasmin loved him for who he was right from the beginning.

Even when I forget who I am, there is someone who knows me better than anyone else. If I ever lose sight of my true identity, all I need to do is ask the God who made me. The God who says these things:
You may not know me, but I know everything about you…Psalm 139:1 I know when you sit down and when you rise up …Psalm 139:2 I am familiar with all your ways …Psalm 139:3 Even the very hairs on your head are numbered…Matthew 10:29-31 For you were made in my image …Genesis 1:27 In me you live and move and have your being…Acts 17:28 For you are my offspring…Acts 17:28 I knew you even before you were conceived …Jeremiah 1:4-5 I chose you when I planned creation …Ephesians 1:11-12 You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book…Psalm 139:15-16

Be who you are. Who you really and truely are. You cannot be anything else.

Fire Fire!